Performance Anxiety

[karidpt]

Any ideas on how to solve this? My husband completely got stage fright when I informed him that I was ovulating and we needed to DTD. He feels horrible about it and doesn't understand why he can't perform. He wants to TTC, but just feels the pressure. What can I do to help????

[debraanne6]

Hi Kari! I'm sorry to hear about DH. Can you do anything special that he really likes to get him in the mood? Lingerie ( Is that how you spell it??), or other "acts" that are out of the norm??? Or maybe just start by giving him a back rub to get him super relaxed?

[karidpt]

I could...but he knows that it's O time, so he'll know what I am doing and I feel like he'll get the anxiety again. We have already tried 4 times now and each time he has no problem starting, just finishing. I don't want him to get annoyed with me and think that I am using him for his sperm..... I feel like I just need to wait for him to make a move, but want to support him and do whatever I can to help him get over this slump ASAP so that there is still a chance this cycle. I am betting it is a lost cause at this point. But either way I want him to stop feeling so down on himself! Poor guy...he wears his heart on his sleeve and it breaks my heart to see him so upset with himself!

[silverlining]

Maybe for future cycles try not to let him know where you are in your cycle. But you'll also have to initiate sex throughout the month so that he won't suspect anything when you start all of a sudden pawing at him...

I wish I had suggestions for how to help him finish- but it definitely sounds like a mental block.

[karidpt]

Definitely a mental block. He knows that my window closed and now he still can't finish because he is so worried about not finishing like the times during the fertile window!

I ABSOLUTELY will not tell him again and I will be like a ninja in hiding the OPKs when I take them, lol. But honestly, I am scared he won't get out of the mental block!

[sweetsunshine72]

Can I make a suggestion?

While OPK's will let you know when O is approaching, if your cycle is even some-what regular, you really need to be getting the sperm in there ahead of time. Sperm will last about 5 days, while the egg only lasts about 24 hours. So, if you make a practice of "enjoying each other" every 2 - 3 days or so after your period ends, until after O happens, then you're set. Even if you DTD every 5 days, with higher frequency when you're close to O, it should be fine.

Of course, you will need to get him to relax about it in the first place.

It sounds like you have gone through the "planned baby-dancing" before. What's different about it this time? Could he be having some fears/anxieties about your loss? Losses tend not to affect men the same way, but it can still happen, especially if he is afraid of "causing" the same kind of hurt he saw you go through once before. It's worth talking to him about.

You may need to take a break for a cycle or two to get him to relax and break out of this mental block. It may not be your favourite solution, but if you're not able to take advantage of the cycle anyways, it may be necessary.

Take care, I hope everything works itself out, and you are blessed with a happy, healthy bundle of joy!

TONS of baby-dust to whoever wants it!!! :)

[darlagonzalez63]

My Husband seems to have this problem as well...and we aren't actively trying trying but sometimes when I try he seems to get anxious and has a problem. he too feels awful...what I started doing is trying to get my groove in the middle of the night like...a happy waking for him and he loves it...and actually sperm qualitity (from what I read is best around3-4 am) idkwhy...idk if this will help you guys cause idk your work habits but it seemed to help us...Best wishes and good luck!! heheh I am kinda blushing! lol