Relationship; do you tell him you have PCOS? why doesn't just accept me?

[jaynarod]

I haven't been able to bring myself to tell my boyfriend that I have PCOS. I scared that he will think that I am not capable of having children and well, leave me or think I have damaged genes aka survival of the fittest. We all know that isn't true. I know for a fact. I have been aware of my PCOS now for about 3 yrs now, I am now 25. In the past yr the hair excess hair growth around my face is starting to faze me and the acne is getting worse. I tried the birth control pills and metformin so far and nothing. I have been getting regular periods, 3-4 days long. Lately my self esteem has plunged; I can not stand looking into the mirror. It's something so simple. It's hair, acne why does this hurt so much? I have been in prior relationships and I have never felt the way I do now.. plain ugly. He has pointed out my hair in many occassions. It's hair, small little dark hairs that cover pretty much my entire body. I learned to joke around about it as I got older, the walking fur ball. I don't have the funds for laser hair removal, electrolysis and honestly I never considered it that bad, till he came along. I figured this is the way I was made, this is me. I learned to accept it yrs ago and have never been able to be put down till now. I used to have to shave my arms, face, neck, stomach, back, even chest as a teenager. I turned around and noticed the torture I was putting myself into. My mother tried and tried again to tell me that I was beautiful and who ever loved me would accept me the way I am. Why now after so many yrs have I come to regress to my childhood beliefs?

[Darlin]

Jayna - You will eventually have to discuss this with your boyfriend if you see yourself having a future with this man. He may just suprise you, and not care as much about it as you think he will. He may be supportive. If he is not then at least you know that you have been honest and he is not meant for you. Anyone that is not willing to support you is not worth wasting time over, life is too short.

[bebe]

i think you should tell him... eventually its gonna come out and he'll wonder why you never discuss this with him.. goodluck <3

[vwladybug22187]

I just was diagnosed with PCOS yesterday. Before I saw a specialist I was realyl worried about it. My father is a great physician and noticed that I might have PCOS. Anyway I am talking to this guy that lives 12 hours away. I was really upset when my dad told me I should go to the specialist, and he asked me what was bothering me. I told him I might have this condition but I am really embarrassed to tell you. He was like its ok just tell me on your own time. Well about a week later I told him what it might be bc it still bothered me. He was supportive and said that I shouldn't worry until I go to the specialist. Well my appointment was yesterday and my fears were confirmed. He asked me what the results were and I told him I had it. He is very supportive. He has been trying to cheer me up which is great. I just wish he lived in TN. lol But I think you should tell your bf if you want to have a future with him.

[AngiSc]

I think that it depends on the relationship. If this is a guy that isn't going to be around in two weeks then it really isn't any of his business. If this is someone that you could forsee a future with, then you owe it to him to know the whole you even the you that includes PCOS.

[Teresainpjs]

I think you may be feeling so down because you are not sure if you should tell him for fear of rejection. Your mom is right..you are beautiful regardless and you should tell him..then the jokes may stop because he will realize how much it upsets you. Good luck and never be ashamed of who you are!

[Beckysthecoolest]

I agree with Teresa. I think that you should tell him about your condition. I usually tell guys pretty soon after we start dating because I feel like it is important and just like you said, that is just me. It is who I am. If the guy is worth your time then he won't mind and will be supportive. I have a boyfriend I have been with for 7 months and I told him all about it. He has not let it phase him. So, if you tell the guy and he runs then he was pretty much a jerk anyways. That's what I think.

[AbstractBug]

"I have been in prior relationships and I have never felt the way I do now.. plain ugly. He has pointed out my hair in many occassions."

Is it that he is pointing out your hair, making you feel self-conscious, that makes you feel ugly? If that's the case, that's not very nice of him. In fact, I think it's downright mean. Men usually aren't idiots, most of them know that women are conscious of their hair (wherever it may be!) and the fact that he is pointing out facial hair is saying to me that either he's an idiot or he's a jerk.

I say, if you can see yourself procreating with him, then go ahead and tell him. If he makes you feel bad, makes you feel ugly and self-conscious about something you have no control over, then don't waste your time on a jerk.

[skusisto]

I say you tell him... one of two things will happen... he will know that you are self-concious of the hair, apologize for insensitive comments and you will both move forward and you'll once again be able to get back to the happy you. (Sounds like his comments combined with the apparent worsening of your symptoms is making you more self-concious... so at a minimum you should tell him to stop making comments...) The worst thing that could happen is that he does say that he doesn't want to be with you anymore, but really... you'll be all the better for it. Either way, the comments will stop and you'll be able to move forward.

PS... since you can't afford the medical hair removal techniques... work with the store bought ones. Things that have worked for me are the facial hair bleaches (I only get the ones for sensitive skin, my favorite is Jolene) or the facial hair depilatory (sp? the stuff that dissolves the hairs). It's a much more temporary fix, but it does the job. When I'm hairy... I don't feel very pretty either!

[Jillian]

I'd definately tell him if you see a future with the two of you. Like everyone else has said, if he is supportive, then that is the type of person you may want in your life. If he is a jerk and leaves, then you are far better off than if he had stayed and remained a jerk.

I can understand the fear of letting it out, however. Before I married my husband, I was scared as ever to say a word about it or any other conditions that I have. When I finally did tell him, he just said we would do what we had to do. He loved me for me, not for any condition I did or didn't have. He researched all on his own and even tried to suggest treatments for me (most of which I had long tried and failed at. ).

Give the guy a chance. He may surprise you!

Good luck!