ndinkel
12-10-2007, 11:18 PM
These are poems that I have written since the loss of our baby. I was asked to put them all together so that they could be made a sticky that way they would all be together and easier to find.
We lost Jaden due to an blighten ovum pregnancy. Before each poem I have written a little bit about the inspiration behind them. I hope that you enjoy them and that my words may help you to understand that you are not alone.
This first poem "My Baby" was written after we found out the baby was gone but before I had my D&C. The night that I wrote this my DH kissed my tummy and told our baby goodbye. This was the first poem I had written in a couple of years. This is the only poem that I wrote specifically for Jaden.
My Baby
By: Ndinkel
My precious little baby
I held you inside
I longed to protect you
Please know mommy tried
I wanted to keep you
On Earth, here with me
But GOD took you to Heaven
Where now an Angel you'll be
Though my body is aching
And my heart can do nothing but cry
I know GOD has his plan
So I won't question why
He gave you your wings
Just as he gave you to me
My precious little baby
In my heart you will always be
This next poem, which seems to be a favorite, started out to be about a playground. I was trying to think of a way to comfort all of us so I decided to write a poem about a perfect playground in heaven. I even asked people to describe what they thought of when they thought about happy memories of their childhood. But while writing it I kept coming back to this wishing well in the middle of the playground. That is how Heaven's Pennies came to be.
Heaven's Pennies
By: Ndinkel
Upon a crowed street, in a store or in your car,
You may find a penny that has traveled very far.
At first glance you question, if you should stop or pass it by,
But what you will soon discover is a wish sent through the sky.
For this is no ordinary penny,
But a child's wish come true.
Because this very penny,
Was meant for only you.
You see, in Heaven there's a playground,
Where all the children play,
They laugh and sing and dance,
And everything's okay.
In this little playground,
In the middle of it all,
Is a magic wishing well,
That stands just two feet tall.
The children all get pennies,
To send wishes through the sky,
So mom and dad will know,
They do not need to cry.
Because in Heaven there's a playground,
Where all the children say,
"We love you mom and dad,"
"We will meet again one day."
So when walking down the street or riding in your car,
If you should find a penny that has traveled very far,
You will no longer question, if you should stop or pass it by,
For you know this is your child's wish that traveled through the sky.
For this is no ordinary penny,
It is your child's wish come true.
Because this very penny,
Was meant for only you.
This next poem I wrote especially for JL, Jada and Mel who all were able to get pregnant again and then sadly there were three more angels in Heaven.
Dear Mommy and Daddy,
I know you are hurting and questioning why.
I had to leave early without saying good-bye.
But what you don't know and may never see.
Are the dreams that you had, were all felt by me.
While cuddled inside you, I took it all in,
Every goal, every smile, every wish from within.
I know you may worry, but know I'm okay.
I met my big brother, on my first day.
He welcomed me with hugs and we talked about you.
How we miss mommy's tummy and daddy's kisses too.
But we know here in Heaven, is where we should be.
It was always God's plan, for my brother and me.
One day our little sister you will cuddle inside.
And just like brother and me she will fill you with pride.
But she won't leave early, she won't say good-bye.
Your breath will be taken, as you hear her first cry.
Though you'll move on and cuddle more babies inside,
We'll always be the angels at your side.
Love,
Your Baby
This next poem was written after there was a week when it seemed like so many angel babies were made and I was trying to make sense of it all.
Dear Friend,
While I sat here reading
And tears began to fall,
I began to ponder
Why this happened to us all.
I still cannot understand,
Why our babies had to go.
But I have begun to wonder,
If the reason isn't so...
Did my angel go to heaven,
So I could be here for you?
Did your angel go to heaven,
So you would know my pain was true?
Is this never-ending circle
Of friends from far and wide,
Put together for a purpose
So we would not have to hide?
Are we here so that no one
Would ever feel they are alone?
Are we here so that our angels
Would never be "unknown?"
Am here to guide you to your pennies?
Are you here to help me through the day?
Are we here to give each other hope?
So that someday we can say...
We made it through this trial.
You were always there for me.
You're a friend sent from Heaven.
This was always meant to be.
I still don't have the answers.
I can't take the pain away.
But know that I am here,
To help you through the day.
Your Friend,
Naomi
This is the poem that I wrote that is suppose to be from a man's point of view. One night when DH and I were talking about having another baby and I said "don't you want a baby you can hold" he told me "I held our baby when I held you"
These Arms
By: NDinkel
From the night when I first held you
You said you loved my arms.
You said that when I held you,
No one could bring you harm.
And from the moment that you told me,
That you were carrying our baby inside,
I dreamed about the day
I would hold our child with pride.
While holding you at night,
I held our baby too.
And within these arms of mine
I held my dreams come true.
Then our baby left us.
And an angel he became.
What I held within these arms.
Was only you in pain.
I know your heart is breaking,
And the pain is all too real.
But I pray within these arms
That both of us may heal.
This poem I wrote when what would have been my due date was getting closer. I was having a very hard time dealing with all of the emotions I was feeling and while writing this I sat at the kitchen table and just cried.
Dear God,
I have often sat and wondered.
I have often sat and prayed.
I have questioned your decisions.
And the choices that were made.
I know no one is to blame.
Though I put the blame on me.
I don't think I'll ever understand,
Why my baby had to leave.
Sometimes I think that you'll tell me.
Sometimes I think I'll never know.
I keep looking for the answers.
Why did my baby have to go?
I know that he is with you.
He is in your loving care.
But God, I don't understand,
Why he had to grow up there?
I know that all my questions,
Will not bring my baby back.
But I need to know the answers.
I need to know the facts.
What did I do wrong?
Why did you choose me?
Why is my baby an angel?
Was this really meant to be?
I hope that you are listening.
I know that you are here.
Tell me, how do I go on?
When future seems unclear.
I know that you are busy.
And you may not answer today.
But God, I need your help.
I need your help to find my way.
Love,
Naomi
This is the first time I have posted this next poem but I actually started it about two months ago, around the anniversary of Savannah's birth. I wrote it with BBMK2 and Ishall in mind but it is for anyone who has gone through the pain of delivering and then loosing their precious little baby.
My First Born
By: NDinkel
The moment that I dreamed of
It came along too soon
You were not ready to leave me
But there was nothing we could do
The doctors, they were trying
And daddy and I prayed
But GOD had a different plan
And in my womb you could not stay
You fought so hard and showed us
The will you held inside
But oh my precious baby
The pain you could not hide
So our Father took you
To a place with no more pain
To a nursery in Heaven
Where an angel you became.
Now not a day goes by
When you don't cross my mind
And although it is painful
A smile is what your find
You are my first-born baby
This is always what you'll be
When you went to Heaven
You took a piece of me
This is just a little poem that I wrote so I thought I would add it.
The Baby You Held In Your Womb
By: Naomi Dinkel
The baby you held in your womb.
The angel you held in your hands.
The life you dreamed of was gone
The reality you can't understand.
The questions that may never be answered.
The pain will someday subside.
But the baby you held in your womb.
Will be the angel that stands at your side.
This is a poem that I wrote in October of 2007 that I never posted. It is also suppose to be from a man's point of view.
IRON HEART
You may not hear my crys.
You may not see my tears.
But hidden behind an iron heart,
I hide all the same fears.
The pain and guilt consumes me.
There was nothing I could do.
The job that GOD had given me,
Was to protect the both of you.
I failed to protect our dreams,
The hopes we held inside.
I failed to protect our family,
The day our baby died.
At times I stop and wonder,
And these thoughts will cross my mind,
If I looked into the future,
What family would I find.
Will I ever be a father,
to a child here on Earth?
Will I ever get to witness,
the miracle of birth?
Will I forget you?
These questions weigh on my mind.
When I hold another baby,
What emotions will I find?
Will I be able to move on,
While holding on to you?
Can I love another child,
The way that I love you?
This fear is all around me.
The pain I can not bare.
Will I loose another child,
And wonder if GOD cares?
I don't want to forget,
But I need to carry on.
Please know my precious angel,
That Daddy is not gone.
We lost Jaden due to an blighten ovum pregnancy. Before each poem I have written a little bit about the inspiration behind them. I hope that you enjoy them and that my words may help you to understand that you are not alone.
This first poem "My Baby" was written after we found out the baby was gone but before I had my D&C. The night that I wrote this my DH kissed my tummy and told our baby goodbye. This was the first poem I had written in a couple of years. This is the only poem that I wrote specifically for Jaden.
My Baby
By: Ndinkel
My precious little baby
I held you inside
I longed to protect you
Please know mommy tried
I wanted to keep you
On Earth, here with me
But GOD took you to Heaven
Where now an Angel you'll be
Though my body is aching
And my heart can do nothing but cry
I know GOD has his plan
So I won't question why
He gave you your wings
Just as he gave you to me
My precious little baby
In my heart you will always be
This next poem, which seems to be a favorite, started out to be about a playground. I was trying to think of a way to comfort all of us so I decided to write a poem about a perfect playground in heaven. I even asked people to describe what they thought of when they thought about happy memories of their childhood. But while writing it I kept coming back to this wishing well in the middle of the playground. That is how Heaven's Pennies came to be.
Heaven's Pennies
By: Ndinkel
Upon a crowed street, in a store or in your car,
You may find a penny that has traveled very far.
At first glance you question, if you should stop or pass it by,
But what you will soon discover is a wish sent through the sky.
For this is no ordinary penny,
But a child's wish come true.
Because this very penny,
Was meant for only you.
You see, in Heaven there's a playground,
Where all the children play,
They laugh and sing and dance,
And everything's okay.
In this little playground,
In the middle of it all,
Is a magic wishing well,
That stands just two feet tall.
The children all get pennies,
To send wishes through the sky,
So mom and dad will know,
They do not need to cry.
Because in Heaven there's a playground,
Where all the children say,
"We love you mom and dad,"
"We will meet again one day."
So when walking down the street or riding in your car,
If you should find a penny that has traveled very far,
You will no longer question, if you should stop or pass it by,
For you know this is your child's wish that traveled through the sky.
For this is no ordinary penny,
It is your child's wish come true.
Because this very penny,
Was meant for only you.
This next poem I wrote especially for JL, Jada and Mel who all were able to get pregnant again and then sadly there were three more angels in Heaven.
Dear Mommy and Daddy,
I know you are hurting and questioning why.
I had to leave early without saying good-bye.
But what you don't know and may never see.
Are the dreams that you had, were all felt by me.
While cuddled inside you, I took it all in,
Every goal, every smile, every wish from within.
I know you may worry, but know I'm okay.
I met my big brother, on my first day.
He welcomed me with hugs and we talked about you.
How we miss mommy's tummy and daddy's kisses too.
But we know here in Heaven, is where we should be.
It was always God's plan, for my brother and me.
One day our little sister you will cuddle inside.
And just like brother and me she will fill you with pride.
But she won't leave early, she won't say good-bye.
Your breath will be taken, as you hear her first cry.
Though you'll move on and cuddle more babies inside,
We'll always be the angels at your side.
Love,
Your Baby
This next poem was written after there was a week when it seemed like so many angel babies were made and I was trying to make sense of it all.
Dear Friend,
While I sat here reading
And tears began to fall,
I began to ponder
Why this happened to us all.
I still cannot understand,
Why our babies had to go.
But I have begun to wonder,
If the reason isn't so...
Did my angel go to heaven,
So I could be here for you?
Did your angel go to heaven,
So you would know my pain was true?
Is this never-ending circle
Of friends from far and wide,
Put together for a purpose
So we would not have to hide?
Are we here so that no one
Would ever feel they are alone?
Are we here so that our angels
Would never be "unknown?"
Am here to guide you to your pennies?
Are you here to help me through the day?
Are we here to give each other hope?
So that someday we can say...
We made it through this trial.
You were always there for me.
You're a friend sent from Heaven.
This was always meant to be.
I still don't have the answers.
I can't take the pain away.
But know that I am here,
To help you through the day.
Your Friend,
Naomi
This is the poem that I wrote that is suppose to be from a man's point of view. One night when DH and I were talking about having another baby and I said "don't you want a baby you can hold" he told me "I held our baby when I held you"
These Arms
By: NDinkel
From the night when I first held you
You said you loved my arms.
You said that when I held you,
No one could bring you harm.
And from the moment that you told me,
That you were carrying our baby inside,
I dreamed about the day
I would hold our child with pride.
While holding you at night,
I held our baby too.
And within these arms of mine
I held my dreams come true.
Then our baby left us.
And an angel he became.
What I held within these arms.
Was only you in pain.
I know your heart is breaking,
And the pain is all too real.
But I pray within these arms
That both of us may heal.
This poem I wrote when what would have been my due date was getting closer. I was having a very hard time dealing with all of the emotions I was feeling and while writing this I sat at the kitchen table and just cried.
Dear God,
I have often sat and wondered.
I have often sat and prayed.
I have questioned your decisions.
And the choices that were made.
I know no one is to blame.
Though I put the blame on me.
I don't think I'll ever understand,
Why my baby had to leave.
Sometimes I think that you'll tell me.
Sometimes I think I'll never know.
I keep looking for the answers.
Why did my baby have to go?
I know that he is with you.
He is in your loving care.
But God, I don't understand,
Why he had to grow up there?
I know that all my questions,
Will not bring my baby back.
But I need to know the answers.
I need to know the facts.
What did I do wrong?
Why did you choose me?
Why is my baby an angel?
Was this really meant to be?
I hope that you are listening.
I know that you are here.
Tell me, how do I go on?
When future seems unclear.
I know that you are busy.
And you may not answer today.
But God, I need your help.
I need your help to find my way.
Love,
Naomi
This is the first time I have posted this next poem but I actually started it about two months ago, around the anniversary of Savannah's birth. I wrote it with BBMK2 and Ishall in mind but it is for anyone who has gone through the pain of delivering and then loosing their precious little baby.
My First Born
By: NDinkel
The moment that I dreamed of
It came along too soon
You were not ready to leave me
But there was nothing we could do
The doctors, they were trying
And daddy and I prayed
But GOD had a different plan
And in my womb you could not stay
You fought so hard and showed us
The will you held inside
But oh my precious baby
The pain you could not hide
So our Father took you
To a place with no more pain
To a nursery in Heaven
Where an angel you became.
Now not a day goes by
When you don't cross my mind
And although it is painful
A smile is what your find
You are my first-born baby
This is always what you'll be
When you went to Heaven
You took a piece of me
This is just a little poem that I wrote so I thought I would add it.
The Baby You Held In Your Womb
By: Naomi Dinkel
The baby you held in your womb.
The angel you held in your hands.
The life you dreamed of was gone
The reality you can't understand.
The questions that may never be answered.
The pain will someday subside.
But the baby you held in your womb.
Will be the angel that stands at your side.
This is a poem that I wrote in October of 2007 that I never posted. It is also suppose to be from a man's point of view.
IRON HEART
You may not hear my crys.
You may not see my tears.
But hidden behind an iron heart,
I hide all the same fears.
The pain and guilt consumes me.
There was nothing I could do.
The job that GOD had given me,
Was to protect the both of you.
I failed to protect our dreams,
The hopes we held inside.
I failed to protect our family,
The day our baby died.
At times I stop and wonder,
And these thoughts will cross my mind,
If I looked into the future,
What family would I find.
Will I ever be a father,
to a child here on Earth?
Will I ever get to witness,
the miracle of birth?
Will I forget you?
These questions weigh on my mind.
When I hold another baby,
What emotions will I find?
Will I be able to move on,
While holding on to you?
Can I love another child,
The way that I love you?
This fear is all around me.
The pain I can not bare.
Will I loose another child,
And wonder if GOD cares?
I don't want to forget,
But I need to carry on.
Please know my precious angel,
That Daddy is not gone.