Fears

[ndinkel]

I hope it is okay that I am posting this year, I feel bad that I am pregnant and posting here but I know that you girls will understand. Last Friday (April 11th) was the 1 yr anniversary of when we found out that Jaden was gone, it was also the day that I got my 2nd set of b/w work back that said that I really was pregnant, so that day was full of sad and happy feelings. Today is the one year anniversary of my D&C so pretty much when my first pregnancy ended. We have our first u/s on Monday. I am starting to get really scared. I can't loose another baby. I don't know what to do to make these fears go away. DH is really nervous too. I just want it to get here and I am sure the long drive isn't going to make it any easier. I bought the baby a blanket today, I figure I can hold onto it during the drive. I know Jaden is happy and in a better place but I am afraid that, I don't know, before every day I would always think about Jaden and I am afraid of that ending. I don't want to forget him, I know I never will. I don't know, I am making myself crazy. I still wear my bracelet everyday and I always will. I just needed to get this out. Thanks for everything ladies.

[bbmk2]

Naomi--We seem to be reaching anniversary's at that same time. It is amazing how much sadness is mixed with happiness in pregnancy after loss. No matter how many children you have, you will never forget your beautiful Jaden, your first child. Even if you decide to take off your bracelet one day, it will never change the love you hold in your heart for all of your children.

I was not prepared for how emotional being pregnant again would be. I have re-lived my losses so many times and some days are harder than others. I'm just trying to constantly remind myself that this new little one already has 2 angels looking out for him.

HUGS to you!

[Ishall]

Naomi, it's completely understadable to be scared right now, and unfortunately you are in for more. Having lost our innoncence of pregnancy, we don't get the luxery of a worry-free pregnancy because we know what can, and has happened. It is also hard to experience anniversaries of our losses while pregnant again. It is such an emotional rollercoaster that no one else could ever understand unless they've been through it. I can't even say that now, at the end of my pregnancy that I don't have days fulll of fear, but there have been some truly wonderful days where I do grieve my baby that is no longer here, but I feel so blessed to be pregnant again. It is bittersweet. All I can say is you do your best to take care of yourself and this baby that you are carrying now, and just hope and pray for the best, because you will never forget Jaden, no matter how mayn children you have or how much time goes by. You just learn how to live with that loss, while dealing with what every new day brings. I wish you so much luck with this pregnancy and look forward to hearing about your u/s tomorrow.

[kadi]

Naomi ~ I know you will get through today and tomorrow. Doctor's visits are terrifying at first because you're afraid that all of your worst fears about losing the baby will be confirmed by the doctor. I remember tearing up at my first couple visits before the dr came in the room because I was positive she would tell me something was wrong and I was losing the baby. There is really no way to make the fears go away, but try to stay positive and have hope that everything will be okay. Also I wanted to share that I just passed the 2-year anniversary of my first loss. Last year it was harder on me because we were still TTC and had experienced a second loss, so I felt like maybe I would never have a baby to hold in my arms. This year has been easier because I am focused on what lies ahead... and I think that's okay. Acceptance and moving forward are part of grieving and part of life. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. ((Hugs))

[alid]

Firstly, congrats on your pregnancy. Secondly, try to be positive and use mental imagery. N, you are a survior and your support-through posts and poems have helped us all. I don't post a lot, but I wanted to say thank you and God bless. I am looking forward to reading all about your pregnancy journey.