How long will you wait before trying for #2?

[nut]

I just came back from my 6 wk post-pardom check up. I know it's early to be thinking about this, but the topic came up. I will be 33 in January, and I'd like to be able to have a 2nd child before 35 if possible. It took me 2.5 yrs to get pregnant w/ Joseph. At the same time, I'm really not ready to be pregnant again right now - I was definitely overwhelmed by motherhood for these first almost 7 weeks. The doctor said that it's best to have deliveries about 2 yrs. apart, which means he wouldn't recommend my getting pregnant for at least a year. But, it could take 2 yrs just to get pregnant....anyway, just curious what your thoughts are. I am not going on birth control, so if it happens, it happens (of course, not much time or inspiration for doing the BD right now anyway)....I had an easy pregnancy and a fairly typical labor/delivery, so my body is in decent shape. I still have about 5 lbs to lose, but I'm breastfeeding too.

What are you guys doing?

[tpo]

well..... i was planning on waiting a year or 9 mos at least before trying.. but i was going to start using birth control soon...i kept promising myself... my baby is almost 3 months...and i'm only breastfeeding.. and i ovulated on sunday night...dtd on saturday..... big fat ooops :oops: ... so i'm waiting to see if i'm preggo. i still can't believe that i already ovulated when it took 2 1/2 years for me to get preggo with tyler..

so... if you really don't want kids 11 months apart, you might want to consider using something because you really can ovulate even if you are breastfeeding!!!

:o

just my two cents....

tiera

[esarah]

nut- I didn't take bcp after I had my dd. I was pregnant again when she was about 4 months old but miscarried. I was breastfeeding with no supplementing at that time. I decided not to be on bcp after that even though they would have been really close in age. I had period that lasted a month a few months later and was on bcp to regulate my cycle for a few months. I got pregnant in April of this year (when Leata was 10 months old) and in May (when she was 11 months old) both ended in miscarriage. I figured it would take a while and that is why I started so early. I figured I would have to go through some miscarriages to convince the doctors that I needed to be on blood thinners again while I am pregnant and sadly it took 3 miscarriages to convince them that I am most likely right.

Anyway, Leata is now 17.5 months and I am not pregnant again yet. (I could be but not that I know of yet.) I am hoping it happens again soon but I am so glad hat I started early. I have known so many people who are breastfeeding their child and not feeding them anything else and have an surprise pregnancy. Even a few with PCOS.

[kirsten]

Pregnancy and L&D were really hard on my body. I'm still not 100% back and my son is nine months old. I am 36 years old, so it would be very easy for me to worry about age and put a lot of pressure on myself. Im just not into that. Yes, I'd like at least one more child, but I'm not going to put myself through all that again so soon after just because I'm "old." If by the time I'm ready again I missed my window of opportunity, so be it. This one baby is more than I could ever have hoped for.

[Holly]

This is a hot topic in my household.

DH wants our kids to be close together in age, his reasoning being that when we retire, he's hoping all our kids will be gone to college, rather than still having teens that live in the house. He's a future-thinker.

I, on the other hand, don't look that far ahead...My priority is to not have a newborn in the house before Ruby is old enough to at least spend part of her day in a preschool-type setting, around age 3-4. I just can't imagine dealing with a newborn and a toddler all day. Also, my 3rd trimester was sooooooo uncomfortable, that I am not psyched on being PG any time in the near future.

But, then there's the issue of "how long will it take to get PG?", and who knows??!! I have a feeling that if we think it'll take awhile and start early, then we'll get PG right away, before we really want to be. And if we think it'll happen quicker this time and wait on it, it'll be another eternity TTC...
So, if you can't tell...this question drives me NUTS!! :roll: I try to avoid thinking about it all together 8)

[kirsten]

Oops - I'm 37, not 36!!!!
Scary - not only am I old, but I can't even remember how old!!!

[amy j.]

MY daughter is 14 months and my husband and I are in the same boat wondering wether we should wait or not. My problem is that instead of having no periods I have very long (3-4 months at a time) and heavy periods so I pretty much have to be on some sort of birth control constantly otherwise I will just bleed. Right now its mirena IUD and if I have it taken out to start trying I will start t bleed again. Honestly I would like to try again within this next year but it is so frustrating I'm not really sure what to do. :(

[Leslie]

Oh how I've asked myself this question SO many times Nut. Of course as you know I'm older than you by a few years. I'm now 36 1/2.

My OB/GYN told me if I wanted another I should probably start trying when Arianna was 6 months old. Honestly there was NO way I was going to start trying them. Shortly after that a study came out that said pregnancies should be at least 18 months apart but no longer than 5 years in order for the pregnancy and baby to be the healthiest.

Back in April I went to see Dr. Y when he was back in WV (he sees patients in WV once a month in Beckley), because I couldn't find anyone here to treat my PCOS if I wasn't TTC. When we talked about my having another baby he said he DID NOT want me to get pregnant for at least a 12 months after having Arianna. He also told me that 18 months was the best but given my history he would say 12 months. That made me feel much better (took some pressure off of me feeling like I had to start trying immediately).

At this point I don't know if I want another. I've had this discussion on the Mom's thread. I have several reasons. One I have so much guilt over working, I just cannot imagine having to spread my non-working time between two little one. Two I love Arianna so much, again I can't imagine having to share my time with her with another child. Three I have a TERRIFIC baby. I'm afraid I would have a holy terror if I had another. Four I wonder if I would have as much love for a second child.

That's just some of the things I think about. Just to clarify though I don't think there is anything wrong with someone who works having more than one child. I'm just not sure it's for me. At this point I'm POSITIVE it's not for me right now. Yes given my age I might be giving up the opportunity for another, but if I never have another child I will always feels so blessed to have the one miracle that God gave me. I never could have imagined how hard being a mom would be, but now I can't imagine never having been a mom. It is ABSOLUTELY the best job in the world!

Good luck in whatever decision you make.

[texasred1]

We have toyed around with this idea, but never really had a serious conversation about it. I am currently 37, w/pcos, need to lose about 50 pounds - those are the things that stack up against me. I would like to have my kids at least 3 years apart. Right now those are my only thoughts. I'm still trying to figure out #1 and enjoying him to the fullest!

[Bella923]

I will be 32 a week from today and DH and I have talked about this topic several times. We want our kids close in age and so we have decided to start trying right after Gabriella's first birthday! And in the mean time we are not using birth control, so there you have it.

[nut]

Bella - I'm kind of following in your footsteps. We're not using any birth control, but not planning on actively TTC until Joe is 1, I think. (I'm breastfeeding anyway, and I rarely have ever gotten many AFs on my own, so unlikely there would be any surprises). Although, DH mentioned trying once he turns 6 months, but I don't know....that seems a little early to me....

[tracy]

This is such a tough topic. Wouldn't it be nice to say, I'll get pregnant in March and you really do? I have so many friends that plan like that -- I'm very jealous :roll:

Given our unknowns, I still worry that I'd get pregnant now without any protection. I often think it'd be nice to have my kids close together, but then times like last week when Matt was throwing up every few hours, I thought -- Oh, thank goodness we don't have any more children right now or that I'm not pregnant. So, then I want more years in between for my own sanity.

What a roller coaster :D I think the important thing to remember is that no two situations are alike, so try to talk it over LOTS and make whatever decision is right for your family, your finances, your body, etc.

[mara232]

I agree with Tracy - what works for someone may not be good for you or your family. Do what feels right.

I will be ready to start TTC in March/April. heck, we don't even BD like we used to si I am not worried about getting PG.

I will be 34 in a couple of weeks. And it took us 5 years for Anthony.

[kljoyce]

I just had to chime in here. My kids are almost 18 months apart and I would have not planned to have them so close but now I am SOOOO glad that they are. It took me almost 5 years of ttc to have my daughter and then,SURPRISE, I was pregnant again when she was 9 months old. I was breastfeeding too and AF had just returned 2 monthes before. Anyway, It was really hard when they were both so little and at different stages but they are SO close now that I love it. Not that they don't ever fight, they do, but they also have a constant playmate around. My DD who is the oldest actually uses her little brother has security when we are anywhere in public (she is extremely shy).
Then of course we have our second surprise 5 years later! During those 5 years of ttcing you would have never convinced me that I would have 2 surprise pregnancies! I give my Metformin all the credit!

[tricia]

I'm kind of with Kristi...but I went back to the RE when #1 was 8 months old. #2 came with just 5 months of TTC, shortest ever...but #2 took more aggressive drugs and IUI. My only surprise was m/c'd...so I personally am anti-surprise pregnancies now.
I am a military wife and honestly don't know how I would have felt about TTC so soon if I KNEW I could go back to my RE anytime. This was my 4th RE through moves and my favorite (still is my favorite out of 10 now)...I knew I wanted at least one more and knew a move would be in less than 2 years. After having my first two 21 1/2 months apart it spoiled me and I actually fell into a great depression on my kids spacing when I lost (m/c) #3 which would have been a 2 1/2 yr gap between #2 and #3...instead #4 came 3 1/2 yrs after. Now again, I've had my longest TTC road and this last baby is coming with just over a 3 1/2 yr gap.
We all have our own story and what we liked or what worked for us. Pray...God knows the perfect plan for you and your family.
Having them close is hard at times...but the rewards of their bond is priceless. Having another kid anytime IS hard.

[kelli3384]

I want Gavin to be at least three when we have another. So, I think we may start trying when he is about 2 1/2 if it seems like a good idea at the time. I dont want them to be too far apart but I want Gavin to have the chance to be the baby. Also, ttc is so stressful and I dont want to go through that again any time soon. It makes me so depressed and I think Gavin needs 100% of my attention right now.

[tpo]

af came this morning!!! so now, i'm not pregnant, i'll say that we want to wait until ty is about 10 mos or so.. i would like them close.... and i also want 3, and don't want to have them too much later in life. (i'm 32)

anyway.... now i have to think about what kind of bc we want to use. i really wasn't planning on having to deal with it for a long time since i'm breastfeeding....

[want2bemama]

Nut..I would like a second one but am not thinking too much abt it...if it happens ,great..or else I am happy with my lil man!!
I also had an easy pregnancy and have come back to my pre pregnancy weight without exercise or dieting. So , I dont have to worry abt that aspect of pregnancy.
Its jus that..I have so many plans regarding my career which I have put on hold for the last 2.5 yrs and I know I will be content only if I first do something abt it before I think of another baby.
Regarding birth control, the doc has precribed a progesterone only pill which can be used while BFing.I havent started on it yet cuz we r not Bding for now(no mood for it!!) but i think I am testing Dh's patience too much and will have to start soon!!

[proud2Bamommy]

I know I haven't been on here in like forever but it's hard with a hold me baby, anyway... I wanted to comment on this section. DH and I are totally ready for #2. We haven't been using BC at all and I really hope we can concieve naturally. I loved being PG! I actually really miss it! Now I'm not going to go on meds/fert treatments or anything for a while though. I wanted to go to schooling for nursing so if I'm not pg by Jan of 08 (when the school starts) then I will go to school. And then actively try after I finish the schooling. I hope it happens before then though! I love Dylan and am totally ready to give him a sibling!

[lohughes]

DH and I have had this conversation a lot since our son was born in August. We both would really like another fairly soon. I am the youngest of 4 and there's such a HUGE gap between my oldest sister and me - literally a generation. I want Liam to have a sibling to hang with--and I really want to have the kiddoes while I am still in this infant phase before I forget the sleepiness that accompanies it!

[Leanna]

Jack's almost nine months and we are trying for #3 already. We were going for the 2-3 year gap between kids after Bonnie, but my PCOS turned that into 4.5 years and I thought that was a hard gap. We were so used to have a big kid and it was hard going back to a baby. I've been having regular periods since Jack's birth and I don't know how long that will last, so I'm trying to take advantage of that too. I'm still nursing and Jack is pretty attached to the boob, so I'll probably tandem nurse if I get pregnant again soon. :) We went to visit some friends with their newborn this weekend and I just can't believe how much I want another little one right now!

I know this probably sounds morbid, but I also want to know that my kids will be able to have each other to share the burden/worry about DH and me when we are older. I'm not talking about financially but emotionally. I am going through it right now with my parents, and as much as other family members and friends support me right now, no one else understands like my siblings do.

[Terra]

DH and I have been talking about this too. I want a bunch of kids....like maybe 4. I also want them fairly close in age. Even if I got pregnant tonight, Piper would be exactly 2 years older. She will be 14 months on Friday and she is so grown. It's like I can't even do anything for her anymore. I mean she's still totally dependent on me, but you couldn't tell her that. So with us, the baby stage is completely over and I miss it. I love going to work and into the baby room just to cuddle some of the teeny tiny ones :lol: We are moving in May, so sometime around then we will start ttc again. We were thinking around my next bday in April, but more than likely we will want to move and get settled 1st. I go back to my OB next month for my exam and will talk more about this with her. I had a very rough delivery and we need to make sure my uterus is completely healed before we give it a go. So by the springtime, Piper will be 18 months, so that sounds like good timing for me. I would love it if it happened sooner, but I'm on bcp so chances are slim.

[MonicaPC]

Hi all.....New mommy here.... I know its quite early for these thoughts but, we are gonna start trying when shes about 9 months. I know shes only a week old but thats the plan!

[mgulya]

Hello - I am just lurking from the prego board...and I found this topic to be very interesting. Is there any IVF girls out there with some frozen babies left? I got pregnant on my first IVF try with twins, which is great I couldn't be happier but....now I have 6 frozen babies left (1-A, 1-B and 4-Cs) I can't help but keep thinking about what is going to become of them. I am curious to know if I could get pregant on my own but I feel I have an obligaiton to these frozen babies. Any IVF ladies in my situation? I am thinking I will just go on BCP and then do a FET when I am ready again (who knows, maybe I will have these 2 and that will be enough!)

Melissa