What helped you adjust to Motherhood?

[wildflower]

Hi Everyone-

I am newly pregnant and having a hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that I'm going to be a mother! I keep realizing all the ways that my life is already changing and all the ways that it will change. I feel like the me that I knew isn't going to exist anymore and will be gone forever. The life that I knew and loved (and yes was bored with and felt like I needed to move on to the next step) is going to vanish...has already vanished! I am no longer an individual and wife...I am a mother. I was excited to be pregnant and get lots of attention (not the only reason I wanted to get pregnant, but certainly a postitive aspect), but now I realize that I'm not getting the attention it's the baby. I feel like I don't exist anymore!

I'm finding myself to be extremely overwhelmed and anxious about these thoughts and was hoping that you wise mothers who have been through the transition can help me find my way. How did you make the transition to motherhood, what helped you the most, and how do you still hold on to your Self?

[mara232]

It doesn't hit you really until you are holding your child and all of this worry was for nothing. Like anything it just takes living in the moment to figure things out. try not to worry too much. I know it's confusing being a new mom - to be honest - it is a selfless job. And you do get wrapped up in this tiny creature's life in the beginning. Eventually you find your way and start doing things for yourselves. It' s nothing you can prepare for in my honest opinion.

[mara232]

BTW - I never really felt like a mom until I had him and that's when everything kind of fell into place.

[wantingbabynumber2]

It' s nothing you can prepare for in my honest opinion.

Hate to say it but that really is true! I mean there are sooo many things that can happen when you have a kid some women have PPD some don't, some have colicky babies, some women take to being mama's right away some never "get" it. Its really hard to say what kind of mom you will be. And hate to say it there are going to be days in your pregnancy you are irritable or tired or emotional and cry at the drop of the hat all normal. Its totally normal to obsess on everything. My husband and I still say omg what are we doing with kids? But when you see them and hold them and know you created them its a love and achievement you have never felt before. There are days when my 3 year old is a terror and feel like I am a horrid mom for yelling or wanting to let the tv babysit her for 10 min so I can have silence but that is all normal. Kids have unconditional love for you and you will make mistakes learn from them. I don't know how much you have been around kids but if you haven't you and hubby should take prenatal classes on infant care. Also are you planning on breastfeeding? How does hubby feel about it? Will he support you and help you? Will he feel insecure or left out by doing it? My hubby didn't care wasn't really for it but once he found out how good it was for baby he was great about it and would rub my shoulders or feet just really supportive. He also never had any jealousy with the baby or the time we spent together he was not worried about not feeding her bottles he bonded with her in other ways. And when you see your hubby cuddle up with your baby omg you fall in love with him all over again. Read up on child rearing and see what type of parents you want to be. You want to make sure you and your husband agree on how to discipline and raise your child(ren). I swore I would never spank my daughter but have on a few rare occasions. She almost ran in front of a moving car and I said no and she kept going out of like automatic reaction I spanked her and said no man I felt so guilty started bawling. Guess what she survived. She is a well adjusted well behaved kid most of the time but she is still a kid and there are times you are going to be at your wits end. You also have to decide if you can or will keep up with 2 jobs or will hubby pick up the slack I know you had said on another thread about him trying to find another job. Who is going to stay home with baby? Stay at home dads are more and more popular. My husband is working on starting his side biz and will probably within the next year be a stay at home dad and I will finish nursing school and only work outside the home 2 days per week. So our kids will have us all the time. Financially you have to see what is important and what you can afford or do with or without. We gave up a second car to save some money which is okay most of the time but there are times it was the worst mistake we made. My girlfriend wants to be a sahm but won't give up her big house or eating out everyday etc so they can't afford it. There are tons of sites that will help you on what baby needs bouncers and swings and toys but don't go overboard its not all necessary. You can prepare for labor and delivery but guess what it is ALL out of your control. The best thing you can do is educate yourself and just when you think you are ready this little bundle of joy is gonna show up and it will all fall into place. And if you have trouble in the beginning ask for help from other mom's/grandma/nurses until you get the swing of it. Hope that helps.

[mara232]

I agree with a lot of what Karen posted. For me - I had PPD, breastfeeding troubles and a colicky baby and it was hard. No books, reading, etc could have helped me for what I went through. But we figured it all out and I wouldn't change this even for a second!

[elsie]

Wild == I only have a minute but I want to say that I can remember exactly how you are feeling -- to dh's family, I felt like I was nothing but a womb when I was pg and then after I had ds1, like all I was was a womb-waiting to be filled with a granddaughter (which I didn't have which gave me evil pleasure, I know I'm bad!!). We actually get along great now, btw. These feelings will resolve with time but I just want to know that other moms have definitely been thru it and I commend you for reaching out about it!! I'll write more later.

[wantingbabynumber2]

I read your post on the preg board too and wanted to comment on the pre term delivery. Its not the norm by any means. My first pregnancy I took great care to eat properly and exercise and delivered at 27w and they still don't know why. This time I have been monitored and am at 32w so it looks like it was just a fluke. Some women constantly deliver preterm my girlfriend delivered at 31 and 36 and 33 with her kids. If you have never had a d&c/abortion/leep procedure etc more than likely your cervix wont' be an issue. You can go to the march of dimes website and read up on risk factors.

[Kim]

I remember that "what about me?" feeling well. In fact, I still get it with dh's family. A lot of times they talk to me THROUGH my baby (huge pet peeve). If they say "Jonah, did you take a nap today?" (or whatever) I do not answer them. If they really want to know, they can ask me. I've learned to just let it slide off because at the end of the day, he is my baby and I'm the one who gets to nurse him in the middle of the night, and I'm the one who gets to see his beautiful face first thing in the morning, etc. Don't worry about not feeling that "motherly" feeling yet. I think once you feel your baby move inside of you, something goes off in your brain that tells you it is all real. Congratulations!

[elsie]

OMG Kim, my mil used to do that too!!! She said that same thing, "So did your mommy put you down for a nap today? You need to tell Mommy that it's too cold out for this outfit!" I got to the point where I wouldn't engage her and she'd repeat the question via baby and I'd say, "Oh, were you talking to me?"

OK, sorry I took over this thread but this brought back memories that you wouldn't believe!!! Believe it or not we get along really well now but the road wasn't smooth ...

[MommyX3]

My hardest time was about a week after... No more ob appt's or nst's or u/s no more attention from my wonderful ob who saw me every 2wks from about 8wks then weekly toward the end. My husband jokes the only reason I got pregant was for the attention.. if true you think he get the hint :lol: I'd say the key is bonding with baby, because it while can be a problem feels so good when all they want is there mommy, but it can be a problem for times you need your time... But enjoy your pregnancy, do the tummy mold and all the fun pregant people only classes

If you trust your ob trust they know what there doing and will give you the best care possiable.. Oh and btw during my 1st pregnancy my ob banned me from the lifetime channel that shows all the "baby stories" because ofcourse they never have a simple 40wk delivery with no problems, nope they have the worst case sistuations for mommies tobe to see and worry about..

Good Luck Relax and Enjoy!!!! :D

[texasred1]

Wildflower - Never in a million years would I have thought I'd be one to sit around and go ga ga over some baby! But now I ga ga about my ds all the time and miss him terribly while at work. Prior to having a child People would bring their babies to work and I had ZERO interst in holding them, let alone them being in my office. Now don't get me wrong, when I found out I was pregnant I was thrilled - scared too, but happy, and it was a complete shock because we were not ttc. But still when a woman brought her screaming, crying 8 week old into my office when I was 30 weeks pregant I still had ZERO interst and wanted them to leave! I took parenting classes, read books and what not, but nothing can prepare you for it until it's there, your little baby in your arms - wow - what a feeling. I remember it exactly, when I was in the hospital with Mason in my bed with me after about a 3am feed, just the 2 of us, me looking down at his sweet little face.

I had gone through the "wild" phase of my life and never could figure out where a baby would fit in, I even struggled with it while pregnant, but once again after seeing that little guy it just all changed. I know that sounds so cliche. Women used to tell me crap like, "Oh, it's different when it's yours, just wait until you hav one of your own" I'm here to tell you it is true. I also wondered if I was going to lose myself as you say. I haven't lost myself at all, just gained more to me (if that makes sense). When my ds was going through his jaundice troubles my mom said to me, "Yes, it's hard but the rewards outweigh the troubles by far". I have to agree with her.

My dh asked me just the other day, "How much sleep a night do you actually get?" This question because I bf and ds sleeps in our room and if he wakes to be fed I just bring him to bed, no need for dh to wake up. I had to think about it for a minute because in all reality I am not lacking sleep, I don't feel tired at work, even though I probably lose anywhere from 1-3 hours of sleep. I have put up with lots of crap about pumping and bf through my work, but at the end of the day when I look back on it I pat myself on the back for doing such a great job. It is by far the most rewarding thing I've done in life - being a mom.

I guess all of my little stories that I have typed in the above paragraphs are my transitioning into motherhood. there was no one thing that I did, read, watched or othrewise that help me. Nothing could prepare me for it. Like Mara said - it just happens.

Enjoy your pregnancy, enjoy the attention that you receive, there is nothing wrong with that. And yes, people are giving you attention don't feel guilty. Guess it's part of that pregnancy glow.

[Preemienurse]

Wildflower, my baby is already six weeks old and I'm still trying to adjust to motherhood! I think when I go back to work I'll start to feel more like "me" again.

I know this isn't the best crowd to admit this to, but Molly was an unplanned pregnancy. We weren't anywhere NEAR ready, emotionally, to have a baby when I got pregnant. I didn't even believe it at first - my RE told me I'd need in vitro unless I lost weight, so I never in a million years thought I'd get pregnant spontaneously. I kept saying, "No, it's just a cyst, I'm not pregnant, I can't get pregnant..." I just wasn't ready, at all. I mean, I was 30 and married so it's not like I was THAT unprepared. But in my mind, I wasn't through being "me" yet. I still wanted to enjoy being a newlywed and living on our own and having fun for awhile. We were planning to buy a house, DH to graduate college and get a better job, switch medical insurance, and THEN try to have a baby.

Once I found out I was pregnant, the first thing my docs wanted to talk about was preventing miscarriage. GREAT! Now THAT'S a super way to get me excited about pregnancy!!! :( Being a NICU nurse, I knew all the risks so that didn't help either.

I had a really hard time adjusting to being pregnant, but I had an even harder time adjusting to the fact that I was having a BABY.

I know, that doesn't appear to make sense.

But I was so scared that I'd lose the baby that I refused to really let myself believe I was having a child until I got well past the age of fetal viability. 23 weeks is the earliest these days, but 26 weeks is what I was shooting for. I didn't register, buy any baby things, NOTHING, until 26 weeks. It was only then that I adjusted to the fact that I was having a baby. And of course, at that point my blood pressure started going up so even then I didn't get to enjoy my pregnancy and bond with the baby...

Paranoid and strange, yes. But the whole pregnancy, from day one, had me freaked out.

Then my delivery didn't go as I'd hoped, and after 24 hours of painful labor I had a c-section. I was so exhausted by that time, that when they showed me my daughter in the operating room, I was literally saying, "Yeah, yeah, great, whatever..." and falling asleep on the table!!! I was THAT tired. So even that initial bonding that women talk about, when you see your baby for the first time how you fall in love and can't imagine your life without them...didn't happen for me.

I really don't think it was until my husband went back to work after 2 weeks and I was alone with the baby that I really bonded with her. It was then that I accepted the fact that I am a mother, she is my daughter, and that's something pretty special. :) I had been so worried about EVERYTHING - not being emotionally ready for a baby, not wanting to give up my selfish lifestyle, the possibility of losing the baby, my own health, what my husband thought, etc.

I do remember the exact moment when I accepted the fact that my life will never be the same, and that I am a mother, and that I am totally falling in love with my baby...

She was sleeping in the cradle in our bedroom, while I was in the living room. And I missed her.

She was probably 40 steps away from me, but I just ached for her. I wanted her to wake up so that I could hold her and look into her eyes. It was overwhelming!

As far as keeping "you" from changing too much....

I don't think you can. You will forever be different. But you can make an effort to make things return back to normal after you have the baby, in some areas of your life at least. Keep up with your friends. Work at having a loving relationship with your husband, making time for each other. Don't feel guilty about having to go back to work - your career is part of "you" and motherhood doesn't have to change that. Don't give up all your hobbies. Make sure to have some "me" time once in awhile.

I know this was a long, rambling post, but it really got me thinking. It's taken me a long time to adjust to motherhood. I'm still working on it.

[karenh]

I had it different, we have foster kids (not sure if we will be able to adopt these 3 or another child yet) but we were parents of 3 over night, for me I didnt get much of a chance to even think about it, it just happened, one day it was just the 2 of us and the next we had 3 kids calling us "mommy and Daddy". I have found in the almost 4 months we have had them here with us that we are so involved with them and their needs we dont acutally think much of ourselves anymore. And although I miss quiet time occasionally I dont miss what we were before the kids, dont get me wrong we enjoyed ourselves did alot of fun stuff, but we are in our element with children, I know we would be miserable without kids in the house.

[prinny]

A) How did you make the transition to motherhood, B) what helped you the most, and C) how do you still hold on to your Self?

A) The ceasarian section certainly took care of that! :wink:

B) As the girls have said, there isnt anything that can prepare you... except perhaps a time machine:!:

and C) Ive never thought of it as holding on to myself. That old gal has gone. That deliciously selfish, sleep late, drinking floozy has been replaced with a still, kinda selfish (!) sleep when she can, a tipple now and then floozy who would kill and maim and destroy for her son. Her boobs are wrecked, her stomach is now a floppy old skin comforter and she is someone who wants nothing more than to sit on the floor and play with her brilliant baby. Her hair's pretty good though, much the same as the old girls but yeah, her boobs/belly --- WRECKED!

:lol: :D :lol:

The first 3 weeks were really hellish for me. I loved him but I didnt know what the hell he wanted. When ever he cried, I cried. It was awful - still the memory is fading and I'm starting to get the hang of his demanding little ways. Having an excellently supportive husband and a close and brilliant family was my savior.

I went back to work too soon but I was lucky enough to be able to hire a Nanny who comes with me 9 times out of 10 OR they stay at home with Daddy who works primarily from home. We still travel an awful lot although I'd rather stay at home and play with him. And... you know, you're just going to be able to do it. You will. You'll love it and you'll marvel at how you're able to cope. Don't let anyone pressure you about ANYTHING. I couldnt breastfeed and as soon as I made the decision to stop torturing myself (and Spike) and STOP, things got a lot better for me.

Ahhhh, you're gonna love it! But say bye bye to your boobs and your tummy now!

:wink:

Prinny xxxx

[wildflower]

texasred - I'm the same way about babies in the office. I'm even thinking already that I won't bring my baby in to see everyone. I'll know they'll be exceptionally mad about that, but I don't want to pass my child around like she's a hot potato! But who knows, maybe all that will change? And I think the bottom line is, there is nothing that can prepare me and that is the most frightening thing! This will definately be a life lesson for me in learning to let go and let be!

premienurse - you were not rambling at all! What you said really helped me!
As much as I planned for this child, I am still shocked that I'm pregnant - maybe even more so than someone who gets the surprise, because as you had said (even though yours was a surprise) you didn't think you could get pregnant. I was starting to lose hope and think that maybe I just wasn't meant to be a parent. So even though I thought I was through having my selfish life (I'm 35), I'm still quite attached to it and want to be able to do what I want, whenever I want without having to think of a child in the mix! But I just need to keep my focus on the fact that my life felt like something was missing and this is what I thought would fill it. I wanted me heart to grow...I wanted the challenge. That's why I was trying, RIGHT! I just need to bring myself back to the real meaning of being a mommy.

The more I read about the risks, the less I want to get attached. Doesn't help with the adjustment! :? I'm hoping after my 1st u/s tomorrow that those fears will start to fade!

My sister told me a story of one of her births where she had a natural childbirth and she was in so much pain that she doesn't even remember the last hour of the birth. She vaguely remembers them showing her the baby and at that point, she just didn't care! She just wanted the pain to stop! I wanted to have a natural childbirth but now I'm so freaked out, I just don't know if I can do this...but there's no turning back now!!

I'm glad to hear that there are ranges in the time for bonding! I'm really afraid that this freaking out now is an indicator that I will get PPD and not be able to deal after the baby is born! I've had depression in my past and it is usually situational...but having a child is a situational thing!! :? I've not had feelings of anxiety in months and now I can't make them go away (it's only been a few days now though...and gets worse when reading pregnancy books :roll: ). That's the main thing that makes me miss my predictable, stable and balanced life before being pregnant....well really before fertility meds and TTC!!

I have so many worries, that I can't even sort them out, but all the ones you mentioned...yep...sounds familiar!! It's good to know that this is really all a part of the process though!

Mommy X3 - I think you are right. The hardest time will be once everyone leaves. maybe that is the time when I will hire the doula to come and help! Or try to set things up so that I have support for more than just one week!! Good that I have an ob that I adore too!! I have my first appt with him tomorrow and I hope that helps me to relax!

elsie and kim - that's too funny about the MIL!!

wanting - I think my other post must have been confusing, but I just realized this morning what you meant. I wrote that I wasn't concerned about m/c anymore because of these raging hormones,...things must be progressing along fine...but I was more afraid of carrying to term. What I meant was that I was more afraid of having the baby!!! Actually carrying to term and having to birth a child and take it home and care for it and all that entails!!! I'm really trying to avoid thinking of all the things that can go wrong, because I'm already so overwhelmed by what happens when things go right! :lol: Good advice though to ask for help...and accept it!!

Thanks for ALL of your responses!! These feelings too shall pass! I hate to compare having a child to getting a puppy, but it's really the only thing I have to compare it to. And I got through that! :lol: The sleepless nights, the discipline, the figuring out how it all fits together, what kind of parent/dog owner will I be, etc, etc. I know that I'll make it through...intelectually I know I will. Now if only I can center myself while my emotions run rampant, I think I'll be okay!! 8)

[elsie]

Hey Wild!! I promised I'd write back and I usually write a lot :oops: so here goes ...

I don't mean to analyze your post to death (it's just the teacher side of me -- sorry!) but a couple of things popped out at me ... I guess I just want to say that the feelings don't "pass" as much as they change over time. I was a really young mom so even though I'm very happy with my life, I can't help but think about how footloose and fancy-free my 20's could've been ... even though I'd been away from home since 16, lived in several different cool places, etc. Therefore maybe I'm more concerned than the average mom with keeping my own identity intact ... plus I'm from a family of strong feminists first and foremost my mom who are preoccupied with this as well. I was completely consumed, physically and emotionally, with parenthood until both sons were pre-school age and then started to do things on my own with a vengeance ... not necessarily paid work (although I do work part-time now) but I've taken classes toward my rn, gotten scuba-certified, taken community seminars, etc. -- plus I discovered fitness and that's turned my life around (sorry, I'm a pilates, not yoga woman :lol: ). I have found this makes me a more interesting mate and mom not to mention making me happier ... and for better or for worse (so to speak) the marriage is the bedrock of the family. It has been out of fashion for a while to leave the kids with sitters and go out on the town or away for the weekend, but don't feel you have to do what everyone around you is doing. If your marriage needs a tune-up, get it. If you need a re-charge, take it ... I honestly believe that within reasonable limits, EVERYONE in the family is better off if all members of it have their individual pursuits, as well as ways to have fun together. If you're a happy person who is creative in your approach to life, so will be your parenting experience ... it will reflect who you are, who your child and mate is, and what you create together. It is an adventure, not a life sentence.

Secondly, (and maybe this is nothing) ... I've noticed you call your baby "she" a couple of times. I'm certainly not suggesting you shoudl say "he" but if even a small part of you has your heart set on either gender, best to address that now. Take it from me as someone with two boys .... I really wanted a girl during pg#2 but I didn't have even have an u/s during that pg so obviously it was a surprise till the moment of truth. I'm very happy but my expectation of a perfect family would've been 1 of each. I'm glad in retrospect that I didn't know cause I was so exhilerated with the healthy birth that I forgot about my expectations, except in an abstract sense.

Third ... about the labor and delivery. If this puts your mind at ease at all, I had less than one hour of active labor with each child. Water broke both times, made it to the hospital with no contractions, starting dilation and contraction and had the babies (both times) 45 mins. later -- obviously with no pain meds. I have an acquaintance who felt sick to her stomach and called her mom, only to feel the baby crowning. She called 911 and delivered the baby herself with paramedics on the line. I have another friend whose anesthesiologist was prepping her for an epidural and the baby basically slipped out on her own and he had to deliver it -- ob was no where to be found. There are lots of stories like these, maybe as many as the horror stories you hear out there.

I guess if I had to sum it all up I'd second what several people have said, that nothing can prepare you for all the joyous but sometimes terrifying upheaval that comes with parenthood. It really is a time to learn to let go of concrete expectations, cause they only lead to disappointment most of the time and if you're fixated on them, you can miss the really important stuff that makes it YOUR pg/birth/baby, not the one you envisioned in your head. HTH and sorry for writing a book!!!

[wildflower]

elsie - I love the books!! They tell a story and seem to help the most!! Thanks for responding!

I guess I feel a little guilty feeling selfish about having a baby at 35. I've had the time to live my footloose and fancy free life and had already started to settle down myself. But I was feeling quite comfortable! But in all, you are right, I believe that you make a better family if you each have your own pursuits and take care of yourself. It's just that society tends to look at you as a bad mother if you do too much of that. But you know what...who cares anymore what other people think! I have to do what is best for me and my new family!!

I do call her she!!...I realize that. I'm not really set on one sex or the other, especially since it is our first child, I don't really care one way or the other. Just don't know what to call the baby yet and don't want to use IT! :lol: And I can identify a little better with the feminine, so she it is until we find out the sex! Of course, DH is calling the baby HE!! :lol:

I'm starting to feel a little glimmer of being happy to have this journey! It will make me a better person in the end...all turmoil in your life makes you stronger in the end!

[texasred1]

Wild - I didn't have a baby until I was 37! And it was soooo not planned. We did everything back-ass-wards. We bought our house, were going to get married in April. I was working on losing weight for a wedding in Dec. And Jan. found out I was preggo!

My mom even made this big speech Christmas about how she was worried I wouldn't be able to do it, cause I'd waitd so long, so set in my ways (she meant I'm kinda all about me) no interest in kids and what not but she's so thrilled to see what a wonderful mom I am. - wow! What a compliment and shock!

You'll do fine. Try to relax. That is after it has sunk in...

[wildflower]

texas - that is such an adorable Christmas photo!! I'd be amazed too if my parents were proud of my parenting! As much as they love me, they never tell me that.

[texasred1]

All I can say is babies do strange things to people. My mother announced while I was still pregnant how she "didn't do babies" she'd be much better and "like" them more when they were around 6 months +. I truly believed this because she never had anymore babies after me. HAHAHAH LMAO! Can I just tell you this woman, my mother is the most ga ga over this baby?!? HA! She "doesn't do babies". And I never thought she'd ever make such a statement about my parenting skills.

Oh and thanks on the photo!!! He's pretty cute, if I do say so myself, hehehe.

[bays mom]

Nothing prepared me for motherhood. Them handing me my son and escorting us out of the hospital with the huge responsibility made me adjust super quick! It all will work it self out, and you will have no idea how you do it, but you do!!

[wildflower]

Tonya - that's supercute picture too!! Seeing all the baby pics today is making me realize what I put myself in this situation! Thanks for helping me realize that it's about holding that baby in your arms and everything else falls into place!

[Patty12]

Okay, I'm 2weeks into this - I am still far too easily brought to tears to read this yet. (hormones plus lack of sleep, I think!)

Preemienurse you made me cry (in a good way) and Prinny, you totally made me crack up through my tears!

I love having everyone's thoughts and points of view!!

- Patty

[elsie]

Wild == I have a great book that addresses these questions about what society has deemed is acceptable mothering practices (from a cultural perspective): it's called "Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety" by Judith Warner. Now, things are much more hurried/pressured esp. in certain areas than when my two were tots (now almost 9 and 11) but it's the book I wish I'd read when mine were little, or even when I was pg. It really helped me clarify where the pressures to do this or that come from and what I can do about it and how to stay strong in my decisions. I've lived in almost opposite communities -- one where I was ridiculed for bfing and another where formula feeding is tantamount to child abuse. So I've seen that either way, having confidence and belief in yourself and your parenting style is really important.

The advantage of being older is that you're almost definitely more forgiving of yourself than I was as a young mom of 21 and 23 -- at least in my case, this has been my cross to bear (see where the pilates tendencies kick in? :lol: ). Those are the circumstances when "society's" opinions can really get to you and irk you. Ugh! I still remember when this senseless old man was harassing me for having ds2 out when he was 10 days old ... like what was I supposed to do, hole up at home with my thriving newborn for a month with a toddler running around?! But believe it or not, his comments got to me and bugged me for weeks!!! See what I mean about confidence being everything?

One last thing, I promise: I met a single-by-choice, 42-y.o. mom of a newborn on Sun. and she is totally in her element, living her bliss (she is a yoga person :lol: ).

[wildflower]

elsie - I really think that yoga is what will get me through all of this! Get me centered and confident again. I had stopped practicing for a couple weeks, being scared of mc (although I think it was secretly that I was upset I couldn't do my practice as I had been - ALREADY! Who Knew?). I really need to get back to it! Thanks for the book recommendation! I have quite a list now and am not much of a reader. Many of the pg books overwhelm me and aren't building me up to help get me through this. So it's good to know there are books out there that might actually HELP! Makes me want to write my own pregnancy book! Maybe in another few years... :lol:

[RE]

At 31 years of age I found out I was having twins at my very first doctors appt. (I was 8 weeks prego). I was ready in many ways, but not ready in others. I had never even changed a diaper! I was one of the lucky ones, as sleep deprived as I was I never once regretted having my twins - most people think it is hard work but I guess if you never know any different you think how much easier it is to have "just" one at a time. Anyway, to answer your concerns here's a wonderful story...an oldie but a goodie:

BEING A MOM
We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that
she and her husband are thinking of starting a family.
"We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"
"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. "I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."
But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know that what she will never learn in childbirth classes, I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.
I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?", that every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.
I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moments hesitation.
I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for child-care, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.
I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma.
That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.
However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.
Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.
I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.
My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, and not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic. I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.
My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my
eyes.
"You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.

[NaturalYogaDiva]

This thread really helped me too... Wild thank you for having the courage to ask/write about this.