Hi, I'm a newbie and I need some support.

[Karen]

Hi, my name is Karen, 21 years old and I have PCOS.

I have been depressed pretty badly for a few weeks now and I wanted to ask for some help I wasn’t sure if this was appropriate because there weren’t any searches that matched.

I first had my period when I was 10. The next year at 11 on December, I had my period for the whole month and took it as some climate change reason because I went on vacation to another country. Then after that my period was normal I guess but I wasn’t counting the cycle or anything but I had it every month for the next 8 years.

I again got the one month straight period 2 years ago. I was on the pill a year before that but I changed the brand before the one month straight period. So I thought it was because of the brand but I went to the OB anyway.

My boyfriend and I talked to the doctor and she said she thinks I might have PCOS. She told us to get an ultrasound and yup, I had it. I cried for so many nights and I was devastated. I wanted to become a mom since I was I don’t even remember when.

I’m sorry if this could be just a love problem.

My boyfriend, well my ex, since 3 weeks ago and I were together for 4 and half years and we’ve planned our future together. We’ve had problems about me for 2 years before our break up, and to think of it now it was around when we found out I had PCOS. He was very supportive about my PCOS and he told me he’d be with me through it all and told me to take the meds for it but I’d forget all the time. I couldn’t because metformin hurt my stomach badly and I get diarrhea.

The problem really was about my mood swings, one minute I’m fine but the next minute I get sensitive about so many stuff, that I blamed it on my ex. I get jealous about him talking to someone else whether a boy or girl. I wanted all the attention. I also got mad when he forgets to say he loves me and we fought about it. I also got upset when I couldn’t be with him, reasons like family day. Those were the reasons, all the time. But I know I understand him. In my head I understand but my heart is crying out for him. We fought about the same thing and after Christmas he snapped. He said he couldn’t take anymore. He couldn’t take the blame when all he wanted to do was to take care of me. Told me that I didn’t take care of him. And I think I did, I want to, but maybe its true. I was too busy about how I felt. But each thing that upset me wasn’t only about being upset. It hurt really bad too. I felt like a big metal with thorns stab my chest and out my back every time. And each reason for my action were the same. I wanted to be with him.

I’d try to change as I told him all the time. I won’t blame it on him or I won’t be affected on any of the little things. But I couldn’t. I get so emotional on little things. I was happy when I was with him. I just wanted to get away with him, just with him and be happy.

Since the break up I have been rock bottom. I started cutting myself with a blade to cover the pain I get thinking of him in my chest. I feel like my chest collapse and I forget to breathe. I started cutting my leg and I ran out of space and I moved to my palm. I drink every night and cry.

He told me not to call him. But I cant help it. I miss him. I want to be with him. I’ve seen him in school twice and he didn’t want to talk to me. He talks with someone I don’t like and I cut myself in the restroom and cry.

I couldn’t talk to him rationally and I’d make a scene in school. I’ve been wanting to kill myself but the hope of him maybe talking to me keeps me alive. After the last time I saw him in school and I went home and I shaved my head.

Yesterday I was able to talk to him after talking to our friend about us, he called him and him that I can talk to him rationally. I promised I wasn’t going to break down but I still did. My ex talked about how he wont be able to come back into my life or let me back to his life and he is better now. He told me I didn’t take care of him and now he needed to take care of himself. He said that if I was happy with him I wouldn’t fall apart every week. But I was happy and I love him.

He told me not to hurt myself. He said he couldn’t watch me go crazy but it was time for him. He was really upset with my head too. But I thought I wouldn't see him anymore.I begged him to stay and stalled too. He wanted me to fix my life and find myself but this is me. I want to be with him. my life sucks without him. it does.

He knows how I think and feel. He knows how PCOS gets me crazy. He loved me. But he said he didn’t know anymore. I feel so depressed and I cant see anything else than death. I was searching through the internet, and I came back to PCOS. I found mood swings and depression. And now I found this im thinking that maybe this is it. This was the reason Ive been so sensitive to small things. Now I am finding a way to explain why I was the sensitive, selfish person. Do you think PCOS has made me sensitive and emotional and not logic? My depression didn’t start from when I was 19, I know I had this since I was little. He saved me, he was my rock.

I couldn’t truly understand what mood swing/depression meant with PCOS. How could it affect a person? In what ways? Any experience?

I’m sorry this went really long.
I guess I needed someone to talk to as well. Thank you for reading.
I hope you can help me.

Karen

[ToGoForth?]

Karen - My heart goes out to you for all the difficulty you're going through. The most important thing you need to do right now is find some support. Like right now this minute! Talk to your family or a friend. You're are going though so much and I can feel how alone you feel. We can comfort you in knowing that PCOS sucks, but you really need someone in person who can support you and keep you from harming yourself. You are not alone. You will deal with the PCOS and raging hormones, but only if you get through today and tomorrow and the next. You will get over your EX or you will get back with him, but only if you get yourself in an emotionally stable place. I highly recommend you talk to a doctor to see what they can do, especially about the depression. There's lots of info here about alternative medicines than the met. There's lots of posts from people with PCOS who've been able to get the baby they've always wanted.

You can do it, but only if you get help and get through right now.

[flutter]

Karen
I'm so sorry that you're struggling with so many different things at once. Like Forth said I think the most important thing is that you seek some professional help. Reaching out to us is the first step in moving towards recovery, but you need to work through these things with someone who can really help you.

There are so many treatment options to help deal with your PCOS. It does not have to rule your life. The best option to keep your hormones under control right now would be to going on a birthcontrol pill. I struggled enormously with depression before i went on the pill. And having my hormones under control helped me a lot. I would talk to your OB about what your best options are. As far as the metformin is concerned, if the side effects are unbearable there are also lots of other options that can do exactly the same thing without the side effects. Even the extended release version can help minimize the gi issues. Also, while you might have some problems conceiving, studies show that 90% of women with PCOS will be able to conceive a child with some form of help. There are SO many options available to help with that too.

Now to the guy problem. You can't define yourself as a person by him. I know you really love him, but the reality is that you need to love yourself first and foremost. I know what you mean about him being your rock, but you are a strong person and you CAN do this with or without him! Breakups are really hard especially when you have been dating someone for so long. I know that cutting yourself probably helps you feel in control of your life when you're body and the people in it let you down. There is light at the end of the tunnel and when you hit rock bottom the only place to go is up. Cutting won't solve any of your problems, it will just leave you with scars that won't heal. You can heal emotionally with the right help. I hope you'll get the help you need. I know when you do you will be amazed at how incredibly strong you are.

[JLIZZIE02]

Karen -
I just wanted to reiterate that you should find someone in your world that you can trust and talk this out with them. Your dr is trained to know how to best help you and can understand your hormones.
You are a brave woman for reaching out to us - you've taken the first step! Now, get on the phone and schedule an appt to talk with your dr - that can be your second step. You can do this!
I don't know that there is anything I can say that the other two women haven't expressed already. There are a lot of wonderful people on these boards, so feel free to stay connected while you are moving through this journey of healing with your dr.

[Live Laugh Love]

Karen,
I'm was diagnosed with pcos when I was 18 I think my immediate thought was that I was dying I'm thinking cysts I have cancer and that's it for me. My rock would definitely be my boyfriend so I completely understand he stopped me a few times when I was thinking very irrationale. Sometimes I feel my mood swings are gonna push him away but he stays. I cried for months straight me and my moms relationship hit the bricks and I felt real alienated and alone.
In a million ways my heart aches for u because I kno exactly how this is and what your going thru. I'm normally good with rising peoples spirits but ur story is real close to home. Most I can say is u gotta just take it a day at a time ... the ppl who couldn't support u or couldn't handle supporting u then u will do just fine without. I was expecting my boyfriend to leave when I had to tell him I may not be able to have children but idk I wonder sometimes If I should just be prepared u kno because it is a lot it really is. But anytime u ever need to talk about anything I'm always here willing to help anyway I can.

Take it easy
Nya

[Karen]

Hello again,

Thank you so much for your comments, ToGoForth?, flutter, JLIZZIE02 and Nya.
I've been better, I guess but I'm still pretty much scared of what's happening to me and my life.

Just the feeling of someone knows how I feel, gives me comfort. So, thank you very very much.

One way or another I think I am moving forward

[merrymom]

Dear Karen,

You seem to be dealing with so much right now. I am sorry for the way that you are feeling. If I was in the room with you, I would give you a hug.

I am worried that you are cutting. A lot of teenage girls and young women will use cutting as a way of helping them cope with emotional pain, but it isn't healthy to hurt yourself. Do you have health insurance? Will it cover mental health services?

You're depression and tendency to self-harm requires treatment from a trained professional.

I'm also worried that you're trying to cling to someone who doesn't want you, because I believe that you are worth more than that. I would like for you to put your self-esteem together in such a way that how you feel about yourself doesn't depend on whether or not you have a boyfriend.

(I've seen a quote by a teen who said that "Boys aren't worth crying over, and the one who is won't make you cry anyway." God I wish I understood THAT in my early 20's!)

PCOS is something that can make life a challenge, but how you deal with that challenge it up to you. (Life isn't perfect for anyone anyway...everyone has challenges to deal with.

You need to take care of yourself by eating right (high-protein, high-fiber, low-fat diets are good for us), and exercising is also good, both for the body and the mind. (Exercize will cause your body to release endophins, which are natural depression-busters!)

You're also 21, and you need to give yourself some time to become the woman that you are meant to be...

Love,

Caren
Age 37
Married at age 31
Became a mom at age 34, despite PCOS

[Karen]

Thank you Caren, for your words, i am feeling down again, about my ex, and reading back on everyones messages, i feel comfort.

I know i should stop wanting this guy, but i cant, yet anyway. i started to socialize and my friends are listening to me and giving me advices as well. they say someday that day would come, but my heart says i dont want to and yet my mind says i should.

thank you all, so much.

[merl]

Karen~Honey comfort urself in the knowledge that u are still quite so young and God has a plan for u. I know it does not feel that way, but look at is as you being free to accept the blessings coming your way. U need to focus on ur future. I'm sorry it may not seem like there is much of a future now with the "love of ur life" now gone, but someone will come ur way and u will experience love on a whole new level. It might be with ur x, it might not, and u will look back on this and think of this time when u thought u could not have gone on without having this love. Find someone who u could talk to, professionally, or maybe a local pastor, or a teacher in ur school u could trust, but talk u must as u cannot keep this all inside. Find activities u could do to take ur mind off the pain of not being with ur x and take it 1 day at a time.

The good part about u finding ur dx now is ur still young, some of us are over 31 and have no idea when or God forbid if we will have a family, so u have some time to work with ur body to help manage the pcos. Merrymom is right, about food types and exercise.

Lastly my friend, don't hurt urself, u are stronger than than. Get on ur knees and pray, pray, pray...

PM me if u need to talk. Hope this helps somewhat.

[altonjone]

hi Karen,
W E L C O M E to this forum. This is Ian and also a newbie like you here. Nice to meet you here. Hope we would have a good time here ahead.
I have read your post, I think your behavior have changed not just because of PCOS , your insecurity had conquered all other emotions. A bit control is required for that nothing else. Everything would be alright thereafter.
Cheer-up baby !