View Full Version : Rants
05-15-2011, 06:20 PM
Kari---sheesh! What a way to kill the baby making mood!! Sorry about that, I agree it is insensitive. Like you said, he could've meant it differently than it sounded. I don't think he was blaming you for the asherman's. He sounds like my DH, always bringing up the costs of things, especially medical stuff and how much I spend. I asked him what he thought about this and he did think it was insensitive the way it was said. But he did bring up a good point--why haven't you been on vacation, even before the asherman's?? Anyway I would be mad too but I like to resolve things quickly and I don't think I would give up a chance to conceive, unless you are totally fine waiting another month. I would really try to get him to understand how that was hurtful.
05-15-2011, 07:34 PM
Kari- I'm so sorry your DH was so insensitive. I would have been pissed too...
Anya- yeah his hobby sounds a bit much. Maybe you can talk to him about it. Especially the sunday thing. I love having my DH on the weekends to help out and so we can spend time together.
I'm rant free at the moment but I'm sure something will happen soon to bring me back here... ;)
05-15-2011, 09:40 PM
What is with these husbands of ours?!?!
Kari, I'm so sorry he said that to you. That would have totally hurt my feelings too. I think a big apology is in order. I don't blame you on not wanting to BD either!!
Anya, Have you told him that it's too much for him to be gone? Maybe he's clueless and doesn't even think it's a problem. I have come to find that they don't take hints or just know things aren't ok like we do. Maybe you can work out some sort of schedule to where each of you gets some alone time.
Jess, your MIL needs to stop being a brat! It sounds like she's super selfish. She needs to realize that her doing that is only going to make her see Camden less and not more!
05-16-2011, 02:11 AM
Don't have much time, but just wanted to pop in and say::
Anya, your DH needs a wakeup call! Not only is he no longer single, but he's MARRIED plus TWO KIDS! It's bad enough if he were leaving you alone during the weekend, but leaving you alone to take care of your two kids, after you do it ll week long, too, is just downright selfish. I would throw a major hissy-fit. :-) But then, I'm not in the best spot myself right now, so maybe my hissy-fit strategy isn't what it's cracked up to be!
05-16-2011, 07:28 AM
Kari---sheesh! What a way to kill the baby making mood!! Sorry about that, I agree it is insensitive. Like you said, he could've meant it differently than it sounded. I don't think he was blaming you for the asherman's. He sounds like my DH, always bringing up the costs of things, especially medical stuff and how much I spend. I asked him what he thought about this and he did think it was insensitive the way it was said. But he did bring up a good point--why haven't you been on vacation, even before the asherman's?? Anyway I would be mad too but I like to resolve things quickly and I don't think I would give up a chance to conceive, unless you are totally fine waiting another month. I would really try to get him to understand how that was hurtful.
REgarding no vacation: Well, I was in grad school and couldn't afford it. Then our wedding was during golf season and DH had to take a week off to go to NC for all the wedding events, so couldn't take another week for the honeymoon. We can only go on vacation in the winter because DH works 6 days a week in spring, summer, and fall, then the one day he has off - he plays in tournaments. We planned to do a honeymoon the next winter after the wedding because I would be done with school, but then I got pregnant and we had a baby in the winter so that was out. So the next winter was this winter and I had the miscarriage and Asherman's. So just one thing after another.
We did talk and he understand how he hurt me and of course he explained that he didn't mean it that way. He gets really stressed over money and he is the one that does the finances.....I understand that, but he needs to put his filter on and he knows that now. We made up last night and even tried to have make-up BD, but he got performance anxiety....so no go.
05-16-2011, 10:19 PM
Kari- He was just being and idiot. I'm sure he didn't mean it. I asked my DH to grab my prenatals one night since I was lazy to go downstairs and he hands them to me and says "trust you to make the easiest thing in the world (having a baby) complicated..." I felt like someone punched me in the stomach and instantly started crying (I'm usually quiet tough). It just pushed me over the edge. He kept apologizing and said he was trying to be funny and thought I'd laugh...WTF! As long as u are covering ur everyday bills I'm sure you'll be able to take a dream vacation soon :) You seems like a very hardworking person!
05-16-2011, 10:40 PM
Kari--he golfs for a living? Sounds fun for a job I guess. Lol. I would suck at that. I see, you haven't really been married that long. Do you have a written budget? That has helped me and DH a lot. We read Dave Ramsey's makeover book and try to follow that. Glad you two made up!! Not good to go to bed angry.
05-17-2011, 07:54 AM
My week in review!!
Things started out good. Then my car battery died. DH jumped it Sunday night- but Monday morning it was dead again. My dad spent mon am asking me if i had plans for the day- which i did not. I'm guessing he asked my mom and got the same answer from her bc come 330 when i asked what time my sis's awards banquet was he completely blew up. (thank goodness the girls were napping at the time...) I had asked them to ride together so that we could use the spare car to go get a battery. That question was forgotten about in the explosion. 6:10- they're leaving and my dad is shocked that we're not going too... Sorry I have two little girls with med times and bedtimes. Tuesday- I couldn't go to the final MOPS meeting or to Mollie's audiology appt or the grocery store or anywhere else that I had planned to go- dh can't get the battery out bc we don't have the right size socket wrench. Wed night- dh goes to get a new battery after work. Gives me life again! Thursday- did party prep, went to the greenhouse/nursery with my mom. Friday- party prep in am, Aundra's birthday party, Cork's grad at 7:30pm. Saturday Cork's grad party 6-9pm. We spent the afternoon decorating and came home so the girls could sleep for an hr or so. Mom, sis, DH at Am Legion finishing stuff, Big Bro, Sil, girls went to Omaha and skipped all the decorating/prep. my dad and lil bro stayed and watched tv all afternoon. 5:30, lilttle bro leaves. 5:35 dad emerges from basement in shorts and shirt. me- "I'm leaving in 5mins- if you want a ride to the legion you better get ready" dad- "what time's the party" me- 6. dad- "i didn't think it was til 7:30...." GRRR!!
At the party my niece peed all over Mollie's blanket. This girl is so not fully potty trained yet despite what they want to believe. She had so many accidents. She may be potty trained at home- but not away from home.
Overall it wasn't horrid (other than Tuesday) but it was busy. So glad to have my house back.
05-17-2011, 07:58 PM
Pam, Now I understand why you were worried about your dad coming! I'm glad things are back to normal now!
I am so irritated at DH right now!! I have a dentist appointment tomorrow for a filling and they called to see if I could come a little earlier. I ask him, what's the earliest you could be home tomorrow? He says 4-4:30. Uh my original appt was at 4:00. Then he says oh crap I forgot. I scheduled it on that day because he said he had something to do today. Come to find out he put off what he was going to do today so that's why he can't tomorrow! Ugh!!! AND it was because he didn't study for the test at all, even though he had yesterday off. I swear I could punch him in the face right now!
05-20-2011, 02:01 AM
Flutter = Thanks for the kind words. Its a really rough time. I know that its not the end of the world and losing the house is actually for the best. It would be a good 10 years before we could break even. We've already out grown the house. Just sucks.
RE: CIO = We kind of do a modified CIO. We know their cries and we don't go in unless its the cry they can't soothe themselves.
Jessica = your MIL sounds like a spoiled 8 year old. If she was mind I wouldn't let her hold my LO until she could act like a respectful adult. I would also take the baby from her and return him to the person she took him from if she is going to be like that. Shame on her. I am all for telling people they are acting like spoiled kids and treating them as such. I am sure she will get the hint when you take Camden away and explain that grown ups don't behave that way and until she can be respectful of others and their time with Camden, she doesn't get to hold him.
Tink = OMG shame on your IL's. I don't know what is up with family thinking they are above common courtesy. Just because you are related in some way doesn't mean that they get to just do whatever they feel like and you have to go along with it. My MIL had a bad habit of just showing up unannounced. I don't answer my door unless I am expecting someone. I don't even go and look to see who it is. LOL my MIL calls now.
Ok, my vent time. This is a vent about my own clumsy self. UGH!!!! I can't believe I feel down my stairs last week. Yes this happened a week ago. Yes I am venting about it again this week. Why??? Because my tailbone hurts SOOOOO BAD. Still!!! I ended up going to urgent care Monday morning because it hurt worse 7 days after I fell than when I originally injured myself. Turns out I really did break my tailbone. So my coccyx I guess is now bent like 90 degrees pointing inside my body instead of down. There is nothing they can do about it. Apparently this is just going to hurt like crazy until it heals, which apparently takes a while. They said its going to hurt a lot for weeks, maybe even months. Suck, royal suck. They gave me prescriptions for a bunch of pain pills and muscle relaxers and told me to take them and ibuprofen. I had to get an inflatable donut to sit on. My coworkers are going to tease me mercilessly for that one. They also told me to avoid the things that make it hurt worse, you know, like sitting :p Blarg!! I need to learn to walk. I swear I am so incredibly clumsy. I think its safer if I just get a new home with no stairs.
Ok, time to go ice my rear end and inflate my donut :rolleyes: Enjoy your night ladies, and watch your steps!
05-20-2011, 07:26 AM
Kari--he golfs for a living? Sounds fun for a job I guess. Lol. I would suck at that. I see, you haven't really been married that long. Do you have a written budget? That has helped me and DH a lot. We read Dave Ramsey's makeover book and try to follow that. Glad you two made up!! Not good to go to bed angry.
Yeah. We have been married about 3 years. We have a budget and all that. We just have completely differently financial personalities. He wants to save it all in case we go into a depression or something....whereas I am responsible, but still want to live my life now and enjoy things now....not when I'm 80. My approach is to of course pay all our bills, put moneyinto my retirement, but money away from DDs college, and of course pay off any bad debt.....but to also go do fun things together and as a family, to keep my sanity!!! He wants to hoard it all!
He golfs in tournaments on mondays, but mostly is an instructor and runs tournaments and leagues etc. He was a biochem major going to pharmacy school, but he was a great golfer and his grandpa was going to buy a corse and DH was going to run it....so he didn't go to pharmacy school and did the PGA program. then his grandpa didn't buy the course, lol. But DH LOVES his job, which I like because there is nothing worse than hearing someone hate their job when they spend half of their awake time at it....eats away at you.
Now if I could just find him. Head professional job at a course in NC....then I could move back home!
05-20-2011, 07:44 AM
Pjs, hope this week is better for you! What a mess!
Meg, ouch! Yeah, can't do anything about the coccyx. Just pain meds and donut, but definitely use it because you want that sucker to heal! Hope it does soon!
Chealsea, don't you love it when they think they are the only ones with lives?! Geesh.
My DH is still on thin ice....my entire work is going on the ferry to the islands... I am not going bc my sisters are coming up. Then they tell me they may not come bc my sisters surgery might get moved up...so I say that I may go if they don't come. Then he basically gets mad and says that "so I have to stay at home with DD while you booze it up."
First, I was going to continue my sentence and ask him to come too and see if his mom would
watch DD, but definitely not now after that comment. Second, I never "booze it up"....might have couple or few drinks, but don't get all crazy. Third, I have been out like twice since I was pregnant with DD 3years ago, so you would think he would say something like "that sounds fun. Have a good time with your co-workers. You need to get out and have some fun"....nope he is selfish. He didn't think about me, he just thought about how it would affect him. Which he does all the time. If I complain about a bad day....I get no empathy or words of encouragement. I get "my day was worse." always goes back to him. He is what I call a "one upper"....no matter how bad it is for you, its worse for him. Always has one up on you. So we discussed this and have been all week. He has gotten better. Didn't even realize he was doing it, guess that is why its good to communicate.
05-20-2011, 08:08 AM
Kari-Men are clueless to things sometimes. We expect them to know exactly how we are feeling and they are not built to do that. It's frustrating b/c it's hard to just come out and tell them exactly what we need to/want to and for them to understand. They are off in their own little world's.
05-20-2011, 12:40 PM
Yeah. We have been married about 3 years. We have a budget and all that. We just have completely differently financial personalities. He wants to save it all in case we go into a depression or something....whereas I am responsible, but still want to live my life now and enjoy things now....not when I'm 80.
I agree with you! If you have extra money and want to go on vacation with it or buy the newest piece of technology out there - do it! My dad passed away a few years ago at age 47 and my mom is just now 50. My parents never spent their money, they saved it, thinking that after they retire they can share it together. Now my mom is all alone and no one to share it with. So she tells DH and me now to spend our money and do what we want now because tomorrow is not guaranteed!
05-23-2011, 04:52 PM
Ughhh...I am beyond frustrated at this point. I've tried to hold it all together and just can't anymore. Well it's not that I can't, I just don't feel like it's worth it.
I'm in grad school....it's not easy and I wish I would've never started down this road but it is what it is. I needed classes to renew my teaching license. I've got those classes I can renew it..but I don't want to stop my Master's at this point. Anyways I have less than 45 days left in this term and a heck of a lot of work to get done. No one bothers to support me in it anymore. The kids Nana (like second parents to DH and I) said she take the kids a couple days last week. We finally agreed on Thursday. Well guess what?! Thurs came around and no calls/text/etc. She didn't take them. She has said she'll take them before and will show up 1-2 hrs later than what we plan on and I have to get them 1-2 hrs later. I'm done. Why do I waste time and energy into relationships that screw me in the end?!?!?! I needed that time to do schoolwork. I have TWO weeks to get through a College Geometry course and take an exam and pass it and do four other tasks. It's going to take a lot of time.
Then we have DH. He drives me INSANE! We work through our issues all the time but lately it's like we work through them and then they fire back up a week or so later. They never completely get resolved. Then the other day he says that if he has a decent enough motorcycle to get to NC (800 miles each way) that he would like to go in August to see his family for his Mom's side of the family reunion. There's no way I'm letting him go to NC by himself on a motorcycle! I worry enough about him driving to/from work. So I am trying to plan the trip for all of us to go. But that'll cost $700-$800 by the time we rent a vehicle (no way our car will make it), get a hotel room (we could cut that cost and stay w/ family but I'm not sure i want to live w/ out ac for a couple nights, it's miserable with kids that way!), and gas, food etc. His family always gives us money (well at least his great aunt and grandparents) so we'll get probably $200 from them. But still...$600 for a trip to see his family?!?! I don't want to spend that for that kind of trip. They haven't made ANY effort to come to FL since 2007 (before I was even preggo w/ Jayna!)....they say they can't afford it...well we really can't either! I just wish I wasn't so nice sometimes and could say NO! But then I hear from DH how he really wants to see his family and Jayna says she wants to go see her Grandma and Papaw. Well she probably has NO clue who they are but it still breaks my heart. Even though I can't stand my in-laws, they will be family to my kids and I want my kids to have a relationship with them.
I'm just done with crappy relationships all around....
Sorry to rant...I just needed somewhere to get this off my shoulders as it's really been bothering me.
05-23-2011, 06:52 PM
Kelly--sorry, that sounds really stressful! Why would the rental car be so expensive? Have you looked on hotline.com? They usually have good deals and it's best to rent for 7 days I believe. You can mostly eat at your in-laws, right?
Kari--DH is young...remember they are not as mature as we are...Haha. my DH wouldn't be too excited about me going on a trip with my co-workers either, not that I would go with them anyway, lol. Maybe you are closer to yours, I don't know. I like mine but they are all much older than me. anyway, it sounds like you definitely need to point out DH's sillyness but in the nicest way possible.
05-23-2011, 07:26 PM
Rental car would only be around $200 (might be a bit lower..I book and then watch prices). I can rent through Costco's website and get an additional driver added on for free. And yea we will eat at in-laws, but food in the car on the way up and back we'd have to figure out. DH told me tonight he doesn't want to spend 700 on the trip...he doesn't even want to spend 300...LOL!
05-26-2011, 06:12 PM
peak- i'd tell dh that if he can plan the trip for under $300- you'll do it! :)
quick vent- last night I left an envelope on the table with 2cks for dh to mail today. I told him: sign this check and put a stamp on it and mail it today. today he comes home- envelope in hand and says, I couldn't find a stamp!!! are you KIDDING me? It would have been so nice if he did the following: "I can't find a stamp. Pam says it needs to be mailed, so I'll leave it here along with a note saying I can't find the stamps so that she can make sure it gets mailed today." It needed to be at the bank tomorrow- so now we have to drive 20miles to the bank tomorrow to get them deposited..... GRRR!!
06-09-2011, 05:25 PM
Ugh I have to vent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It seems like the universe hates me right now.
I'm so freaking sick of bleeding all the time it's ridiculous.
I ordered the girls some "matching" (different colors) Ralph Lauren polo style dresses off of Ebay at the beginning of May and bc I needed different sizes I had to use 3 different sellers. Well one of them I didn't receive. I've tried contacting the lady 3 times with no response. I called Ebay today to open a case with their Buyer Protection and because I used Paypal as a guest I have to go through Paypal...I was just on hold with them for 20 minutes and I lost cell phone signal.
I'm sick of Tmobile. My phone is piece of crap...I don't even get a signal inside my house...I have to sit on the porch to make a phone call which usually makes the babies scream. And I can't cancel because we had to get new phones with wifi calling because of the no signal situation, which restarted my 2 year contract on all the lines, and the wifi calling doesn't even freaking work.
And then finally, this photographer is really starting to p#$% me off. It's now been 2 months since their birthday and I have nothing except the guest book she made for the party. She keeps telling me she's mailed stuff but then I never get it. She last emailed me on the 31st saying she was going out of town and is having everything she had made shipped directly to me and she said that she went to the post office that morning to mail the CD. She only lives like 45 minutes from me and it usually only takes 1 day for mail to get from Fernandina to where we live. She either has the wrong address or she isn't mailing it at all. Even if she did mail it to our old address for some reason, we have a forward on our mail so we still should have gotten it. I have no trouble getting anything else in the mail. I posted on her facebook today that I still hadn't gotten anything and that I will be more than happy to drive to her house to pick it all up once she gets back from California. I feel like it's a lost hope to even send out thank you cards at this point...the thank you cards she said she mailed weeks ago. When I told her I hadn't gotten those either she said she'd reorder some and have them mailed directly to me and then she said that hopefully I get the first ones too and then I'll have extra for another party...Ummmm the thank you cards have pics from their first birthday on it. I can't exactly reuse those. It's just so frustrating. I'm mostly upset because I didn't take any of my own pictures because we had hired her. I wish I would have just saved my $250, took them to Target for their 1 year pics and then took my own stupid pictures at the party. I'm so scared that I'm not going to get the pictures from their first birthday:( The thought makes me want to cry:( I worked so hard on that stupid party and it was such a big milestone and celebration for them. I'll take her to Judge Judy if I have to!!!! There's got to be some emotional damage claim from all of this lol.
06-09-2011, 06:07 PM
Judy-Wow!!! I can understand the cell phone service..we have MetroPCS and have NO signal in our house either...it stinks! The porch is even hard to get signal on!
As far as the pics go, that sucks!!!!! I can't believe that lady. I would never use her again and I would post that she doesn't do her work like she promises (of course after you get the pics!). Judge Judy ought to be able to do something..LOL!
06-09-2011, 08:46 PM
Judy- I'm so sorry. :( The picture thing is ridiculous. Obviously she's just not mailing you the stuff. UGH. You should totally do something like Judge Judy.
06-09-2011, 08:53 PM
Sunshine--oh man! that lady is a witch if she doesn't give you the pictures!!! how could she do something like that? i wonder if she lost the pictures--sometimes happens with digital stuff these days--and just doesn't want to fess up. i really hope you get your pics!! if you have her address, i would totally go over to her house and demand to know what's up!!! when she's back in town
06-13-2011, 08:25 AM
Judy - So sorry! If you can talk to the photog lady I would verify the address she is using before she "mails" anything else to you... We did have a sort of freak lost piece of mail (took 2 weeks to get somewhere it should have taken 3 days...) But to have it happen repeatedly like that... there is something amiss. I hope you get your pics soon!
06-26-2011, 04:18 PM
Just got scolded by my neighbor....
I was in a hurry to leave bit needed to change, let the dogs out, refill the diaper bag....you all know the words to this song. So I let the dogs out in the yard so I could do all that stuff....they were out maybe 3 minutes and started barking when DH pulled in the driveway. I finished changing then went to let the dogs back on and my neighbor was on the sidewalk and said "can u not hear them inside?" I answered yes. And he threw his hands up and said "wow what a racket."
I mean they were only barking for like 2 minutes. Sometimes I might have a crying child, or be changing, or taking a crap..... Geez. I can't do it all and please everyone!
06-26-2011, 04:27 PM
kari - Love the taking a crap part, lol! Just let it roll off your back, neighbors can be PITAs!!!
I have a MIL rant - go figure! Next weekend is Camden's 1st birthday party and when I asked her what she was bringing (food wise) she said baked beans, then I had to tell her that my mom is bringing them and had planned on bringing them all along. Then of course she got upset and said a veggie tray when I needed her to bring the fruit salad....this woman drives me insane! My mom and sister are bringing so much food and making all the cupcakes/cake and decorations and all my MIL puts into the party is a stinkin' veggie tray!?!?!
06-27-2011, 12:25 PM
Kari - Next time I might say, "Sorry, I was taking a crap!" Right to his face... that should knock him back a bit... :D And if the dogs were barking 'cause your DH got home... why didn't he let them in?
Jess - Just a recommendation... next time don't ask her what she's bringing... ask her to bring what you need her to bring. I tend to bring what's easy too... lazy people do that! :D Heck, call her back and ask her now!
06-27-2011, 12:51 PM
Sku, I wish I would have said that! Took me by surprise...I was stumped! DH was still sitting in the car on a business call....
Jess, I would call and tell her hat you need her to bring the other stuff instead of the veggie tray.
06-28-2011, 01:44 AM
Jess, I agree with the others: Call her up and say, "Oh, you know what, thanks a lot for offering to bring a veggie tray, but it would be a lot better if you could bring ______, instead. Do you mind?" That way, you come off as appreciative and polite and you pass the ball to her. If she refuses to bring what you ask, she's being a jerk. At least, that's what I think. BTW - maybe she deliberately offered to bring a veggie tray (yes, ugh!!) because she was pissed over the baked beans thing and wanted to stick it to you?
And just to be devil's advocate for a sec, here: if your mom is bringing so much, is it really that big a deal if your MIL brings the bakes beans? Maybe she has a recipe that she really likes? Or do you think she's doing it just to be argumentative?
I'm so disappointed!
So a friend of mine owns a condo at the beach. She travels for work 10 months out of the year, so she rents it out when she's not there. She had mentioned a few months ago that if we ever wanted it to let her know and she'd arrange for it to show as "booked" on her rental site. All we would have to pay for is the cleaning. (I am familiar w/ this set up bc my parents have a place in FL that we can go to and all it costs us is $75 for the cleaning after we leave).
Anyway, we asked her for it next weekend. I looked at her rental site to find an open weekend and only 2 weeks are booked for the entire summer. She finally got back to me today and said she marked it as booked for next weekend and that she would "only" charge me $350 for the weekend.
So now I feel like I could puke. I was looking forward to having a family get away for next to nothing, and now we'd have to fork over the $350. It wouldn't be that bad, but at the end of July I am traveling with the kids for almost 2 weeks and need to pay hotel and rental home fees there too. I think it's too much for one month.
I haven't heard back form dh yet....my stomach is feeling so sick about it :( Can you believe I live less then 3hrs from the beaches and Owen has NEVER stepped foot in the sand? I was looking forward to taking him :(
06-29-2011, 06:58 PM
tink- i'm so sorry hun! Sounds like it would have been ideal... i can't believe it was *only* 350... wow. we have our fair share of travel expenses too this summer- and *only* 350 is way too much! you could get a nice hotel for a lot less than that for a wknd!
06-29-2011, 08:19 PM
I agree! I would think you could find something else and maybe just stay a night for way less than $350! I would just tell her something came up and it isn't going to work out and do your own little trip. That stinks Tink :( We're going to the beach in September and it's $900 for 7 nights for an entire house! 4 bedrooms and 3 full baths! And you're right, I've never seen cleaning fees for more than $100 so she's clearly charging your more than just cleaning fees. If you don't want to lie, just tell her the truth that $350 might be a good deal, but it's more than you were expecting to pay so you can't swing it. Tell her you've already found places for cheaper.
Thanks girls. Yeah, it's so ridiculous and I'm so bummed. I looked into area hotels last night and it turns out we actually couldn't get a decent hotel in the area for that price. :(
BUT...dh and I got to talking about it and have decided to nix my friends condo (obviously) and we may instead take a road trip later in the summer or right after labor day down to my parents place in FL. I have an aunt & uncle who live in NC, so we could break up the trip and stay overnight with them and then continue onto my parents condo that they rent out. We will only have to pay $55 to stay at my parents place. We can do beaches down there along with maybe some other attractions (I don't think we'll do disney yet).
So, maybe this is working out for the better anyway :)
06-30-2011, 03:38 PM
Tink-That completely stinks!! So where is this condo in FL?!?!?! I'm right there with you on the fact that we live less than 2 hours from beaches and haven't taken the kids!! We took them to a beach two years ago when Jayna was 20 mos and Jace was 5 mos!
Alright..I'm ready to cry at this moment! I was in my bathroom and Jayna came in and I have a ton of natural light that comes through a window...well I saw something in her hair and asked her to come to me. It was a nice lice egg!! I'm LIVID at this point!!! She had them last year and it is a lot of $$$$ and time. I hate making my 3.5 yr old sit in a chair for hours so I can pick the darn things out!!! I wasn't frustrated when I first found them b/c I've been through this, thought I could do it again. But now I have to wash ALL bedding, bag all animals, and spray everything else. DH doesn't get home from work til 6 and I started babysitting my nephew yesterday and my sister doesn't get here til 6 either.
I cut Jace's hair really short this afternoon. Just waiting on scissors to cut Jayna's. It's long and THICK! So it's going to be impossible to get all of them out w/ out cutting it and can't take her anywhere b/c of the lice. I'm sure it'll turn out horrible and I'll have to take her somewhere, but need a quick fix for right now. The lice combs don't work in her hair either, so I have to pick them all out.
This sucks.....but life couuld always be worse!
06-30-2011, 03:57 PM
peak- i would totally be bawling if I had to cut Aundra's hair... that really sucks about the lice. what a project.... yuck...
tink- i agree- sounds like things may be working out for the better..! is it this wknd you were looking at?!? maybe it was sooo much because of the 4th?!? IDK...
pj- no the following wkend.
peak- oh my! I'm so sorry :(
My parents place is down in Port St Lucie kind of near West Palm
06-30-2011, 04:13 PM
Tink, $350 is ridiculous!! I'm glad you have a better plan now, that should be fun!!
Peak, UGH!! That sucks! I hope it's gone soon :(
Ok, I have to jump on the rant train. My mother is driving me insane!!!!!!! She's turning into my crazy aunt! As some of you may know we're doing CIO with Cora since she hasn't been letting me rock her to sleep anymore. The only other option is to lie down with her and I can't do that. So we're at my mom's and I've had to let her CIO and every single time she makes a comment. She KNOWS I feel bad about it and didn't want to, but she still says how sad it is and how hard it is for her. Last night I finally said, "ok you go get her and go to bed with her and let her sleep with you." My sister told me she even told my mom not to give me a hard time about it because it was hard for me too. So today she makes a comment again when I put her down for a nap saying she was going to go to the store because it was too hard for her. UGH, shut up about it!!! THEN, last night she made tacos and had a taco that had sour cream and cheese in it (Cora's allergic). Some meat had fallen on her plate and she was going to give it to Cora. I was telling her, no don't give it to her, and she looks at it and says there's nothing on it. It took me a couple more times of saying not to until she stopped. It'd be one thing if she were to not know that if it touches it's got the dairy on it also, but she knows this! She's always telling me, oh you checked the ingredients right?! She gets so extreme that sometimes I want to ask her how she thinks Cora survives with me. I swear she's going to make me blow up and cry before I leave!
06-30-2011, 04:14 PM
peak--sorry about the lice. i know this is going to sound really nasty but its a trick we learned in daycare. lice is a clean bug. so if you dont wash your hair they cant stick to it. also you can use mayo instead of lice shampoo too.
we had a little girl get it so bad that even stuff from the dr coudlnt get rid of the lice. she ended up losing hair in patches on her head. it was sad.
i hope your house is lice free soon!
07-01-2011, 08:25 AM
Chelsea: (((hugs))) I'm sorry that your mom is being a pain. I was so worried that my parents were going to make similar comments while we were there. We had to let Louisa cry a couple nights, but they were actually very supportive. Turns out they did CIO with my sisters and me, and we turned out (relatively) fine. :p I find that it's harder now to let Louisa cry than it was when she was younger. I think with the colic I was just so immune to it all that it didn't bother me. Now that she doesn't cry that much anymore, it's harder to hear her cry, even if I know I'm trying to help her.
I hope your mom backs off. Maybe she really just needs to hear from you that you're Cora's parent and you're doing what you think is best. And if she can't accept that, maybe she can at least stop making comments when she needs to go out. :rolleyes:
How much longer are you there? Good luck!!!
07-01-2011, 09:24 AM
Chelsea-That is insane!! I hope she'll back off of you.
Tiffany-They actually make a lice shampoo that is safe for 2+...it's called lice md and it's non-chemical stuff. We used that and then coconut shampoo (with coconut oil in it). Coconut oil is supposed to take care of them and actually kill the eggs too. So we'll be using that daily for a week or two and then at least 2x a week after that!
Tink-How cool! FL would be a nice getaway!
07-05-2011, 09:34 AM
Tink - Glad things worked out for you! Your friend was definitely charging more than just the cleaning fee! It's not being ungrateful to just say that that is too much for you to spend and thank her anyway...
Peak - Ugh! I hope you can get away without cutting Jayna's hair too short... Sorry that you're going through it again.
chelsea - I would probably explode at my mother in a rant... "SHUT UP already!" The only good thing that would bring though would be that she would likely shut up about it...
07-12-2011, 05:10 AM
Okay, can I just say something.................?
WTF is wrong with people!? And by people, I mean undergraduate students who think my job (as their long-suffering TA) to answer questions at all hours of the night. And then when I go out of my way to have reception hours for them, they don't bother to show up, but continue to call me and send me emails, like I have nothing better to do!!! Argh - I am 100% certain I was not such a PITA when I was an undergrad...
Oh - the kicker is that they all ask the most idiotic question, which is: Like "do I need to know this? Oh, really? I thought it wasn't that important. Are you sure I need it for the exam??"
Robyn -- LOL! I feel your pain... I was a TA too, for a very long time. At some point I decided that I would only answer questions/emails during my office hours (I made sure I offered plenty of choice including additional OH close to exam times), otherwise it gets out of hand!!! As for the stupid questions... I used to keep a "log" and then shared the "most stupid question of the day/week/month/semester" with fellow TAs. At least it helped with stress and gave us a good laugh ;)
07-12-2011, 08:01 AM
vero has a very good idea! even i'd like to read the log of stupid questions!!! :)
and i must admit- I never did anything like that in college... but i will bet thousands of dollars that my sister would be one of your worst nightmares! she took two college classes in HS and I can't tell you how many evenings "Well, I'm waiting for her to email/call back" and always for the dumbest things!
kinda on the recent topic: i'm starting to mentally prepare for my trip to OH... i know there will be comments I don't want to hear-- and like SKU it's tempting to say SHUT UP already- but other than them shutting up- there won't be any other benefits to it... so i'm just trying to brace myself.... i really need something clever that will make them think though!
07-12-2011, 08:09 AM
Pjs-Hope your trip to Ohio goes really well!!
Robyn-Ughh!! I don't ever remember doing things like that as an undergrad and definitely not in grad school either! Some people are clueless!!!!
As for Jayna, we got the lice issue taken care of for now. It took me a long time and we did have to cut her hair. I actually had my Mom cut it and it turned out shorter than expected but super cute! It's right at shoulder length and layered. I still haven't posted pics yet (said I was going to on FB). I need to upload them from my camera and do that! We are now using coconut shampoo and conditioner w/ coconut oil in it. It's supposed to keep them away and kill them if they do happen to get in her hair. Hoping it won't be an issue again if we just try to prevent them.
07-12-2011, 09:09 AM
PJs - How about, "If you think you can do a better job raising my 2 year old and 1 year old, I'll loan them to you for a week while I go to the bahamas..."
robyn - I don't remember a TA ever giving out their phone number! Email address, sure... but you can answer those at your leisure. You are a way nicer/better TA than I ever had! OH were it for me! I say you reclaim your free time and screw 'em! ('Cause you KNOW they don't appreciate it like they should...)
07-12-2011, 12:24 PM
Peak - Sorry about Jayna's hair, but happy for you that it turned out cute! Short is better for summer anyway!
Pam - I hope the trip goes well. Why are you foreseeing stupid comments??
Sku - It's my office phone number. I started giving it out after receiving the 15th email with 12 questions in it, each requiring an answer at least half a page long. After that, I figured I'd rather get it done by phone than spend my entire day typing! And you know what? I AM a nice TA! I put my heart and soul into it every semester, and it pi$$es me off that they don't have any appreciation for my time and efforts! They totally take it for granted! When one girl called, i told her she should come to my OH. She said: "Oh, it's too much of a hassle for me to actually leave my house and come. My time is better spent here". ARGH!!!
Here's some stupidity from today's catch (If you guys knew organic chem, I could share a lot more stupidity, but since no one else is as quite stupid as me and is learning chemistry for a living, I doubt you'd care about how little chemistry my students actually know). So I'll limit myself to general idiocy (where specific chemical crap is mentioned, I substituted ** with the gist of things):
1. "Uh, I just went over the last tutorial. I'm not sure I actually get most of it. DO you think maybe it won't be covered in the test...?" (hopeful pause)
2. "Yesterday I asked you about *something-or-other* and you said *some-sort-of-stupid-answer-I-would-NEVER-have given*. But then I asked the other TA and she said *different-sort-of-answer-there's-no-way-she-gave*... So, uh, which one of you is wrong?" (As you can see - this particular idiot did not understand my answer yesterday, and did not understand the other's TA answer either, so technically we were both wrong, lol!)
3. "I was going over last year's exam and I think they made a mistake. I just wanted to know if I'll get full credit if I make the same mistake." (WHAT???)
4. "I was going over last year's exam and I finally understood some of it. Any chance you'll ask the same questions this year?"
5. "My friend and I were discussing *some sort of reaction*. She thinks *something completely wrong*, but I think *something completely wrong, too*. Which of us is right?"
6. "I haven't seen the exam yet, but I'm pretty sure I'll need extra time."
7. "Remember when we learned *specific type of compound* at the beginning of the semester? Well, I kinda lost you after that. Can you go over the important parts again?"
8. "Remember what you explained to me yesterday? Yeah, well, I got it. I really understood and everything... So could you walk me through it again?"
9. "This makes no sense! Why do I have to remember stuff I learned last semester?" (our course is the second half of a two-semester course - and of course, they knew this beforehand)
That's just a few nice ones. I'll let you know what doozies they come up with tomorrow during the actual exam!
07-12-2011, 12:36 PM
Robyn - Those questions are cracking me up! I would stop handing out my phone number if I were you and just do e-mail and restrict yourself from answering the e-mails unti your "on the clock" so to speak.
Robyn -- LOL!! I would make a "stupid FAQ" handout and hand it to them. Tell them to refer to the FAQ first before calling... Maybe that way they will feel a bit embarrassed?? Even though if they are anything like my former students, they won't get it either! Believe me, I feel your pain!! One of my favorite stupid questions of all times, when I was an instructor for undergrad Statics was: "why didn't I get any credit in this problem? My only mistake was to say that the sine of the angle had to be 5"... Well HELLO!! The sine function goes from -1 to 1 so it got to be one heck of an angle! The sad part... The guy never understood why... And of course never made it to the school of engineering!
07-12-2011, 01:05 PM
I think it's actually better that you replaced the organic chemistry stuff with things like *some-sort-of-stupid-answer-I-would-NEVER-have given*!
LOL! At least the exam is over tomorrow and then hopefully you'll be finished with these geniuses forever!
07-12-2011, 01:18 PM
Jessica - you're right... but if I did that, it would eat up all of my "on the clock" time, and then how on earth would I EVER get this PhD done?!
The genius behind my evil plan (using teh phone vs. email) is that people are more embarrassed to be stupid over the phone. Email is virtually anonymous (I don't know all of my 80 students' names, let alone match name to face) so they can ask whatever they want, send a moronic email at 2:30 AM and just wait for me to answer them. If, on the other hand, I tell them to phone, well, there are several benefits: it has to be during office hours, and if I'm not in, that's their loss! Unlike email, it can't be whenever they choose! And, more importantly, the desperation required in order to place a phone call to your TA is much higher... Only the truly hopeless get over their "oh, how, mortifying! I'm calling the TA!" qualms and call. I got 7 emails today, told all of them to call, and only 3 called. I'd say I was getting somewhere!
Oh, and just to show how nice I really am, I actually got back to one girl who asked me something I wasn't sure about. I took her phone number and called her back later.
Vero - LOL! That sounds so ridiculous! I get that a lot: "Why didn't I get any credit for this? Sure, I synthesized the wrong compound, used reactions that exist only in my head and violate every known principle of chemistry - but I deserve partial credit for creativity.". Not kidding - that has happened! That, and "If I were the TA, I'd only deduct 5 points for this. I don't understand why you took off 10. I actually did a good job; I could have made a much bigger mistake..." To this I said, "You wanna change jobs? Fine with me! You can teach ungrateful students and do the work of slavemaster professors all for under minimum wage instead of me any day!"
Mini - Yes! Tomorrow the OH end and the exam-checking begins! Oh, joy! Since Thurs is my b-day I'm taking it off and not checking exams until Sunday! Unfortunately, these geniuses later meet up with me again in 3rd year courses, and - even more frightening - when they start their MSc. As we know, universities pretty much let anyone in now (that was a crack at myself :))
Oh, and the FAQ was rich! I usually write down the real winner and then share with my friends, but this time I am going to write them down and post on the course website: "stuff you should NOT write on the make-up test, on pain of failing!"
07-13-2011, 10:13 AM
I love the idea of the stupid FAQ book, awesome!
I have a rant. I hate my job. I absolutely positively without any hesitation hate my job. First, I used to do a different job, but it was *suggested* that before I left on maternity leave I accept a different role within my current department and it woudl be remembered favorably at review time. Also, it was mentioned that FMLA says that I need to be guaranteed a job, not MY job. So, take this other job or we will move you kind of thing. So, stuck, I did it. I came back in early April only to learn that the job I thought I was taking was given to someone else so I was now going to do an even different job. Whatever, i needed a paycheck. This job is SO boring. I maybe have 1 hour's worth of work a day, maybe and it is far easier than the job I used to do and easier than the job I was supposed to do. I feel like I have been demoted. The worst part is I have to sit here for 7 other hours trying to look busy. I told my boss I need something else to do, but there is nothing else to do. In the last two days, I applied for four jobs at different companies using my work computer. Because I have nothing else to do. It's driving me crazy. I dont like being lazy, I want to be busy. This job is making me hate myself, it is making me feel kind of lazy and now worthless. What do I do?
07-13-2011, 10:55 AM
Wells - That's exactly how I felt about my previous job. I could do my work in half the day then sat around waiting for the hours to go by. I applied to lots of other positions and eventually got a new position and 5 years later, I'm still here, happy but extremely busy. I hope you find a new job soon. I think that's your solution to you current situation. After all, you can only be on these boards and read so much, right? :p
07-13-2011, 11:51 AM
Thanks. That's what I am doing. I just applied for six different jobs, 4 at the Target Corporation headquarters. So, let's hope something pans out.
07-13-2011, 12:02 PM
Keep applying to new jobs... :D I've been there...
07-14-2011, 02:35 PM
sorry if this is a jumbled mess but im so upset right now.
my brothers and his gf (lets just call her my SIL even though shes not) have a 2.5 mo little girl named kennedy. sil is about to turn 20 and my brother is 24. they live with my mom who works 2 jobs and totally mooch off her. (thats a whole other post in its self) well sil is going to start working next wk and i told her i would keep the baby for her. my brother would be bringing her to work early in the morning, then my mom would bring me the baby when shes headed to work around 830. (another key point that i forgot to add is that neither my brother or sil have a car! brother uses a work truck and sil doenst even have a DL) so i would have v and k till 2 when sil gets off work. my mom ask me today if i can go pick up sil when she gets off!
now i know plenty of moms have 2 or more kids and its really not a big deal. but im just not used to it. i would have to start loading up babies at 1 to go pick her up at 2. (the place she works is maybe 20 mins from me.) not to mention that 1 is nap time or lunch time around here. my day is very baby led and i dont like messing it up. i think i just need time to adjust to my new schedule before i can start running around town with 2 babies in tow.
i have another rant but v is up from his nap and hungry.
07-14-2011, 02:40 PM
I would say no....because you are right it will totally mess up the 2 babies schedules, which makes everyone grumpy! Also, ask the moms of multiples, most of them will tell you they didn't go out much when the babies were that little, a 6mo and 2.5 mo old are not much different than twin infants.
07-14-2011, 03:09 PM
Tell SIL to use the bus!!! This reminds me of my nephew and his gf, or ex-gf, I don't even know anymore. The only thing is there is no baby involved, thank God!! My sister takes care of this girl and she is such a brat! She argues with my sister all the time (I do have to admit, she's hard not to argue with, but still!) and tells her she needs to take her places, etc. I keep telling my sister to make her ride the bus, but she won't. People ride the bus all the time! The best part is when they broke up this girl moved in with my sister and my nephew is still moved out. Oh man, this is starting to become my rant too! LOL!!
07-14-2011, 03:33 PM
haha thanks girls. my mom does so much for them and she says shes doing it for kennedy. k was barely 2 wks old and sil was dragging her around town to all her friends houses! they were just partying it up. smoking and drinking around the baby. ughh it makes me so mad. my hubs limits what i can do for them. of course shes my niece and i want to spoil her. i do what i can when i can but it just gets to a point where you know you are being taken advantage of. sil is just now getting a job but i bet someone (my mom, my granny or sil's mom and sometimes me) has k 4 days out of the week while sil is out drinking with her friends.
so my second rant is my cousin. out of 9 on my dads side of the family im the oldest. i have two other girl cousins that i was really close with as a child and teenager. i decided to grow up while they hung around a group that i dont really care for. (the kind of people that are always drinking and doing drugs. the type that are always looking for a reason to fight) luckily for me thats when i met the hubs so it didnt really matter what they were doing. they both have 6 yo little girls and im sure that makes them closer since it took a lot of time and effort for us to get pg. sorry for rambling.
so this cousin of mine just bought her first home. yay for her! but she has her loser bf living with her. she doesnt really care for him all that much and doesnt see herself getting married to him. he on the other hand wants to get married and has been begging her for a baby. he doesnt work half the time and im sure he gets money from illeagal stuff if ya catch my drift. my cousin on the other hand is a hard worker and a good parent. so they sent out invites for a house warming party. no big deal. they registered at walmart for gifts. again no big deal. then she had one of her friends call me and ask if i was going and if i could bring a covered dish. this is where i lost it. 1) the invite said THEY bought a house...its only in my cousins name (thank goodness!) 2) you arent married or even engaged! so why did you feel the need to regestier for gifts and add that in the invite..its tacky to me. 3) its your party so you should be supplying the food right? thats how we do it at my house. (lets not forget EVERY time they are asked to bring a dish they "forget")
so since i dont agree with alot of whats going on at the party i dont want to go. my mawmaw then jumps my butt today saying i should go and that shes my cousin. i plan on going to see a movie with my MIL instead. ontop of all that i told mawmaw that they never invite me to anything else and only really call when they need something or if i can babysit.
thanks for letting me get this all out. i tell hubs about it all but all it does is make him mad at my family. i love them and would like to be as close as we were but its just not going to happen.
07-15-2011, 01:23 AM
Tiff - that's horrible!
About your "SIL" - that's just way out of line! She should be kissing your feet for taking care of her baby free of charge! (just for the record, I pay something like $700/month for quality child care!). Asking you to drag TWO babies out just to come pick her up is a rotten thing to do. Doesn't she even care about her own child's well-being? To this day, I don't take J out in the car unless I have to, or I'm with someone else. If he starts screaming while I'm driving, it almost gives me a panic attack and don't like to drive like that. And when I do take him out, I try to work it around his naps, too. So don't feel bad about saying "no". She should never have asked you in the first place, IMHO.
As for your cousin - in my family (and also with my friends) when people are invited over, it's customary to bring something. Doesn't matter if it's a party or just a Friday family dinner. It's just so the person hosting doesn't have to do all the work. However, if these people are in the habit of not bringing anything, then I don't see why you should bust your butt to do something for them...? I think it's more about them being bad guests wen they're invited over than it is about them being bad hosts (does that make sense??). I don't know if I would deliberately go out to the movies with my MIL to avoid going. I think I would go, but "forget" to bring a dish :). Sorry if I sound like a childish *itch. I do tend to me immature at times, LOL!
07-18-2011, 09:03 AM
Tiff - When my twins were 6 months old, we were getting out pretty regularly... When they were 2.5 months old, we didn't go anywhere except their dr's appts. So, you would be somewhere in between there. That being said, we DID NOT go out at nap time! That was sacred time for all of us! I needed the "me" time and the kids needed the sleep. I would not be leaving the house at nap time for anything. She can figure out the bus schedule!
As for your cousin... in our family, we typically do 1 or the other... if it's a party where people are bringing gifts, the host(ess) provides the food. If it's just a get together, then we bring dishes to pass. It's totally rude to ask people to bring both! You could always say that you'll bring a dish to pass as your house warming gift to them... (PS - My DH bought a house before we were married... it was in his name, but it was OUR house... I lived there too and helped pay the bills even if the house wasn't in my name. I don't know the couple, but if they are living together, it would seem rude to me for her NOT to include him... speaking from my personal experience there...) You don't have to agree with the decisions that family makes, but in family, you need to try to be supportive if you want to have a relationship... I sort of agree with your mawmaw... Can't even try to build a relationship if you purposefully avoid the party... If I were your cousin, I would be very hurt and bitter. (Even if they did tackily register...)
07-18-2011, 01:03 PM
Tiff - I have been taking my girls out regularly since they were 2 or 3 weeks old. But that was for my sanity's sake and it really was a production for a while. We have gotten much more streamlined now and I still take them out regularly. But there is no way that I would do what you are being asked. SIL's an adult she can start acting like one and figure out her own transportation issues. You are already going above and beyond by watching her child. The very least she can do is figure out her own rides.
07-22-2011, 04:46 AM
Ok, I have a rant..
I think I've mentioned it before, but heres a little background in case I haven't. DH and I are broke. Like seriously broke. DH hasn't worked more than a couple days a MONTH in months. Between DH not working and my not working for so long before the babies and only part time now, we only have enough money to cover our utilities, car and insurance and groceries. So, we are losing our house. It sucks, its super depressing, but it is what it is and right now there just isn't anything we can do about it. Unfortunately we can't afford rent right now either because DH isn't working. I am trying to pick up extra work, but its hard this time of year. I'm more likely to get canceled than called in.
Well, DH has been slacking majorly in the looking for a job department. He is self employed currently but has been "looking" for permanent employment. Last week he spent all his down time messing around with his guitars, the week before, probably the same. Then for some reason this week he decides he needs to buckle down and apply for jobs. Great!! Well, apparently he can't "focus" on applying when the girls are here for some reason. So I took them to my parents for 4 HOURS Sunday. What did he do?? Played with his guitar and video games. I offered to take them out for a few hours Tuesday. He decided he would come with us. Then we got a letter from the bank giving us the auction date for house. Cue DH's pity party. I made dinner (and breakfast that Tuesday) and he didn't even attempt to help me clean up. He just ate and went to bed. Left everything for me to clean. Then had the nerve to get mad at me the next day for being miffed at him. I swear to God I could have strangled the man! He decided that we needed to "discuss" who is going to cook and then who is responsible for cleaning up since he apparently didn't know I was going to cook that night. Um... its always been the person who doesn't cook puts the food away and handles the dishes. I also had told him I was cooking that night and he's the one who took the chicken out of the freezer for me the night before. I have been on this man to meal plan for MONTHS because he's the type to decide spur of the moment what he wants to cook and it always requires ingredients we don't have and never what we do. So we end up wasting tons of food. But suddenly he wants to "discuss" the cooking in advance all because I roasted a damn chicken and expected at least a little help cleaning up.
Anyway, DH did not get the "discussion" he planning on. He did however get his rear end handed to him a few times. He managed to apply for 3 jobs Wednesday night and 3 more today. Seems he figured out how to focus :p
Oh and I managed to spill coffee in my water when I tried to put them on my desk tonight. Now I am thirsty and my water is contaminated with Dunkin' Donuts coffee. Great coffee, not so great water. Blech!
07-22-2011, 03:50 PM
im sorry meggie. that does suck! we do the same thing at my house. i cook, he cleans and puts away. i hope hes able to find a job soon. hopefully he will get called back.
07-22-2011, 10:56 PM
meggie - So sorry for what you're going through... I hope DH finds a job soon...
07-23-2011, 09:53 AM
Tiff, honestly I have never heard of registering for a house warming party or including registry information on an invitation. So all of it seems tacky to me. And if she doesnt see herself marrying him, why wold she include him on the invite? I agree if you are throwing a "registered" party, you supply the food. But she may see you as the close family that is behind the scenes and helping more than a guest. Just go and bring some cookies and a gift, sometimes with family we just have to bite our tongues even if we dont agree. It does sound like she has worked hard to get her own home.
As for SIL, can she take the us? If not, just tell her to eat lunch or something until you can pick her up after the naps. It does suck, but at least she and your brother are working and trying to pick themselves up for their baby.you are taking the brunt of it, but again....family.
Its hard to do helpful things when you feel like your getting taken advantage of, but they probably feel bad about it too. My DH would be pissed if I were doing all of that. He would say I was enabling, but if they have no car and no DL, its a temporary solution.
Meg, thanks goodness you set him straight. I have had to job hunt for mysister who was living with me and for my husband at times and it's ridiculous how people can have no drive or motivation...and the stuff we do for them. Drives me nuts. So sorry about the house, I hope you can fine a place and he gets a job soon.
07-23-2011, 10:00 AM
meggie- so sorry to hear that you guys are losing the house. That really sucks! Are you guys moving in with family???
okay- so my turn to rant! last night dh and i went to see harry potter... (first and only date of just the two of us in a year...) we left Cork to babysit. (DH told her she was going to and didn't allow her the option of saying no...) she knew we were going to the movies too... but we told her we'd keep the cell on in case of emergency. 2/3 through the movie the phone starts going off: "How do I get your daughter to stay asleep?" In my mind I'm thinking: "We haven't figured that one out.... good luck!" Needless to say it was all down here from there...
Otherwise we did have a good time... it's just frustrating. Oh well. I'm still counting down the days until Courtney goes to college... we're slowly getting closer!
07-23-2011, 01:22 PM
Thanks for the sympathy ladies. Its a crappy situation but not an uncommon one unfortunately. DH has applied for 6 or 7 jobs this week, so hopefully something pans out. At least he's trying.
Pjs - We aren't moving in with family, at least not yet. I want to avoid that if at all possible. I love our families, but I think I love them a lot more with a little distance ;) DH has been looking up rentals since its coming down to crunch time. He's finding decent stuff that's in our price range, but I think that range is a little ambitious. I am thinking we are going to end up in an apartment for a bit. Which is fine. At this point I just want it over with.
Im sorry you didn't get to enjoy your movie. LOL @ "how do I get your daughter to stay asleep". I think that's the million dollar question for all of us LOL.
07-24-2011, 03:09 PM
Meggie, I'm sorry about the house :(. I hope your DH is able to find something soon.
pjs, I'm glad you were able to get out, but sorry it wasn't uninterrupted!
So, I have a rant too. I know I'm being irrational, but I'm so irritated right now! Sometimes on the weekends DH will take Cora in the mornings and let me sleep in a little bit. He did this morning and when I got up he went upstairs to take a nap. I'm looking around and notice that the bathroom door is wide open (we ALWAYS close it so she doesn't go in there) and the toilet brush is lying in front of the bookcase!! UGH!!! I know he wasn't watching her because he was playing on his computer. Which is a constant argument between us. Then I run in my head, what if the toilet seat was up and she fell into the toilet and drowned all because he can't get his a$$ off the computer and pay attention to his daughter. This of course has me all worked up now. I just told him he's now not allowed to be on the computer if he's alone with her. I swear he can't do anything in moderation. He gets obsessed. I'm on the computer 8 hours a day working while watching the baby during the week and I can keep an eye on her, why can't he?! UGH!!!
08-05-2011, 04:49 AM
I feel guilty posting here again, but I hope you don't mind indulging me while I vent.
I am having a really hard time lately. DH has been working 14 hour shifts for at least a week now (including weekends). He usually leaves for work before Louisa wakes up and is home after she's in bed. Aside from 20 minutes this morning, he hasn't seen Louisa since Tuesday. He probably won't see her again until Sunday when he finally has a day off.
I am just feeling so frustrated, fatigued, and worn down. Louisa usually takes good naps, thank goodness, but when she's napping that's my chance to quickly shower, do laundry, clean the house, cook her food, etc. It's not actually down time. I haven't had a break for a long time, and it's wearing on my nerves. I even find myself thinking sometimes that I wish I never even had a baby. I didn't realize I'd be doing so much on my own. We have no friends or family around to help out, and most of the time I feel like I don't even have a husband.
I feel so guilty because you all seem to have endless amounts of patience and love for your children, which is the way it's supposed to be. But this morning when Louisa woke up from her nap after 30 minutes, I just left her screaming in her crib for 15 minutes because I just couldn't bear the thought of my shift starting again.
She's probably just like every other baby, but she is so intense and needy. She's not able to entertain herself at all, so I always have to be playing with her. (I know that sounds horrible, but sometimes I'd love to just stick her in her playpen for a few minutes so I could have a break.) It wasn't so bad before she started pulling up and cruising. Now I am on guard all the time and she falls over and cracks her head against our floor more times a day than I can count. I love that she is developing and learning all these new things, but it's so exhausting!
My in-laws are coming to visit soon, so at least I'll have a reprieve then. Who thought I'd be so excited to see the in-laws?! lol. :p I feel guilty complaining to DH because it's not his fault, and my friends without kids just don't understand and don't want to hear it. Anyway, I feel like an awful mother, but I just needed to get this off my chest! Thank you all for letting me ramble!
08-05-2011, 05:39 AM
mini--im so sorry you have been feeling down. i know how that feels. my hubs has been working late for the past few weeks as well. i try not to bug him too much when hes home bc i know hes wiped out from working in the hot sun all day. veston goes to bed about 30-45 mins after he gets home so he hasnt seen him much either. veston is also a needy baby. his naps are usually 45 mins to an hour so i barely have time to myself. sometimes i will put him in his exersaucer and go in the other room for a few mins. if he cries the whole time then he just cries. i try not to let it get to me too much. i will take him out and just lay on the floor with him while he gets over it.
it will get better-thats what i keep telling myself. i just pray that one day i will have a happy baby that can entertain himself while i clean and cook. hopefully your DH schedule will calm down soon and he can be at home more. and have fun with your in laws! maybe they can keep lou while you go shopping for a little bit and get some much needed me time.
08-05-2011, 06:08 AM
Mini - I totally understand how you feel. I love my girls to death but I have definitely wondered why I wanted kids more than once. DH has a job prospect in Chicago and as much I want him to get a job and help support the family, it scares me to death. If we have to relocate I will be completely on my own with the girls. No friends, no family, no help. I would have to stop working and SAH because we would have no childcare. Nothing has even happened and my anxiety is already going through the roof. I love my girls just like I know you love Louisa, but holy crap, they are exhausting.
08-05-2011, 06:47 AM
Thanks Tiffany and Meagan for your nice responses. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed that I even wrote that post. You all are doing such a great job, and many of you are dealing with a lot more than I am (um, like twins for example!!!). Sometimes I feel like I'm not even cut out for motherhood. Most of the time I like being a mom. Sometimes I love it, and sometimes I really don't like it at all. The weird thing is that no matter how I'm feeling about motherhood, I always love Louisa. It's hard to explain, but I'm sure you all get it.
Meagan, I definitely get the fear of moving somewhere new. That's a big move, especially with two little girls. No matter how it works out though, you can do it! I know some of the girls here live in Chicago. Maybe you have a ready made playgroup waiting for you. :)
08-05-2011, 07:16 AM
(((hugs))) mini. Everybody needs a break once in awhile! When people go to jobs they get breaks because it is hard to be "on" all the time. It doesn't mean you are a bad mom at all, just a very normal one! I hope you can get some time to yourself because you deserve it.
08-05-2011, 02:56 PM
mini- I totally get where you are coming from. my dh is technically out of state and only comes home when he gets a requested pass for a weekend or the job corps goes on a break(which won't be until november for that one). find myself resentful ALL the time- perfect example was this morning. I was going to get up early for a shower and Brandon woke up 15 min before my alarms and I had to wake someone else up just so I could shower--btw he woke up at 445 in the morning after going to sleep around 11- I got someone else after trying to get him back to sleep at 530. It is very frustrating, but I just keep telling myself that none of it is the baby's fault- he's just a baby(or rather toddler!), and how much I really do love being a mom- even though there's never a break from anything!
btw meggie- if dh gets the job in chicago- I'm from there! I'd be glad to be the welcoming party for you and the girls!:)
08-06-2011, 08:46 PM
Just a quick rant....Today, my family from NJ came into town and we had dinner with them. During dinner, my cousin's husband asked if we were going to try for #2 soon and I said yeah, probably this fall, going to see the doctor to see what we need to do. His response was, "Well, why don't you just try it on your own first?" UMMM seriously!!??!!?? Do you think I go through IVF because it's "fun"? I kept my cool though and told him that I haven't been on birth control since we got married and nothing has happened on its own, not even since Camden was born. Some people are just so clueless!
08-06-2011, 09:06 PM
Jess, that reminds me of when DH got back from deployment his family was saying, "Oh I bet she'll be pregnant in a month." Um yeah, because it was so easy the first time!! Do they not remember or are they that stupid? Ugh!!
08-07-2011, 03:47 AM
Ugh, I'm so sorry ladies for your clueless, insensitive family members! And talk about things that are none of their business. Sheesh. :rolleyes:
08-07-2011, 09:50 AM
speaking of insensitive families....
My parents until this day are still in denial of the reason why I had to go through ivf to get pregnant. Like you did not give yourself enough time or you did this to yourself because of the soda you drink. They will never undersand! The only people that know about my ivf are my coworkers, some patients, my parents & siblings. I refuse to let my husbands family know. Their mentality is different & I don't need to give them something to talk about! My business is my own & I don't need their advice or judgement.
08-07-2011, 02:23 PM
My rant of the day- 14.5 hr work day. INSANELY busy night for all of us. I do not and never will understand why 2am on the weekend is the best time to come to the ER for the issue you've had for a week or even months.
08-07-2011, 06:22 PM
;)meggie sounds like you are a nurse.
I do 12 hr shifts in labor & delivery so I don't usually encounter the craziness that you get in the ER. Well it is a different kind of crazy :D
08-07-2011, 10:53 PM
MaryFaith - LOL I am a nurse. We get some really whacky stuff on my unit. Either patients being totally bonkers or the families. We had 1 patient with a million family members the ENTIRE night. Tramping all over the unit, walking through the nurses station, sitting in the halls wanting to basically camp out in the room. Then complaining that the patient's music in the room next door was too loud for them and they wanted us to tell the PATIENT to be quiet :eek: Hells NO! I had another family member who interrupted CPR during a code because her mother (a patient) wanted ice chips. The nurse was doing compressions and the family member seriously walked into the room, asked when "all this" would be done so she could get ICE CHIPS.
08-08-2011, 12:58 AM
meggie, LOL at CPR interruption for ice chips. They were probably saying "when will this **beep** die so I can get some ice chips! with a getto accent.
When Mary was barely 1 month, we took her to the ER b/c worried her bili was up. She was ORANGE! Anyways some of the ER rooms were divided by curtains & across our side was an isolated room. Inside was an old lady singing "jesus loves us hallaluya" aka possibly drunk & I mean singing her heart out with a high pitch squeaky voice. I swear out of no were the tech, nurse & doctor started singing as soon as they entered her room (they had to distract her). I looked at my DH & said no way, she is not getting all the fun & was on the verge of breaking out a tune.
The funniest story I heard was that of a patient coming to the ER complaining of vaginal pain & I guess the ER physician did a vaginal exam on her & started screaming "she is CROWNING!" They start pushing her on the cart ASP to labor & delivery & into the OR. The ob doctor came out to do the "delivery." He was like something is not right! Then out of no where, he asks the patient "what did you put in there?" She apparently was watching a porn flick where they stuck plums into that region & decided to give it a taste. Only problem was her vaginal muscles contracted pushing the plum further toward her cervix. At that point she could not get it out & was too embarrassed to tell the nurses or doctors :eek: plus she was not pregnant
08-08-2011, 10:28 AM
Lmao @ the plum! Lol another nurse I worked with when I floated had a confused pt. They started beat boxing and rapping to distract him. He was confused and restrained (and cranky). It totally deescalted the situation and was hillarious to listen to. Lol sometimes you just gotta go with it. The best conversation Ive had in a while was with a patient with a severe head injury. He thought he was in the sick bay on a star ship.
08-08-2011, 01:15 PM
LOL @star ship I need to switch to ER!
08-08-2011, 05:38 PM
LOL I don't even work in the ER. I work on a Trauma Neuro unit. I wanted to do L&D but it just never happened.
Mini- just reading this thread now. (((hugs))) I think a lot of us can relate. My dh works late 5 days a week. He goes into work about 20-30 mins after Owen wakes up and is home after the kids are in bed. He usually doesn't see Anna during the week unless she happens to wake up early. One thing that helped me get "me" time during nap time, was to get other chores done while the kids are awake. I take my shower either before Anna wakes in the morning or after she's had her breakfast. She is less then thrilled to hang out with me in the bathroom while I shower, but she's over it by the time I'm done. She also "helps" me with laundry. Once she started cruising I let her help me push the laundry basket to the laundry room. Then she usually sits there and throws the clothes on the floor while I load them into the washer :) For folding I dump the clean clothes on my bed and she plays with the basket while I fold. Anyway, getting some of that stuff done in the morning allows me at least 30 mins of time to sit and relax before Owen starts hollering to get up from his rest time.
Just know you aren't alone and don't feel bad about posting that.
08-09-2011, 12:11 AM
mary&meggie--LMAO at these stories!
tink- thats a good idea with the laundry basket--Brandon rarely lets me do anything!
08-09-2011, 12:50 AM
meggie, oh so on Trauma Neuro unit....uhhhh yeah that pretty much explains the star ship :p ..... Labor & delivery is really hard to get into because the nurses NEVER want to leave. I was lucky enough to get into it as soon as I graduated because my mom worked on the floor as a ob tech
08-09-2011, 09:03 AM
Just feeling like ranting today! I need a vacation!!!! I'm tired of dealing with stupid stuff at work! Most of it is stuff that doesn't take a lot of time, but it's annoying! And then we have to be so stinkin' careful to word things in just the right way... I'm so tired of nit-picking every stinkin' word! And I'm tired of feeling like I have to pick up slack for everyone else! Manage your stinkin' work load like the rest of us! Get your job done and stop trying to pawn stuff off on others 'cause you don't want to do it! It has to get done and it's your stinkin' responsibility! AAAAHHHHH!!!!
08-11-2011, 12:13 PM
I think I just realized this thread is on the Moms board but I need to rant about my SIL. she is driving me nuts with her projects. she is the kind of person that ALWAYS has multiple projects going on (she is a SAHM and is busier than anyone i know, which often leads to her not completing projects or finishing them way late and intruding on other peoples' schedules). she makes halloween costumes, decorates cakes, has elaborate birthday parties for her girls and then talks about how much everything cost to make and how her husband will be pissed. so tired of hearing about it!! now she wants to throw me and DH another baby shower even though my friend is already throwing me a shower and there is no one to invite to a second shower (our coworkers are throwing each of us a shower at work). my friend is throwing me a shower that i will actually enjoy and it will be relaxing--which would not be the case if my SIL were doing it. i told my SIL that DH doesn't really want a shower or to invite his single friends. i figured she just wanted to throw us a shower so she could show off her crafty skills, especially a cake. then her SIL tells me that exact thing! well DH and i think it's stupid and pointless. my SIL also offered as her gift to us to decorate our babies' room. we don't want that either!!!! why can't she just get us something we actually NEED!! why doesn't she even ask us what we need? it's all about her--none of this is for us (at least that is the way we feel). i told her we have some ideas for the room and we want to keep it simple and she doesn't need to worry about anything expensive. i need to tell her that we just want to do it ourselves! i mean really, these are our babies. i'm sorry if i sound ungrateful but my SIL doesn't put much thought into what people actually want/need when it comes to gifts. as for the projects, she helped us a lot with our wedding and i'm so glad that's over with and i don't want to relive it. i have too many other things to think about!
08-11-2011, 12:29 PM
Praises - You may have to just come right out and tell her that you and DH want to be the ones to decorate for the babies. If she gets mad that is really too bad. As far as the shower goes maybe it would help by saying that you knew that she was terribly busy :p and a friend already offered and has ideas and decorations already even if they don't.
I was really stressed over my daughter's 1st birthday party with one friend trying to tell me to do this and do that and I finally had to just ignore her and do my own thing and I am glad that I did.
Try not to let her stress you out, it is not good for you or the babies, let DH go to bat for you if you have to.
08-11-2011, 12:43 PM
darlin--thanks! i told DH that i wanted to refer her and all her questions to him (she keeps emailing me). he doesn't want to deal with her either! i'm all about trying to stay stress free as much as possible.
yeah the other shower is all planned and my SIL knows that. she just wants to throw another "smaller" shower. her reasoning was that there would be people who couldn't go to the other shower that might want to go to the smaller one. i told her if someone RSVPs no to my other shower, i'm not going to be rude and invite them to another shower!
last fall she offered to help throw her SIL's daughter's first b-day party and make the cake and her SIL said "no thanks, we're just going to keep it simple and order a cake." around the same time, she offered to make her first halloween costume. her SIL said they already picked one online that they liked and ordered it. my SIL thought that was silly! she was obviously feeling miffed. it made me think, if she's upset that they don't want her involved with their kid's stuff, she's probably going to be upset with us too because we would say no! she doesn't understand that some people just want to be simple. if you have the time and money to spend on elaborate projects, then by all means go for it, but she does not.
08-11-2011, 11:08 PM
praises- i understand COMPLETELY what you're saying. my sil took over my wedding- and I'm still unhappy with the appearance(I can't say the results because my marriage is the result!) and how everything was forgotten! she lost my veil forgot the cakes and the table clothes and wouldnt even let me SEE the favors when the favors were MY IDEA! I wish i had put my foot down and told her that it was MY wedding and not hers, and if she wanted to help then fine- but not to take over what I wanted. then she wanted her and her twin to do my baby shower- since she said me and my mom shouldn't do it--well knowing what she did to my wedding- my mom and i did our own anyways and my sil's never even tried a shower again...but I can say I couldn't have been happier with my shower.
so i guess I'm just saying put your foot down and let her know- otherwise she will keep trying to do things for you that you don't want her doing. if she gets upset- oh well! if it's for you, then it should make YOU happy.
08-12-2011, 09:56 PM
Candace--wow your SIL might be worse than mine when it comes to this stuff! I was mostly happy with how our wedding looked--she showed me everything along the way and I did some of my own stuff--but she got mad at me when I told her I didn't want to do her centerpiece idea and I was going to do something else. The planning was so overwhelming!
So my SIL told DH today that she and my MIL had wanted to throw my shower because that is tradition (???) And that she is going to make us a Ninja Turtles cake no matter what (!!!), even if it has to be a welcome home gift. Yeah like eating cake is going to be the first thing on my mind when I'm trying to breastfeed!! I know, I'm complaining again, but I just know I'm gonna want real food!! (If I have time to eat..lol)
I mentioned that DH and I wAnted to do a panda/bamboo themed room so she found a quilt pattern online and asked if we liked it (we did, it's cute), so it sounds like she's going to make that instead of the blankets she was going to do because she said she really wants to make something special for the boys that we like. I appreciate that and if that's all she does, I'm cool with that!
08-12-2011, 10:12 PM
praises- that's good that's she's agreed to do the blankets with a design that you approve of! and with the wedding--the center pieces were left behind too! I ended up giving away the bowls for them since someone else i know was getting married and like the direction i went with me center pieces.
08-18-2011, 09:43 PM
Hi ladies - this is my first rant. DH has annoyed me beyond belief tonight! His boss is in town for two days. (His boss works in the L.A. office and we are in Nor Cal.) So I decided that I was going to make my special chocolate cherry cupcakes with homemade fudge frosting for him to take in. Well he didn't help me much with the baby last night so I was up late making these cupcakes. The baby ended up going to bed late because he never puts him to bed so the baby only goes to bed when I feed him and rock him to sleep. Then today he comes home from work and our neighbor I guess was out side waiting for him to come home to ask if she can borrow his truck (which he has been "fixing" for 7 months!) So I heard the car pull in and I am feeding the baby and waiting and waiting for him to come in and he doesn't so I open the door and walk outside (while feeding the baby) and they are standing over chatting. I'm really starting to dislike our neighbor she is always giggling and flirting with my husband. So he comes in and I am already pissed and he doesn't even get that I am pissed. So he takes the baby, when I am done feeding him holds him for maybe 20 minutes then sets him down and goes in the bathroom for half an hour. So when he comes out and I am not talking to him he still has no idea whats wrong. So finally I tell him if he wants to stand outside all night flirting with the neighbor then he should just go for it. And I say it must be nice to go to the bathroom uninterrupted for half an hour - which his reply was oh I lost track of time reading my book - that must be REALLY nice! Like that makes it better. And I still haven't got a thank you for making cupcakes. Ugh so frustrated and tired today.
08-22-2011, 09:43 AM
Pink - Ugh! DH owes you a thank you for sure!!! As for the neighbor... you can't blame him 'cause the neighbor is a tramp... but you can tell him that it makes you feel like crap and you would appreciate it if he would not spend time chatting with her. As for the bathroom... that is standard practice in our house. My DH calls me "the fastest pooper ever" and doesn't understand how I can get things done so quickly... Um... 'cause I don't go in until I have to go and because I don't have the luxury of sitting in there for 30 mins! They definitely don't get that...
08-26-2011, 01:17 PM
I'm so sick of being ditched by my so called friends. It's like no one understands how important time away is for me and how much I need time outside of my role of being a mom no matter how many times I tell them or stress that to them. I feel like I'm in the middle of a room screaming and no one is listening to me.
I'm sick of being stuck in my own home because it's such a hassle to go anywhere with the babies. I have social anxiety disorder and the amount of attention we get is extremely hard for me. I had to go pick up a prescription at Walmart on Monday and had the babies with me...I kept a tally of how many times I was stopped in the 30 minutes I was there..SIXTEEN people literally stopped me and started a conversation with me or asked to see the babies. Countless others whispered "triplets" under their breath or pointed at us. I totally get that they're adorable and that we look like a freakshow with the massive stroller, but it's the constant stopping and staring. I know that no one means any harm by them and I'd probably stare at someone like me too. It gets old though when you have to live through it and all the stupid questions or horrible comments. DH and I were talking about attempting to go out to dinner tonight but we don't know how to make it work with the babies and their schedule and what they would eat where we go, if it would have eggs in it, how much of a mess they'd make, etc. We can't walk around the mall because the stroller doesn't fit in stores. The only places we've found that we can easily take the stroller is the zoo or the beach and it's too hot right now to do either of those. I can go places by myself while DH watches the babies, but I get so tired of being alone all of the time. I just wish I had some good friends who cared. Everyone was there when I was pregnant and it was all exciting, but as soon as the babies were born, no one came around anymore. No one calls me or anything anymore..and if I call them I get voicemail and no return call. I've been nothing but a good friend to all of these people, why can't I get that in return!?!?
And worst of all, the moms group that I was so looking forward to going to once a week....I'm not sure if I can go because of RSV season with the babies. My pedi wasn't sure if it was a good idea or not since the girls won't be eligible for Synagis this year.
08-26-2011, 01:52 PM
Judy, (((hugs))) I so wish we all lived near each other!! On going out to eat, give it a try! I'm able to find things for Cora when we go out and it's no problem. Most menus have some sort of grilled chicken, that's what she usually gets. I've even got her the kids hamburger and break it up for her. Also, tell them she is allergic to eggs and they will make extra sure nothing crosses. Go somewhere that has a table, not booth and each baby can have a high chair. You and Bryan are awesome and could totally do it! With comments, I can see how that would get annoying. When people usually say something to me I just smile or say thank you and keep going. Most of the time it's old people and they don't bother me as much lol. I wonder how they would do in a wagon?
As for the mom's group, most of them are really good about not going when they or a kid are sick. It's acutally a rule in the mom's group I belong to lol. I was supposed to go to a park today, but we both have colds and would feel terrible if someone caught it. Go for the first week and see how it is. Maybe mention that you are nervous about it and maybe they will ease your concerns.
08-26-2011, 02:02 PM
Judy- My post on facebook was basically to say that we have reasons to stay home this RSV season especially since Luke is still so young and we know anytime Mark gets sick he has to use a nebulizer and really struggles. Your girls should be old enough at this point that if there are no other concerns I would try it. If none have shown signs of of lung problems or damage then this would be the year to probably start bringing them out some in the Winter. I think if they did something like the group you are talking about this year and a little more each year until school starts you won't have them sick all the time when they start school because they will have already been exposed to some things. Just my thoughts. It's a hard decision to make because you need the time but you don't want to risk it. I totally get it!
I am sorry that your friends have been that way. I wish I lived nearby!
08-26-2011, 02:37 PM
Ok Judy - Abree and I talked about it and we so want to move to Florida and help you with the girlies. Although if we were to do that everyone may think we were "together" and all of these babies were "ours". :p Maybe then they would not stop and ask so many quesitons, haha.
I really wished that I lived closer as well, i would be there in a heartbeat. Maybe you need to tell your friends how you really feel about feeling all alone and let down by the way that they have treated you. It may not change things but at least you will have stuck up for yourself and gotten if off your chest. Hang in there Mama.
omg Judy, so I read that and totally started looking on Southwest.com to see if there were cheap flights to Jax! lol! sadly, there aren't :( It actually makes me really angry that your friends would do that to you. There really is just no excuse.
I don't really want to comment on the RSV thing since I don't have preemie experience, but I think you need to weigh your sanity with the actual risk. Call and ask about their sick kid policy and feel free to bring a bottle of hand sanitizer and stress that everyone use it in the nursery! lol!
As for dinner...I think you should try. I agree with everything Chelsea said and seriously, don't worry about the mess! Anna doesn't let much food hit the floor, and I try to pick up big chunks if she does. But every time we leave a restaurant I just apologize and they are always nice about it.
Also, have you looked into something like sittercity.com to find a local babysitter? Maybe then you and Bryan could get out once a month or something. A lot of them list if they are experienced with multiples.
We all need to move to one area. I would have no problem watching your girls for you!!
08-26-2011, 03:39 PM
Judy - I totally agree with Tink... join the Mom's group... start going before RSV season really kicks in, then you will get a feel for how the mom's are with sick kids (ours has a sick kid policy, but there is one mom who is ALWAYS bringing kids with green snot pouring out their noses! So if there's someone like that, avoid going when you know she'll be there... or feel free to leave if you see that...) Also, most mom's groups will do a mom's night out... you could at least do that. You could talk with the group organizer and see if they have things like that. We had one mom who kept hand sanitizer around... she was open about being a germaphobe and not shy to ask you to use it (probably not so easy for you... but you can at least try it...) Mom's definitely need time away and your friends without kids absolutely do NOT get it... and you have it times 3!!!! I'm so greatful to live near enough to family... but definitely use any resources at your disposal to find a sitter... 'cause you and Brian need some couple time too! Good luck! Angie's list also has sitter's... there are lots of sitter sites out there now... a lot of college aged girls are on there, but there are older women (some with kids, some without) too. I've seen some grandmotherly types too... but you could get a few names and try a few meet and greets and see if any of them jive with you!
08-26-2011, 03:46 PM
I totally understand what you're going through. I was feeling very "locked in the house" until recently when I decided I was just going to go out and I didn't care if the babies had a melt down and we had to leave. So far so good though. I just went out to get a parents magazine for the amazon code at the bookstore. Unfortunately they were going out of business though so they didn't have any magazines, but I did get some books for %70 off, score! While I was there for maybe 10 minutes I got 1 comment and several looks or whispers. Then I decided to risk it and go to Target to see if they had it and to return some baby pants. While I was there though the babies fell asleep and I blissfully spent like 45 minutes shopping around. I got a handful of comments there and several looks and whispers too. There's nothing like hearing "twins" said from down the aisle to make you feel like you're on display. I can only imagine what it's like when you've got three.
I have what I call my bailout plan whenever I go out. If I'm somewhere and the babies scream I'm just going to drop everything and leave. If they scream once they get to the car, no big deal, as a mother of multiples you've certainly heard that before. lol
So here's a thought. If you have some time when DH is home and you could go run errands go do it and take 1 baby. It'll give you some time out, it'll give you quality time with just that baby and even though you're lightening the load for DH you'll feel like you're totally free. Seriously having 1 baby with you when you're used to more is like a vacation. You could even go out to eat and just take one baby. Then they'd have experience at a restuarant and you could enjoy a break from the house.
As far as your friends that sucks! I'm sure there's many different reasons. I'm sure they don't like the chaos, I'm sure they don't like having to do things a certain way to deal with multiple babies, but I've also noticed that it can make them feel a little uncomfortable. When we went out with my sister and her baby everyone commented on the twins and talked to them. At one point my sister said no one even noticed her baby. I know she wasn't being crappy, but I could see how that would hurt her feelings is her baby isn't given any attention.
Are you in a mom's of multiples group? I'm thinking about joining one. I've heard they're nice. I think they meet like once a month without the kids. That would be a way for you to get some alone time and meet other moms in your situation.
Anyways I hope you feel better and don't worry it will get better. I tell myself all the time....this isn't forever!
Judy, I agree, you need to get out of the house!!! Don't be afraid to go to a restaurant. Just try to avoid peak hours (go for a late lunch or early dinner), bring lots of snacks to keep the girls entertained while the food arrives (that also helps if you don't know if they'll eat what is available), and don't care too much about the mess! I know some grown ups who are messier than any toddler! Lol
I go for lunch with Paul and Sam every Wednesday. We go after swim class with some of my moms group friends. We usually have 3-5 toddlers plus 2-3 babies and we enter the restaurant with all our bags, infant car seats for the babies, coolers with placemats, bibs, plates, utensils, snacks, drinks for the toddlers, so we certainly get some stares! Lol but it's so worth it to have a meal with other people! We usually go to places like Fuddruckers, BJ's, Applebees, Berry Hill... Places that are already pretty loud so we won't bother anyone. We sit at a table and get high chairs for all the toddlers (you may want to call ahead to be sure they hace enough high chairs. We try to order fast (it helps if you already checked the menu online) and give the kids snacks while they wait. I'm not going to tell you that you'll be able to take all your sweet time to eat, like before you had kids!, but still it will be worth it!
And about your friends... I'm sorry but they suck!!! :( I wish we lived closer too...
08-26-2011, 04:31 PM
Thanks girls!!! I really do wish we all lived closer. I love you all and would have gone insane a long time ago with y'all!! and Darlin- LOL!
I actually have told my friends on more than one occasion. They're just so caught up in their own lives I guess. They're constantly breaking plans with me which bothers me more than it normally would have because I get my hopes up so high that I'm actually going to get to go out and have a good time. Today was just the straw that broke the camel's back....a friend had invited me to go to a concert of one of my favorite bands. Me and Bryan were going to go, but then we found out it's on a week night and Bryan can't be out late when he has to work the next day. Anyway, she told me she'd let me know when she had the money to buy a ticket and we'd all buy our tickets together...well I saw on facebook where her and another friend bought their tickets yesterday and she didn't even tell me.
The moms group thing is actually a bible study type thing...so they'd be going into the church nursery from 9-1 on Tuesdays. I think I'm just going to do it. I'll make sure to speak with the nursery workers about my fears and ask them to let me know if any kids seem sick. I guess it's better to expose them to germs now anyway. Teagan is the only one who has ever had a cold and even that was very mild and lasted for 2 days.
I am a member of a multiples club. Unfortunately their meetings are at 7pm and I'd have to leave right in the middle of the dinner/bath chaos to get there. They do have MNO's but rarely. And our zone captain for where we live now sucks with setting up play dates. We do have a new president now so I'm hoping she'll get things going again. When we first joined they seemed like they had their stuff together and then it just kind of tapered off. I also met a triplet mom on Triplet Connection from Texas that is moving to Jacksonville next month. She has 20 month old triplet boys so we're going to make plans once she gets settled in.
08-26-2011, 05:29 PM
I'm going to find you some mom groups that are fun, darn it! LOL
http://www.meetup.com/social-moms-of-jacksonville/. Um, they have 76 upcoming meetups!
I just have to throw this one out because it made me laugh, lol. http://www.meetup.com/Women-who-want-to-pole-dance/
08-26-2011, 06:10 PM
Chelsea, you rock! And LMAO at the pole dancing hahaha!! Of course Bryan suggested that be the first group I join lol. Hey it could lead to a career too!
08-27-2011, 03:20 AM
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your friends really do sound like a bunch of self-centered people. I'm sure it doesn't help that I agree, but I'm glad you can at least share your feelings. :)
I feel the same way about my friends, although it is a bit different since I am not a SAHM and I do get to see and converse with adults while I'm at work. Still, it drives me crazy when I ask my friends over to come see me and Jonathan and they say "I have things to do, why don't you come to my place?" or "I can't make it before 8 PM". I feel like they never make any effort to meet me halfway but expect me to continue making an effort for their events/social things.
I think that people who don't have kids just don't get it. Heck, I might have been exactly like them before I had J (I don't know, since I don't have any mommy friends, but maybe if I did I'd be just as bad?). Only after I had him, I realized just how lonely you can get with a baby at home (and how crazy) and that's when I became much closer to a girl from work who had also just given birth two weeks before me (at home, b/c she didn't get to the hospital on time - but that's another story). She took her 4 week old baby and drove 30 minutes to come visit me and J when he was 2 weeks old, b/c she understood exactly how horrible it is to be alone with no adult company. My other friends - all childless and totally carefree - didn't even make the tiniest effort to come. Anyway, I totally digressed. My point is that until you're a mom yourself, you just don't get how much it's important for moms to get out. I imagine that being a mom of multiples is multiply hard (:) sorry for the pun)....
Oh, how I wish I lived in the States so I could meet up with you guys and get to see all your gorgeous babies...
I have a friend who's 7 month pg right now and I am debating with myself whether or not I should be like she was (a no-show) when she gives birth...? Ahhh, I'm such a *itch. :)
08-27-2011, 02:22 PM
Ok here goes from an "older mom" with an "older child" along with a one yr old. Mostly of what has happened and my observations of how it went with my dh and I.
Life sorta has "cycles" to it. When your young and single your friends are normally the same. Then you transition to couples with still a few single friends. After having children even that changes to mostly other "family" type friends, those with children or are expecting. When you're kiddos are younger you sorta have to do the work in making playdates, joining a mommies group, mother's day out. Making time for dh and you, this never changes no matter how old the kiddos get. As your kiddos get older they become involved with school, sports, you know other types of functions. You tend to have alot of friends and involvement with the other parents with kids in these. Hopefully you and your close friend from H.S. or College are still friends, but maybe not as close as you once were. Even though I'm not there yet, I would presume when I'm grandma my friends will be in the same boat and we'll be showing off the new pictures of our grandchildren!!
Judy, I feel for you. Dh and you work out of one car, right? Have you and dh thought about maybe getting a second car? Doesn't need to be new or even expensive, maybe something dh can drive to and from work and you get the other. That would give you a little bit more mobility. Have you asked (not confront) your friend about the tickets? Maybe it's something as simple as she forgot or didn't realize you wanted to go that badly. I would ask and see what she says and explain to her that even though I have kids I still like to get out and do stuff. That may change things a little bit.
Robyn, you can't do that to her. I mean you can, but you know how being a new mom is. You might be surprised at how appreciative she is and this would open doors for the two of you to do "kid friendly" activities. You know like the girl from work who came to visit with you, you appreciated it alot, didn't you?? I do agree that it sounds as if Judy's friends are a bunch of snots!! I would say adios and find ones who can relate!!
Sorry that this turned into a book, I just hope it helps a little. Don't ever be afraid to try something with the little ones. I know very scary to think about for you Judy!! You live and you learn. Heck, doing something may work this time and next time doing the same thing you may have to throw in the hat.
Hope all of you are doing well otherwise and little ones too!!
08-29-2011, 03:59 PM
Thanks girls! I mentioned something The "concert friend" is actually my niece, but we're more like friends since she's only 9 months younger than me. The sad part is she has a kid. He's 5 now, but when he was a baby and she was stuck at home all the time, I would drive down to Orlando (a 2 hour drive) to keep her company or help her. I've watched him countless times so she could go out or do whatever she needed. She's just incredibly selfish. I don't know why I expect anything more from her. We don't really have much in common anyway. She's very immature.
My best friend since 4th grade is away at nursing school right now, but when she is here we do usually hang out at least once.
All of my other friends have since moved away or are too involved in their own lives. I've noticed they only call me when they need something. And even that is getting more rare.
Oh well! I sent a request to join the meet up groups that Chelsea found and hoping I can just make some new mommy friends.
Liz- I so wish we could afford a second car right now. We're definitely going to try to get something cheap for Bryan to drive to work when we get our tax return. But money is ridiculously tight. Living on 1 income with 3 babies is a lot harder than I ever imagined. We don't have any luxuries...no cable, just got rid of cell phones (I literally wanted to cry when I canceled my service last week lol), we rarely get take out unless Bryan gets a bonus at work or something, and we're still barely scraping by. I'm thankful to have a roof over my head and food to give my children though and that's all that counts at this point. I can't wait for it to cool off here so I can at least take the babies out and about in the stroller again.
Robyn- I would be having the same debate lol. While I normally like to be the bigger person, I'm finding it harder to do these days!
09-01-2011, 01:00 AM
I really really need to get this out, so please pardon my pity party.
My amazing Great Dane, who isn't even 6 years old just was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma. What I thought was a sprain turned out to be a tumor. We could amputate her leg, but it would only buy her a month or 2 and she would have to learn to carry all 187lbs of herself on 3 legs. We could try chemo but that might only buy her a few more months. We can't afford any of that anyway. So now I have to try and make her as comfortable as possible and watch her die. It sucks so much because she seems totally happy, just with a limp. I just know where this is going and it absolutely breaks my heart. It was a year ago to the day almost that my beloved Leita (kitty) got sick and we lost her 2 weeks after the girls were born. Before the girls my dogs and cats were my babies. I still love them like furry kids. I'm losing 2 in a year along with my house. Aside from my girls 2010/2011 has been the worst 2 years EVER. I don't know what else to say except this really, really, sucks. I wish DH was home and I drank because I could really use a case or 2 of wine about now.
09-01-2011, 01:12 AM
Meagan, I'm so sorry for you guys. I know what it's like to be so attached to a pet. I can imagine how sad you are right now. I hope your girls will be a comfort to you during this horrible time and I hope that your dog (Kali, right?) will be as comfortable as possible and as happy as possible for as long as she can. (((HUGS)))
Meagan, I'm so sorry :( I know how hard it is to lose a furry baby :(. We lost our kitty (he would have been 7 years old in March) at the beginning of December 2010. He was perfectly healthy one day, the next one he was having issues to pee and after two months of being in and out from the vet hospital and a $5000 bill (luckily we had pet insurance), we had to let him go because he was suffering too much. It was horrible and still sometimes when I open my door I expect him to be on the couch :( *hugs*
09-01-2011, 09:19 AM
Meggie- I am so so sorry:( Two years ago we had to put my cat to sleep that I had since I was 4. She was 20 years old and was in bad shape and was suffering really bad. It was the worst thing ever and I still have days that I'm sad:( As silly as it sounds, I was really sad when I found out I was pregnant because that cat was there for me for my first day of kindergarten, jr high, high school, prom, my wedding... It's crazy how attached you get to pets:( They're truly family members!
09-01-2011, 09:57 AM
I can totally relate to your feelings of losing a pet. A little over a year ago our dog who was 5 at the time dropped dead out in the yard while barking at the mailman. I'm sure you feel as I did when you have a young dog like that you expect you'll have lots more time. We absolutely loved that dog and he seriously was the best dog. He never did anything wrong...besides sneaking on the couch occasionally and even that was kind of cute. He'd try to jump off the couch real quick if you were coming in the room and then he'd look at you like "what I wasn't on the couch" never mind the hair all over the couch. DH was seriously devistated even more than me I think because he was home when it happened and he wished he had just gone outside and quieted him from barking or something. We think he either had a heart problem or a seizure and the excitement of the barking pushed him over the edge.
It took us more than a year to get over the loss or at least move on enough to get another dog and even then DH had a really hard time. He was depressed the first several weeks we had the new dog because he felt like we were "cheating" on our old dog. I still I have his ashes on our entertainment center and we have a stocking we put out for him at xmas time. It really was like losing a member of the family and every moment of the day we would think about him whether it be dropping food and thinking "oh I guess I have to clean that up" or at the grocery thinking "I guess I don't need to go down the dog food aisle anymore". I even broke down crying to someone at work after it happened. I know you still have some time left so I'd live it up and really try to enjoy it. I think that's what I would go back and do if our dog hadn't died so unexpectedly.
I understand your feelings about it being a bad year too. The last couple for me have been pretty trying between our dog and my mom dying. Oddly enough a few years ago DH and I used to think we were super lucky that things were going so well because a lot of our friends were struggling with one thing or another. I kept saying at some point the shoe is going to drop for us big time and I think it has now that we've lost our dog and my mom. I almost wish I had their problems now. I'd take financial hardship over losing my mom any day of the week. At least there's a light at the end of the tunnel for that.
I'm sure you'll get through this okay and I'm so sorry to hear about your dog. Feel free to vent or break down I'm sure many of us can understand. Unfortunately pets just don't last as long as we do so losing them is inevitible, knowing that doesn't make it any easier though.
09-03-2011, 10:06 AM
Sorry to respond so late, but (((hugs))) to you Meggie. :( I'm so sorry about your dog. It's really hard to lose a pet. They really are members of the family.
09-06-2011, 01:19 AM
Sorry for changing the subject but I have a weird rant. I feel horrible even thinking about it, so I guess this is the very best place for me to share it.
My best friend (who now lives in Australia) just found out yesterday that she's pregnant. I was the first person she told. She showed me the US pic of the little bean in her belly and that's how I found out. I should start out by saying that I am very happy for her. Here come the "buts"...
For the past year, she's been talking about getting pg over the summer. Turns out, she got pg like 4 weeks after stopping BCP. Yes, she's lucky and I'm happy for her.But did she have to say "I'm so glad it went fast. I really didn't feel like dealing with a long wait"? I mean, it took me over a year to get pg (and heaven knows, I was lucky!).
Despite talking about it for the past year, she's done nothing (I mean *nothing*) to prepare for this! She found out she was pg and is just now going to get a script for prenatals, vit B, iron, folic acid, etc. WTF? I started taking those the minute I knew I wanted to get pg, even though I knew it could take months. She hasn't even had blood tests done for rubella, CMV, toxoplasmosis, STDs, which should have been done months ago! Can you imagine what would happen now if it turned out she had one of those things!?
She and and her DH went on a trip to South America and she drank alcohol for 3 weeks. If you know you're trying to get pg, why would you do that!? I mean, if you want to have fun you can have a drink or two, but why would you go get drunk when you know there's a chance you might get pg? I know that there's a very very small chance of any damage happening from getting drunk a few times during the first weeks, but still.... It's just something I think is weird.
I guess my point is that it feels like the world is unfair (well, duh). There are women who'd give anything and give up anything just to get pregnant; who make it a mission and take it seriously and appreciate it. And there are those who practically get pregnant just from being sneezed at, and they totally take it for granted. She's my friend and I am sincerely happy for her, and I wish her nothing but the best. I just wish she were more sensitive to me and grateful for her good fortune.
Ahhhh, who knows. This might just be me suffering from a very bad baby itch. Can you tell I want a baby again? :) Not ready for one just yet, but definitely thinking about it. I am so happy that have Jonathan. I would go through that entire year and more all over again in a heartbeat just to have him. Also, I imagine that if I were still TTC #1 right now, her news would be a terrible blow.
Sorry for the book and thanks for letting me get my *itchy vent out there!
09-06-2011, 03:54 AM
Robyn I totally feel you there. It drives me nuts when I hear other women talk about planning getting pregnant around various times of year or holidays etc... I know a bunch of people who talk about getting pregnant in the fall so they don't have to be pregnant during the summer. Or getting pregnant in spring so their baby can have a winter birthday. UGH!! I guess I am jealous of their seemingly magical ability to procreate on schedule. I just absolutely hate listening to them talk about it like its a staff meeting.
09-06-2011, 08:12 AM
Lurking here...just want to say I'm sorry about your friends/family not being there for you--that hurts a lot. Some people are just so selfish and have no shame. And sorry about the lost pets. :( last year we had to have DH's cat that he's had since middle school put down because of cancer. She had been on meds for hyperthyroidism for a year and a half and was doing well, but got a tumor in her abdomen that was huge by the time she started showing symptoms (wouldn't eat her treats that had her meds in them and changed her favorite sleeping spot) and it caused spots on her lungs. DH and I stayed with her while they put her down and it was sooo sad. She was such a sweet cat that would cuddle with you. She would come to you when you whistled and even if you fake cried like she was comforting you. Hopefully our other kitty stays healthy since he's only 3. Oddly enough my EDD is the first anniversary of when she died.
09-06-2011, 11:42 AM
I guess I am jealous of their seemingly magical ability to procreate on schedule. I just absolutely hate listening to them talk about it like its a staff meeting.
very well said!!! it is super annoying!
I had a friend who had an oops after HS, and in her 2nd marriage was TTC and couldn't. i didn't feel the least bit sad. (she's divorced again now...)
My Bro and SIL got *just happened* TTC with their first 2. Their 3rd actually took a few months- and low and behold that was horrible for them.... GRRRR!!!
Aundra took over 4 years, and yes Mollie was planned- but we seriously expected it to take years again! We still are shocked at how quickly that happened, but are so grateful. But still- that averages to 2yrs of TTC/girl! It really does suck when others are so care-free and unsensitive to those of us who go through so much for just one...
09-06-2011, 02:10 PM
Robyn-Totally understand you!!!!! I told only one person that we were going to ttc and it was my 'best friend.' Sure enough that next cycle she got preggo! We're STILL trying now. She has pretty much nothing to do with me anymore. I didn't say anything but she knew I was hurt in the beginning. We have been fine up until recently and I guess her life is just too busy w/ 3 under 3.
09-07-2011, 05:41 AM
Robyn, ((hugs)). That must be hard to hear how blase she is about something that was a big effort for you. I'm really sorry. I hope she isn't saying these things to be hurtful. She probably just doesn't even realize how difficult it is for some women to get pregnant. Have you gently mentioned anything to her? Kudos to you for being genuinely happy for her, though. That shows what a good person you are!
I have more of a confession than a rant, but I feel so awful about it that I need to get it off my chest. One of my best friends just had a baby this morning and I'm having a hard time being happy for her. I was genuinely happy and excited for her throughout her pregnancy, but now that her baby is here, I just feel envy and sadness.
I can't even explain why I feel this way. I think probably because she seems so happy, and I was miserable for the first 4 months or so. I felt no joy when Louisa was born. I didn't even think she was beautiful, and here is my friend glowing in the arrival of her new baby. Of course this is how it's supposed to be, and logically I am happy for her, but I just feel so jealous that my experience was so bad. I hated being a mother for so long. I think PPD robbed me of all the feelings a new mother should have and now I feel horribly jealous of those who enjoy becoming mothers. Even 9.5 months later I still feel this envy. I don't know when or how to get over it, but I know I need to somehow.
I feel so guilty about all of this, but I just wanted to get it out of my system!
09-07-2011, 06:12 AM
I don't think many moms feel anything other than overwhelmed the first several months. I think they're just going through the motions and saying what they're supposed to say. I know I always felt a weird mix of ecstatic, hysterical and sad. To say that I was overjoyed would be a bit exaggerated although I definitely acted that way to most people. I had an easy baby. In fact I've frequently said that I don't know that we should have another bc I doubt we'll get so lucky twice. I think the one thing that stinks about having a baby is that it's hard to really experience everything for the first few months bc of pp crap. I wish dh and I could reverse roles so that I could be clearheaded for the next one. You had a really hard baby and did an amazing job with very little help. I don't know that I could have done it! Don't feel guilty for wishing your experience was different!
09-07-2011, 09:56 AM
Robyn, I can relate to that for sure. It's amazing how careless some people are about it...
mini, maybe you can make an appointment with a counselor to talk about it. I just made an appointment for Friday to discuss depression I have been feeling sine my miscarriage and then ashermans diagnosis. I started to realize that I was still upset about it, but not so much sad as angry. And there are days I don't want to go to work. So I decided to set something up. Insurance requires mental health coverae wheter it is biological based or nonbiological. I feel like I just need to get stuff off my chest, and then of course they are trained for this so any advice or coping strategies they can give are beneficial. Making the call was a big step and then admitting to my husband was even harder. I didn't want him to see me as weak or unhappy with him or DD, because I am not either. I am just angry and don't think I have grieved properly. So maybe taking a dive and just making a phone call to have at least an intake evaluation might be beneficial.
Now for my rant....another MIL issue.
So I planned to go to the drive through African Safari with DD and my sisters (who came to visit from NC), and a friend and her son.... We planned it for 2:30 after the kids naps. Well my MIL called my DH to invite us over for dinner (nice enough) but wanted us there at 4. I figured we could make it by then. It wouldn't take over an hour to do this Safari thing.... Anyhow, it took 2.5 hours! This place was busier than ever. It was like stand still traffic, then of course the animal would be in the road, so you couldn't drive, or the car in front had one eating out of their hand, so they didn't want to move....anyhow. I had called DH (who was over at his moms already) and told him what was going on. Told him to go ahead and eat and we would just eat when we got there, didn't want them to wait on us...
So we get there at 6.....I have a horrible headache from not eating all day and I was starving. So I say hello to everyone and we head for the kitchen. And she follows and is like "Well we already ate. Everything is cold." So I simply tell her that it's okay since we got held up and we could just warm up our food and thanked her for cooking. So then she says "well you knew it was at 4...." So I start to get pissed. I say yes we did. But we had this planned before this dinner. We went and it took longer than expected. It was the busiest day of the year for them, so there was nothing we could do. It's not like you can turn around, once you enter you are stuck. So then she says, "well you could have left earlier to go."
SERIOUSLY?!?!?! Now I am really pissed... So I say "Actually no we couldn't have. Lizzie has to nap. We left right after her nap. We can't predict if other people were going that day too or how busy they are." So she dropped it...
Then I get my food and heat it up...still having a hunger headache and pissed...then she says to me: "aren't you going to feed your daughter first?"
OMG! I did feed my daughter in the care. And do you not see your son standing right there who has already eaten and is perfectly capable of feeding his child?!?!?!
She does stuff like this all the time. It's like she thinks I have to do everything parent oriented and not her son. Like if she is playing with her and notices a wet diaper or something. She'll say "You're wet." So my husand will tell her to change the diaper since she is holding her and she'll say "her mom can do it." HOW ABOUT YOUR SON CAN DO IT!!!!
Ugh she is so flippin rude. Has no concept of social appropriatenss. No manners.
We went to eat the other day and she didn't like her rice. She looked at the waitress and said "this is cold and is terrible." So of course the waitress offers her warm and she says, "no its disguisting." So the waitress offers her something else and she says "no. i just wanted you to know that it is aweful." Come on, what's that gonna do. If you don't like it and don't want something else, don't eat it. The waitress didn't make it and other people in the restaurant like it, so just because you don't you don't have to make the waitress feel bad.
OKAY, I FEEL BETTER NOW!
09-07-2011, 04:20 PM
Mini - I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. :) I had horrible ppd with Nate and didn't realize it until I started to feel better. I don't think I fully realized how bad it had been until Hailey was born. Everything was so different! I felt such joy and happiness when she was born. I actually cried tears of happiness when I held her. I still feel like I got robbed of the "right" experience with Nate. Everything went wrong with him, and I blamed myself, felt like a failure, and truly did not enjoy him. It kills me that we didn't get to bond the way I did with my girls. :( I think Nathan was a good 5 or 6 months old before I really started to enjoy him... He was a difficult baby (still is :p) and I was just worn down and depressed. I so wish things had been different!
On the bright side, it doesn't mean things have to be the same with future babies! :) I had a bit of the blues after Sophie, but nothing too bad, and it didn't interfere with bonding with her. Like with Hailey, I felt overwhelmed with love and just wanted to snuggle her.
Maybe it's something to do with difficult pregnancies/births, or just first born babies? The second time around, you know what you're getting into, lol. ;)
Kari - I'd slap that woman. :p
09-07-2011, 04:37 PM
mini, I can totally relate. I didn't have that instant feeling of happiness when I had Cora. I honestly could have just given her "back"! I have the same feelings of when you see people having babies and crying because they are so happy. I always sit there and wonder if they're being fake lol. I'm really hoping that with #2 I have that instant love. When I talked to my doctor about it she actually told me it was normal to not have those feelings at first. She said once you become a mom it's different, but with the first it can be hard for some women.
kari, Your rant made me so thankful that we do not live near my inlaws!! I couldn't even imagine having to deal with that. Maybe you should get a fake headache every time you're invited and send DH alone!
09-07-2011, 07:37 PM
Not only did i lock my keys in my running car when i picked lizzie up from daycare, but I also tried to park in the front yard to avoid the long walk in the rain.....cmpletely forgetting that my yard was dug up for contruction and had soft loose dirt (plus all day rain = big mud pile). I just whipped it right in and my car sank down about a foot into the med like quicksand! STUCK. But i was determined to get out.....so basically I went mud flinging in my front yard.
I did finally get out.....yard and car are a mess. So then I was the jackass going throughh a carwash in the middle of a rainstorm.
I was so happy to get off work early but the back to back keys and mud incidents put me home at the same time.....blah!
09-07-2011, 08:59 PM
thank you ladies for being so honest about PPD. it is hard to imagine that anyone here would have it since it's not so easy to conceive and have a successful pregnancy--you'd think everyone would be nothing but joyful at the birth. but i know that PPD has a lot to do with hormones (no surprise there since that seems to be the root of a lot of health problems) so i've been planning to be on the lookout for it. i tend to get depressed if i am faced with a period of high anxiety, so that also puts me at risk. i didn't know PPD could start as early as day 1.
i didn't know PPD could start as early as day 1.
not only can it start as early as day 1, but it can start anytime within babes first year
Kari- wow. your day sucked hon! Hope tomorrow is a better day for you!
09-07-2011, 09:13 PM
Praises, i think the most important thing is that women not be hard on themselves and recognising that it is a disorder and obviously no one asks for it....and then getting the help you need. I know the guilt is there, but its truely not in our control....
I had a wonderful experience. I was an emotional mess! I loved her so much, i would just cry all the time...I think I was on an emotional high vs. Low, which can defi itely happen too.
You can have the "normal", the hormanal low of PPD, or the hormonal high of emotional basketcase, so just be accept what you get and do the best you can :)
Tnk, I know.....tomorrow has to be better!
09-08-2011, 02:03 AM
Mini - When my girls were born, I didn't cry. I didn't really do anything. I was just like "well, that was odd". I don't feel like I bonded with them for a long time. Probably not for the first several months. I still struggle with my PPD. Its very up and down, but more up than down fortunately. I absolutely love my girls but I have trouble being the primary care giver. I get overwhelmed and I am exhausted, which doesn't help. I am really envious of that "happy" experience. I have this ridiculous desire to be pregnant again so I can "enjoy" it. I feel like I want a "do over".
Praises - Definitely talk to your doctor about PPD at your next appointment. It's important to have that discussion and get the warning signs ahead of time. It's a good idea to include your SO in the conversation as well. Sometimes women don't recognize they are struggling but their partners do. If you do feel you have PPD, call your doctor right away. I knew I had PPD immediately but I waited until my 6 week PP appointment. I wish I had said something sooner.
It would seem like we would all be over joyed at our miracles from the first second they are here. But so many of struggle. I wonder if having to work so hard to get our LO's has something to do with that?
09-08-2011, 03:30 AM
Mini - I wrote you an email regarding your post... Hope you got it.
Praises - I will hopefully write something later about PPD (I have tons to share about that).
But right now I need to scream............
Just heard from a another friend who started TTC 4 weeks ago. She's pregnant. Seriously?!!? I mean, even for a fertile couple that's just insane luck. It's not that I begrudge her happiness. I just wish it weren't so goddam easy. It makes me feel like that much more of a loser. I think people who get pregnant that easy don't appreciate it... I know that's a generalization and probably not true for everyone, but that's how I feel right now :(
09-08-2011, 03:55 AM
Oh, thank you all so much for your replies. I felt ashamed that I posted my rant, but you all have given such kind, empathetic responses that I wish I could give everyone a big hug!
It's amazing, but you all just "get it". In fact, I think you all might get my issues better than I do! I think you're all right -- I am so sad that I didn't enjoy having my first baby and will never get a "do over". I didn't cry when she was born, at least not tears of joy. In the moments immediately after her birth I felt numb and a bit overwhelmed. I looked at her and my first thought was, "Oh, she's ugly." Ha, how horrible is that?! I remember spending hours in the hospital crying, thinking I had made an awful mistake...and then once she got colicky, I fantasized about throwing her out the window and running away. Worst. mom. ever. Or so I thought. I didn't actually start to bond with her and enjoy her until at least 4 months, probably later. It's getting easier now, but in some ways I feel like I need to work harder to overcome our rough start.
knut, thank you so much for sharing your experience. I'm so sorry you had a hard time with Nate, but I'm happy that things were wonderful with Hailey. It gives me hope! (hugs)
Meggie, I totally get where you're coming from and I can imagine it's even more overwhelming with twins. You're doing so wonderful though. I hope with your second pregnancy you will have the happy experience you want!
chelsea, LOL I always think that people are putting on a show when they say how ecstatic they are! While I was pregnant everyone told me what a wonderful, life changing experience it was, but when Louisa was born I thought it was a load of BS! After having some time to reflect on my friend, I realize that what she is putting out there for everyone might not be how she actually feels. It's not like I posted on facebook about how I thought Lou was the biggest mistake of my life. :p
praises, it sounds like you might be at a higher risk for PPD, so definitely talk to your doctor and watch out for it. I had an easy pregnancy and felt great and happy throughout. Our daughter was very much planned and wanted, so when I felt like I wanted to die after she was born, it was something I wasn't prepared for at all. Throw a colicky baby on top of that, and I almost lost it multiple times. I just didn't think it would happen to me. I don't want to freak you out -- it could very well be that you have a relatively easy time! -- but just keep in mind that it's possible.
kari, ((hugs)) to you. What a horrible day you had! I'm sorry you have been having a hard time after your miscarriage. I hope your appointment on Friday goes well. Good for you for taking the first step and going!
flutter, there are plenty of girls who have two easy babies, so you really might get lucky! lol, I hope I'm not traumatizing you with all my ranting. :p I sometimes think with #2 we have to be a bit more clearheaded, just having the experience from the first one.
Robyn, I did get your e-mail. Thank you! I will be working on a reply, but I have been awful with e-mails lately! I'm so sorry that you're surrounded by all these fertile myrtles. And you are definitely not a loser! It might have taken a little longer for you to have J, but you're doing a great job with him. Maybe #2 will be easier for you. I've heard from plenty of people who had a hard time conceiving #1 that the second was way easier.
I feel sort of guilty that we had such an easy time conceiving Louisa. In some ways I feel like I don't "belong" here because I didn't have a long, difficult road. Maybe my PPD and her colic was a payback for that. And maybe I'll have a ***** of a time with the second...Who knows.
Anyway, sorry for the novel, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone! :)
09-08-2011, 10:42 AM
mini--don't feel bad! i don't believe that is truly how you felt about your daughter--i don't think you can be in your right mind with PPD. i imagine it is like being under the influence of drugs/alcohol because it causes a chemical imbalance that distorts your judgment/thinking. i have not experienced it of course but i do not think bad of you for having those thoughts either. don't think that there is any "payback" because you had an easier time TTC. the level of difficulty of conceiving is not based on what anyone deserves and neither is what kind of baby you have!
i always wondered how andrea yates and others could do such horrible things to their children but apparently there is some kind of PPD called postpartum psychosis that is even worse. it scares me to even think about it!
09-09-2011, 04:37 PM
I don't usually pop in on this thread, but today I decided to read some of it. LOL, I think I belong here!
With depression, I've had issues after having my second daughter and again after having the twins. I'm still on zoloft for anxiety. I've tried to get off of it since I'm pregnant, but I get so anxious when I'm not on it or try to lower my dose. I think all the medical stuff I went through with one of the twins set me over the edge to need the meds because I didn't start zoloft until they were about 6-9 months old I think. I've heard that it can get worse with each pregnancy, so I'll probably be on it for a while!
Judy, going out with twins & being pregnant is so hard for me, so I can imagine having three to chase is so much harder. I used to go out a few times a week, and we always get the stares (even though there is only a pair, not triplets), and now when I go out I get comments about how I must have my hands full since I look so pregnant already. ummm... thanks for the reminder!
Do you have a double stroller? You could use a baby carrier (like an ergo) on your back with one of the babies and put the other two in the stroller. You'd draw less attention. I do that with the twins sometimes and it really helps. DH & I split up the babies to do errands sometimes and it's nice to have some one-on-one time with them (and it's a heck of a lot easier!) :)
I'm sure there was more I was going to comment on, but my pregnancy brain has got the better of me and I can't remember what else I was going to say lol....
Hope everyone has a great weekend. We're having a yard sale tomorrow & I hope it clears out some of my basement!
09-10-2011, 08:45 AM
mini- HUGS!!! i can't add too much. I wasn't the overly estatic kind of new-mom with Aundra but had the instant love/bond with her. Mollie- well that's a story for a new day. It wasn't ppd, and i can say what it was. But I'm not going to! :) I do remember with Aundra I completely broke down into tears twice. Once- we got a cake to celebrate, and the icing was messed up in one spot. Two- we got the "free" birth certificate with footprints from the hospital and they had her name spelled wrong. It was easy things to correct, but they just held so much importance at the moment- that my world was ending! :p so stupid to look at now!
my turn for a completely off subject rant!
So, over a month ago- probably back in June or July we invited dh's mom out for thanksgiving. she said no, she's broke. Fine, we offered. Yesterday dh was on FB and his mom's BFF was online and said that his mom was coming out bc she was giving her money to come out. Oh, really?!?! And why hasn't she told us this yet??? I mean, yes we still have two months and all. But since plan A was a no go, we were thinking of going up to MN to see dh's grandparents. I guess we're scratching that idea. So, thanksgiving is ruined already. blah. And to tickle my fancy- we're sticking to the diet the whole time she's here whether she likes it or not. I already told dh that i was going to have plans (with the girls) at least one day she's here and he's at work, and for sure going black friday shopping- by myself. may take aundra or mollie...
09-10-2011, 12:31 PM
I could just scream right now! I keep meaning to come here and write this in hopes that I will feel better once I get it all out but things have been so busy that I am just getting here.
On Sunday we blessed Luke at church. It's a big deal and we had a lot of friends and family over for the occasion. Dh's sister's family came and they drove my crazy. First I was inside with a few other adults getting ready and Mark was inside too so I could keep an eye on him. He was playing in the roll top desk in our kitchen. I was ok with this because I knew where he was and I knew he would stay there even though I knew there was a chance he could make a mess but I knew there wasn't anything dangerous in there. Well, he found an ink pad and opened it before I could get to him and got a little ink on his hands and on his shirt. Not a big deal, I treated the shirt and washed it right away and the ink came right out and the ink wiped right off of him. Someone said "There are ten adults in here and somehow the two year old still got into something he wasn't supposed to." So SIL said "That's how kids drown at family parties." Sorry but try again...I watch my kids like a hawk or know that dh or my mom or sibling is watching each one like a hawk, especially when we are outside. On the other had SIL lets her 2 year old play outside on his bike alone while she is inside napping and he breaks his arm. Her then two year old is now three and was playing in the street because they were not watching him.
Now my SIL's husband is just over the top in so many ways. My 3 year old nephew got stuck in my garage (because he wasn't being watched) behind some bikes and other things. He asked his dad to get him out and his dad said "NO! You got yourself into this situation, you can get yourself out. This is not my problem, you should have been behaving." He was just trying to get a toy. That poor little boy was stuck there for 20 mins and if anyone tried to help him his dad just yelled and glared at you. He yelled at my mom when she tried to help the poor little guy out. He was scared and crying. My mom finally talked him through getting out and he did eventually get out. At that point I just wanted to tell him to leave. After that he was just constantly yelling at all four of his kids. He didn't set any rules just waited until they were in big trouble and yelled at them and yanked them around. It was heartbreaking to see that theses kids didn't even want to be around their dad.
The last straw that has made me decide they will never be invited to our house again is that everyone was supposed to be outside. We have a 1450 sq ft house which is just fine for us but we had 4 other people staying in our house. My SIL's husband kept walking in my house and every time I would go in for something he was looking through my cabinets or through my medication or through my pantry or in the back of my house in the bedrooms. He was even looking through my friends luggage and meds once. Does anyone else find this creepy because I find it extremely creepy.
While he was in the house once his 7 year old son was inside getting into things and making a mess. I asked him nicely to please go outside about 10 times and was completely ignored every single time. After I asked him multiple times to leave his dad said "You have no right to tell my son what to do!" Well, sorry bud but it's my house and he was getting into my things and I had made it very clear that we needed to be outside because there was too much to get into and because people were staying with use there was stuff everywhere. I asked all the kids to go outside but the rest listened the first or second time so I had to just keep asking my 7 year old nephew because he didn't listen. I was nice every time though. Really his dad should have been outside (I asked him to please go outside since the kids wanted to be inside if he was and he didn't either) and then he might have listened.
Mostly I am super creeped out about him going through my stuff and I have no idea what he was going through when he was in he back of the house.
09-11-2011, 08:41 AM
esarah- that is really creepy. hope he didn't find whatever he might have been looking for... that's just.... creepy. i wouldn't be inviting them again either
09-11-2011, 09:08 AM
VERY CREEPY! I hope you called him out on it! And what a jerk for not helping his child out when he was stuck. I would have helped that child out and glared right back at the jerk and told him "you should be ashamed of yourself." And the children being scared of him and walking on eggs shells because they don't know what they are doing wrong...that is just ridiculous!!! I wouldn't invite them over again and I would tell them why. They need to re-evalute things for sure.
09-12-2011, 09:06 AM
esarah - Totatlly creepy! I would definitely tell them they aren't invited anymore and tell them why. People should know better than to go through somebody's things! And they should know to follow the ground rules of any gathering... if it's outside, then stay outside! (If someone wants to be inside for any reason, they should have permission from the hostess! And have a purpose for being in there... maybe it's hot... maybe there's a specific thing they want to do... but they should have permission.) As for the child getting out... I think your mom did the exact right thing... Part of me can understand that the child needed to get himself out... but if they are really upset, they can't think straight. So calming them down and talking them through it is the exact right thing to do... and that dad should have been the one to do it. The lesson is still learned.
09-12-2011, 10:36 AM
TOTALLY creepy!!! Have they always been like this? It almost sounds like the dad might have a problem. If he was looking through your medication and others who were staying there, that's a huge flag. Did you check to see if you have anything missing? Could also explain the behavior if this is new.
09-12-2011, 11:16 AM
I did call him out on it. He just shrugged it off. My SIL really doesn't like me (she's been bitter ever since dh got married because everyone said she would be the first to get married and everything is a competition to her. Dh is the oldest and then he has a brother just under him and then his sister and they got married in age order to that point). She is still bitter with dh 11.5 years later too so approaching her about it is hard. Of course there is no love lost if we don't invite her and her family to our house. Heck for the longest time they wouldn't come because we have cats and her husband is allergic to cats. They came this time because it was outside and he was inside most of the time. We did tend to go to their house for a lot of thing but I am not going to go to their home either. I am just too creeped out.
None of our meds our missing and I warned the people staying with us as I know she had narcotics sitting out (up high though so the kids couldn't get them so I think he may not have known they were there). I had some lortab (I was in need of a root canal but had to wait the weekend so the dentist called some in) but it's put away where the kids can't find it and it wasn't messed with.
The dad has always been creepy to me but I have never caught him looking through our stuff but I totally could have missed it.
With the kid stuck in the garage, he was very upset but also when my mom went to just get him out the dad yelled at my mom and was very rude. My mom just saw a very distraught three year old and wanted to help him and didn't realize what his dad was doing. I am glad she was able to help him cal down and figure it out but his dad was totally rude.
The dad always spanks his kids (what seems to be very hard) when they wet their pants. Even if they were still in the middle of potty training and when they weren't even 2 years old yet. I worry about the kids because if he is that mean and rough with them when other people are around what does he do when other people are not around and SIL says stuff that makes me wonder like "It's a good thing he didn't say/do that when "J" is around" or "you better not say anything like that around dad". It's just weird. He's just so angry all of the time and seems to be bitter about life in general. Even my MIL is concerned and wonders about him. She's never cared for him.
Thanks for listening. There is nowhere else I can talk about this but it was really bothering me.
09-12-2011, 01:35 PM
i agree with everyone else... super creepy!!! I don't even like catching my nephew snooping around my house and he's only 11. Some people are just weird. Maybe he does have a drug problem if he can't control his anger even when other people are around. Erratic behavior like that is definitely red-flag for an addict.
09-12-2011, 02:45 PM
esarah - I will add that my DH is super-strict with our kids... and probably more so when we are at a "function"... he expects them to behave in a certain way. They do know what the rules are, but they are kids and excited at a family function. My DH yells at our kids a lot... to a point that it makes my mother and even my grandfather uncomfortable. I'm actually going to have to talk with him about it before we go to another family function. Either that or my grandpa and/or mom will... My DH actually feels that is his role as the father. And he trully believes he is doing right by our kids. We have argued about it before... but that is his parenting style. Right now... he still has a good relationship with our kids and it's my job to make sure that he doesn't cross a line that will make the kids permanently resent and hate him... But I am definitely dancing along a fine line between trying to respect my husband and protect my children... sounds like your SIL is dancing the same line... I feel for her... it's difficult.
09-12-2011, 03:11 PM
Sku- My dh is like that to an extent. He want's to make sure they are behaving while we are among other people and he also wants to make sure they are safe and sometimes that comes across as too strict. I know my mom thinks he is too strict sometimes and I have had to talk to him about it.
My dh is constantly watching my kids when we are at get together's and making sure they are behaving. BIL is different as in he doesn't watch them at all so once they are in trouble he just screams and spanks them and puts them down. Their kids have very little self esteem and get in trouble to get attention a lot. My SIL whenever he is not around is talking about this and that and tries not to make him sound bad but it's always, he won't allow the kids to do this or he doesn't want me doing that. He's controlling with her as well. I feel bad for her for a number of reasons. I do think there is something strange going on there and I think it's almost all if not all him and I feel bad for her as well as worry about her and the kids. Maybe I am just reading it all wrong but something seems strange and I kind of just let it go and gave him the benefit of the doubt until now (they have been married ten years this month) but this last experience with him snooping around my house and the way he was treating his kids and wife just makes me upset.
09-12-2011, 04:23 PM
sku--butting in here...your DH is probably not this bad, but it's true, my dad was super strict with me and my brother and we don't really have a relationship now (never did when we were young either) although it is cordial. we moved out when we were in college (actually it was while he was on a business trip since that was the only way we could get out with our stuff). we reconciled after that, then my parents moved out of state after i got married, so we don't see each other often. my mom was the lenient one and stuck up for us growing up, so that was something my parents always fought about. my mom HAD to make up for my dad's strictness or else we'd never have been able to do anything. she let us be normal kids when he was not around, otherwise everyone walked on eggshells since any little thing could make him snap. we were always grounded for the stupidest things, and i believe it was just so that my dad could control us and keep us locked down. everyone dreaded report card time because you would not hear the end of it if you did not get straight As and usually you would be grounded till the next report card. my poor brother got the worst of it because he was a "rebellious" child since he was little. one time my dad made him sleep in the garage on a mattress when he was a kid! and of course my dad was a spanker and would leave bruises. my dad had no patience at all--i really don't think he's good with kids and i have no idea why he had kids since they seemed to stress him out. he treated us more like responsibilities than actual people with feelings. i remember him saying one time that he would not compromise his principles (and enforcing rules) even if it meant not having a relationship with us. i love my dad and with God's help i've been able to realize that he was a control freak and wanted the best for us but had no flippin idea how to be a parent. like i said, your DH is probably nowhere near that, but i truly believe that yelling at kids (or your spouse) a lot can do damage to a kid. it creates anxiety and fear. there is a difference between that and making sure your kids respect you and behave. good for you to be concerned about their relationship. i have had to give up the idea of ever being close to my dad because it will never happen.
09-15-2011, 11:27 PM
Sorry for any spelling errors bc I'm on my phone
I'm going to shoot my SIL so look for me on the evening news tomorrow! (not really. I don't even know how to work a gun) I keep K every other week for $75 a week. On top of that I also have to work weekends if it's my week. Well this week i only had her for 3 days. If she were in regular daycare she would have to pay for the whole week. I called my moms house the over night and SIL tells me shes only paying me 40 since I only had her 3 days bc she's off thursday-sunday. I was shocked and pissed at first so I just agreed at first. I can be a mega b!tch when I'm mad so I wanted to talk to my mom about it before I blew up on SIL. I wrote a nice note saying that if she wanted to pay me by the day it would be $20/day or $75/week. And I put it on top in her diaper bag so she would see it. I'll be damned if that ***** didn't hand me 40 bucks this morning!! In order not to ruin the whole day we had planned I let it slide but she's going to catch an ear full about it.
So then there is a lady on fb doing $20 mini photo sessions tomorrow. I suggested we get the kids pics done together. She agrees. Now we have to get outfits that kinda go together. I'm thinking something green,yellow, orange, red or brown. Gender neutral. We went to every store in our ****ty mall and could no agree on anything! She wanted to put K in white and pink so V could just wear white. Umm no thank you! She doesn't want K wearing just white bc she makes a mess with her formula. She doesn't want to buy anything brown. She refuses to do anything in overralls. So then she pics out a black and pink outfit with a pink tutu that says daddy's girl. Everything V has that's black has skulls on it. On top of that they are freaking cousins!! Ugh! So out local highschool team is the bulldogs and their colors are black and gold/yellow. I suggest looking for a jersey and cheer outfit. "Kennedy isn't a bulldog. She's a baby." Are you freaking kidding me?! So now my relaxation day tomorrow has turned into a headache. We have to go to BRU to look for outfits.
Look for me on the news tomorrow =] I'm also on the market for a new SIL if anyone knows of some low maintenance girls. Why my brother had to pick a girl that is 5 yrs younger than him is beyond me. Now I remember why teenagers work my last nerve.
Tiff- sorry. It definitely gets tricky when watching someone else's kids. I used to watch my friend's two kids. It only last 6 months because I couldn't take it anymore.
Ok...my turn. A little over a month ago I called and scheduled my obgyn annual exam. I knew I was due the first week of Oct and they fill up really fast, so I call early. Anyway, I scheduled it for Oct 7 in the later afternoon. My parents are out of town that week so I asked dh if he could come home from work early that day so I don't have to drag the kids along. He said that was fine and put it on his calendar. He just forwarded me an email from his boss that said they may be scheduling an out of town trip and they are aiming for the 7th. Dh says "sorry".
Ummmm. ok. I had him put this on his schedule 5 weeks ago. Why the h*ll can't he tell his boss, "I'm out of the office that day, lets schedule it for another time". He has a great relationship with this particular boss, so I know it would be no biggie. But NO. He just says ok and makes me change all my sh*t around. Now I'm going to have to wait until who knows when to get into my dr.
I try really, really hard to tolerate his work schedule and not complain about it. Thanks to this job I am able to stay home with my kids and I am thankful that he has a job in this economy. But man! This whole month he's been working until almost 9pm every night but 1. He hasn't even seen Anna since she went to bed on Sunday. I am at my wits end lately.
09-21-2011, 03:57 AM
Tink, I am so sorry. (((hugs))) What a PITA. I swear I could have written that post myself. That kind of stuff happens in our household all the time. Sometimes I think the DHs just don't get how tough it is to juggle all the different schedules (and I can't even imagine how much harder it is with two kids!). And they certainly don't understand that maybe sometimes we look forward to time by ourselves, even if it is a doctor's appointment! :p
Hope your husband's work schedule calms down again soon and you're able to reschedule your appointment without much hassle. I think your DH owes you a freebie for the inconvenience...maybe he can come home from work early so you can do something for yourself that doesn't involve your feet in stirrups!
09-21-2011, 08:00 AM
mini- had to laugh at your last few words there! so true though!! :)
tink- ugh!!! didn't this happen with an appt just the other month!?!? i can't believe how many hours your dh is putting in. i would find it so hard- and i'm sure there are days for you where it's worse than "so hard" *hugs* give me a call anytime you need to vent...
09-21-2011, 08:26 AM
Kiersten... since the trip isn't scheduled yet, can you wait to postpone your appt? And talk to DH about it... that's not OK. He probably thought "No big deal, she'll just reschedule" not realizing that it probably means it will be at least a month before you can get back in... guys don't realize how difficult those appts are to come by.
Tiff - Sorry she's a royal pain. I would just tell her that you'll just get V's pics taken by himself. Then when she's all, "Why?" You can straight up tell her that she's ridiculous to coordinate an outfit with! (Though admittedly, it really is challenging to get a boy and girl outfit that looks ok... as a mom of boy/girl twins let me recommend a few things... find a pink stripe and a blue stripe.. or some other coordinating print... Or you can find the little girl a blue jean romper dress and put a pink shirt under and you can put V in overalls with a blue shirt under... they can coordinate without being the same color... or see if you can find something Christmas'y... red and green are gender neutral and generally you can find very cute and feminine girl stuff while also finding something nice for a boy... several of my kids' pics Leah is wearing pink and Jacob blue... and they are still adorable together!) :D
09-22-2011, 04:53 AM
Double rant. Just a warning, its epically long.
Tink and Mini - I totally know where you're coming from. My work schedule is 2 days a week. They are long, really long days, but its always the same 2 days. DH, he has NO schedule. He still has no regular job so if he gets work its random. Everything about it is random, time, days, everything. Then he travels for work too. Not just like a week. Several weeks. This fall he is looking at being gone for at least 4 weeks, possibly 8-10 weeks. So that will leave me by myself, completely with both girls. I get it, he needs to work and this is what he does for a living ok. It wouldn't be so bad if he didn't whine like a little girl all the flipping time about what he "needs" to do. I have been with the girls all week since hes working this week, no biggie. I take them with me shopping, to the vet, wherever. I get my errands done. I ask him if he is working next week because I need to schedule an appointment, just 1 appointment. I might be gone for a few hours. He says hes not working, but... and starts rattling off all these things he needs to do. All of which involve a computer, maybe a few phone calls. All of which can be done throughout the whole WEEK and even after the girls are sleeping or while they are napping, or playing, ANY TIME. Apparently my scheduling 1 appointment for a few hours is a huge inconvenience. He is a good dad and he does take on the primary care giver role on the weekends since I'm working. But lately he's been either going to his moms or having her come over here while I'm sleeping so she can watch them while he does whatever. I don't have that luxury and the girls aren't so difficult he should need help. Not to mention he hardly works at all and this is 3.5 days of work in like the last 3 weeks. He has the entire week to run errands so thats not an excuse to need a babysitter. Maybe its hormones, or I'm hungry or something. But I am so sick of the whining and this expectation that I should be the one to watch them ALL.THE.TIME. and work 13-15hrs night shifts on the weekends. Never mind that I have migraines every day, and can't sleep at night half the time and my back is KILLING me.
I absolutely love my girls and I love being home with them and spending time with them. But a little help when we are both home would be nice. I don't expect him to shirk his responsibilities to his clients. But I don't appreciate him shirking his responsibilities to his family. Especially using work as an excuse. I was at work from 7pm to 1030am last week, and I still brought home breakfast and played with the girls and helped DH before I went to bed at noon!!
My birthday was the 12th. I wasn't looking forward to the birthday because it was my 30th, but I was hoping I would get maybe a little more acknowledgement than I did. My parents were super awesome and got me a present and a pie. But DH, barely did anything. He said happy birthday and he made dinner. But that was pretty much it. He let me sleep in but that wasn't anything special. He usually lets me sleep later since I get the girls at night. No flowers, no card, nothing from the girls. Pretty much nothing to show he appreciates me. He did the same thing Mother's day. I know I read more into things lately than I should, and this totally bugged me. I probably should have asked for things or been more specific. But I don't feel like I should have to spell it out for him that he needs to do that stuff.
Ok rant over. I'm going to take out my frustrations on a left over burrito and go to bed. Have a good night/day ladies.
Meggie- sorry dh didn't do anything for your bday. Mine usually doesn't do much either.
So I waited to cancel the appt until I had confirmation that dh was indeed going to be out of town. I called this morning to reschedule....NOV 11!! The next available it over a month later then the appt I had. I didn't realize the reason they are going out of town is to present to some potential new clients, so I can see why dh can't change it. It just sucks. I know he's not overly happy at work right now and that he's totally over-worked, but I feel like I'm over-worked too! I feel like dh is just here to eat and sleep and that's it! Then he tries to put the moves on me and I get annoyed. It almost feels like a booty call since I don't see him any other time! lol!
09-26-2011, 02:35 PM
Meggie - I think it's a guy thing...my DH is exactly as you've described...even the bday thing.
Tink - I get the booty call thing...DH works 14 hr days 5 days a week, and for the next 12 straight (yipee) and then he comes home and wants to get it on...ugh...
09-26-2011, 04:40 PM
Meggie - I have learned that men are dense on holidays... I totally tell my DH exactly what I want to make sure I have a good day. He's great at following my wishes! It sucks that we have to do that, but if I do, I'm never disappointed... As for the appt... I would have it out. Make the appt and tell them he needs to deal with it.
Tink - That sucks... speaking of... I should call for my appt which will be in February... I can't remember if they open the schedule 6 months in advance or 3 though... hmmmm... still worth a call if I remember.
09-27-2011, 02:38 AM
Tink - UGH, I hate trying to schedule appointments with OB/GYN. Takes FOREVER to get in.
10-13-2011, 05:21 PM
More of an apology letter then rant.
Dear Lucy and Lola,
I am sorry I have no patience lately. I can't sleep at night, and I am extremely uncomfortable. Yelling is what I do best right now, and your crayons and crafts have taken a back seat to your favorite DVD's. Although it will probably get a little worse before it gets better, I will be back to being the best mom I can to you girls.
Here is my rant.
Dear mom of the boy I babysit. PLEASE be on time when dropping off and picking up your child. I have other things to do besides sit and watch the clock for you. You were a half hour late today...and I have HAD IT. How can you be late EVERY SINGLE DAY!??????
10-13-2011, 05:41 PM
Oh my Shelley! I really think you have no reason to apologize to your daughters, even though I know how you're feeling...how you're even coping right now is beyond me...30w along, two young girls and babysitting a little boy?!? Wow!
As far as the lil boy goes....you need to tell his Mom that showing up late is unacceptable and that you are going to start charging her for every minute she is late (unless you already are) and that if she is going to be late, that she needs to phone you ahead to 1) give you a heads up, and 2) see if it's okay, if it's optional for her. I've sent my lil girl to the same daycare since she was 10mo and still to this day, I phone my daycare lady ahead of time and rush to make it on time, and we've become friends over the years. It's only courteous to keep her and her own children and activities in mind. Have you talked to her?
Good luck and let the DVD play...DD still watches more TV than I care to admit, but I just can't play with her ALLl the time...
10-13-2011, 05:51 PM
Shelly -- I agree...it gets hard at the end, and you have your hands full. I let Katelyn watch more tv, and play on my computer more the last 3-4 months (2 months with Ginny, and 2 months at end of pregnancy). she is no worse for the wear of it. :) The girls will survive, and you will to!
10-13-2011, 08:02 PM
Thanks girls!! I know we will get through this, it's just tough right now!! A little benefit is we are off to get ice cream tonight, to make up for some of the time we haven't been around for them. YUMMM! :)
10-15-2011, 10:11 PM
Ok so this is going to be long I think... It has been building for awhile and I am just to a boiling point.
So the basic back story (long and short of it)... my hubs has been diagnosed with PTSD that is combat related as well as CPTSD (Complex) from childhood trauma. The childhood trauma are things his step father did to him.. physical, emotional and sexual abuses. He is coping SO well now that we have come to the bottom of the original issues. And I am SOO very proud of him. Our marriage was getting very dark and very scary for a little bit. We almost didn't make it through the storm, but thankfully we both held on and it is starting to pay off as he heals from all this.
Now part of the healing was addressing his mother on the issue. She had come for a visit to see Tristan sometime in August. The night before she was going to leave, he had been sitting outside trying to talk to her and she just upped and walked inside before he even got the words out. Said she had to use the bathroom. She never went back outside and my husband sat out there for about 2 hours waiting and thinking. So after talking to him I all but forced her to go outside. I still think she knew what was coming.
While they were outside for almost 3 hours talking, I was taking care of her 4 year old son. Every so often I peeked my head out to see if they needed anything and I did catch some of the convo. I knew what it was about already. Convo ended and he asked her to stay another day so he would be home to say goodbye. She did, they left and the thing that floored me in the next few weeks is she acted... like.. she.. knew.. NOTHING!!
I'm sorry, but if your adult child just came to you and said your husband had been beating and sexually abusing him/her, would YOU go home to them, crawl into bed and act as if NOTHING happened? Ok maybe the first day if you are working on a plan to bury the @#$%$#, but not for months to follow, right? Or am -I- the crazy one here?
Fast forward to the beginning of October... Hubs and I talked at length about a few things, one of those being taking away any access to our children, current or future. My reasoning is simple. I do not hate much, but I do hate child abusers... Not fond of those who abuse adults either, but I figure as an adult you can make your own decisions. A child can NOT. I am so passionate about this distaste for such "persons" that it makes my blood boil and makes me want to harm someone. Now I -never- would, that would simply bring me down to that level, but oooooh yea.. you know what I mean! Anyway, my line of thinking is I do not want our children around sexual predators, abusers nor the people who support them! Hubs agreed and is finding closure on the entire situation.
So I wrote a lengthy, strongly worded letter (not mean!) outlining how I felt about the situation and what I expected. All I asked is that she start making provisions to leave him... Because she has a...4...year...old (well five now) and who KNOWS if he will do the same to him!! Now I get that its a bit much to ask for, but I cannot, in my good conscious allow people like that anywhere near my kids.. sorry, not gonna happen... if I know about it, no way!
After she read the letter she comes at me with... and I quote "What abuse? I don't know anything about any abuse?" Um,,, excuse me?! Have you suddenly bumped your head and gotten amnesia? I KNOW she knows because I heard hubs telling her!! But I played the I didn't know defense and listed a few instances that I did know about... Her response again? (More quotes) "Oh, I was there when that happened, and I thought he was just joking"...
Color me dumbfounded!! So now I am the worst person he could have ever married, I apparently have always judged her and I have been trying to drive a wedge between the two of them even before we married. Right... so all those times I tried to get him to call his mom and start mending the relationship were just me driving in that wedge even deeper. Sure...
Bleh... Hubs has written out, in rather graphic detail, what happened to him as part of his therapy. I have asked him to send it to her for the reasons that maybe she is one of those types that needs in your face, unforgiving words slapped across her cheek. He did it nicely once... I even tried to explain it. Apparently it didn't happen. He is considering it, but I am not so sure he will send it. Which really, doesn't matter in the end.
So now that I am pregnant again, she has started being all super sugar sweet to me as if that is going to change a damn thing. She has NO idea how serious I am. I truly think that she thinks I'm kidding when I say ZERO contact. I mean, I hate doing that to my children because honestly, she is a neat and smart lady and I've told her that a million or more times, but I cannot in my right mind allow my kids to have any sort of contact with a dangerous person, even by proxy...
Whew.. that was a lot, but I already feel better getting it off my chest. I don't want to go all psycho hormonal on hubs over this because in all honesty, these are his wounds, not mine. I just want to help him heal and get him back to a healthy mental state, which he is finally getting. And he agrees with me on taking access to our kids away. We have even looked up grandparents rights in both states and they wouldn't have a leg to stand on in this situation.. in either state. So that helps a bit too.
I am hoping she comes to her senses before the end of this month... but she is so like an ostrich she has feathers coming from her rear end!
Thanks for reading... I know its a lot... just getting it out has already helped tons... :)
10-15-2011, 10:24 PM
Jillian -- oh my!!! I can't even imagine. But I agree with you 100%, I wouldn't want my kids anywhere near a person with a history of abuse, ESP with a person who won't do anything about it! I would be worried about DH's half brother as well, and would be so concerned I would ask to contemplate submitting something to CPS because who knows.....and could he live guilt free knowing he could have stopped it from happening to another child, his brother?
10-15-2011, 10:34 PM
QueenFroggie - Thanks for the support!! And we have talked about that too, but hubs doesn't think he will do anything to his little brother because he believes that he is actually his... (and isn't... but that is another issue all together). And he didn't do anything to hubs until he was closer to a teenager. There was only ever one call made when hubs was going through all this and so much time has passed since that last call, he said that he thinks the case is closed and they wouldn't do anything now because he hasn't "offended"... (the last CPS call when hubs was a kid they had no findings... which is utter bs).
I guess I am just ticked off not only because she is risking another child, but because she is invalidating that it even happened. And here we are, trying to mop up this mess without doing more damage and she pretends that its all good. Just kills me because I know he is a bit jealous that my mother and I have a close relationship and he -wants- that. So my mom is taking it upon herself to at least give him a sense of belonging and that someone other than his wife and son give a damn about him. And that is helping too.
10-15-2011, 10:47 PM
Jillian -- ugh :( I agree, I don't see why she is ignoring it...it is probably some sort of self defense so she doesn't have to deal with it emotionally herself. I will say, that my Dh actually has a closer relationship with my mom than his own, and feels like one of my mom's kids instead of just an inlaw. It has helped him heal a lot too through some issues of anger and things he has towards his mom, because he has such a good relationship with mine, and same as yours the validation that he is loved by a mother figure and not just his wife.
10-15-2011, 11:13 PM
Jillian - My good friend's son was sexually abused by her mom's husband (the step-grandpa) when he was 3. My friend went to her mom and let her know what had happened. The mom totally denies that anything happened. It has been almost 6 years and she still acts like nothing happened. My friend won't let any of her children near the step-grandpa. They are only allowed in grandma's house if the husband is gone. My friend is treated poorly by her mom a lot of the time because of the choice she has made and it hurts sometimes but she takes comfort knowing that her kids are safe. In the end you just have to take care of your precious kids. I'm sorry that you're going through this and that your dh has to deal with these issues.
Oh and my friend's sister was abused by a cousin growing up and their mom denied that too. Some people just live in a constant state of denial. It must just be easier for them.
10-15-2011, 11:25 PM
Jillian-so sorry about your DH. He has been through so much. I agree there should be strict boundaries. You just can't risk this abuse being repeated! I would feel crushed if I confided in someone about being abused and they just brushed it off! Pouring salt on a wound!
10-16-2011, 02:00 PM
Jillian - Wow... so sorry you and your DH are going through this. I can't really comprehend his mom... How you could choose an abusive spouse over your child is beyond me. I would say though that if your DH isn't willing to talk with his mom again about it, you're stuck. If she continues to live in denial, you just need to decide if she is doing anything that will harm your children... and move from there. It definitely sounds like she is not willing to leave her husband. Then you just need to stick by your guns. I hope your DH continues to heal even without the full support of his mom...
10-16-2011, 03:00 PM
Jillian - I am so sorry that your husband had to go through abuse as a child/teenager. I too was abused as a child/teenager and family members still ac to this day as if it never happened. Well guess what it did!!! You and your Mom are such awesome women for being their for DH when his mom failed him. I wished I had your kind of support. Keep your children safe, always take them seriuosly and don't worry about what anyone else thinks about your decision!
10-16-2011, 03:16 PM
Jillian, I think what you are doing is perfectly right. If she thinks you are trying to drive a wedge, then maybe you just need to lay it out for her....
Tell her that yes, it did happen and this isn't just some joke or something to brush off. Her son is in therapy for this and if she is going to act like it isn't a big deal, then she is obviously living in denial so that she can pretend like there is nothing wrong in her life, then she is selfish and obviously doesn't care for her son. Her son being abused isn't something to take lightly and she needs to get her head straight if she has another child at home.
Also, explain to her that although she wasn't the one who did it, her living in denial and acting like nothing happened is a red flag and makes her a possible threat/danger as well. She may not have protected her children, but you will protect yours!
I was abused by my neighbors step-dad and now that I think about it, I am sure she was getting abused as well. If they have those tendencies, I don't think selection is a big deal.... Plus, children don't talk about it...for whatever reasons. Mine was, if I told - I wouldn't be able to go play at my friends house anymore... sounds silly now, but that is the mind of a child.
You all may never know if something is going on with his siblings... and of course I would never leave your children with either of them.
God Bless your mother for taking on that role, that is a good person. I will pray for your DH and hope that your MIL can open up to reality, stop being selfish, and stand up for her child and grandchildren.
10-16-2011, 04:42 PM
Jillian - I'm so glad that you and DH are working through all of these tough emotions. I 100% agree with your decision to keep your children away from abusers (directly and indirectly). I also have to wonder if your MIL is being abused herself and finding it easier to just deny everything rather than face the facts. I can't imagine ever staying in a relationship like that or even staying married to a man that hurt my child in any way. I hope you find peace in your decision and hopefully one day, your MIL will see the pain her son has been going through and leave her abusive husband.
10-16-2011, 05:30 PM
Thank you so much ladies for all of your support. Hubs has been a little touchy lately about the entire issue and I fully understand why. They are doing some major work in therapy. He is doing very well, despite that, though. As for my MIL... She has been trying to FB war with me, which is mildly amusing. She will get the hint when she can't get to our kids ever again. I am still pretty set about that and the only thing that will change it is if she divorces him... not wait for him to die (which is honestly what she is doing)...
I thank every one of you for all of the support and amazing words of encouragement on this. I know some of you have said you have also been abused and I only hope that you can also find support and healing.
10-17-2011, 07:59 PM
My dad (yes dad) just had their baby. First, his girlfriend is younger than me and already has 2 other children by 2 different dads.....this child makes the 3rd different dad.
This was like rubbing salt in a wound for my sister who is 30 and TTC for 5 years that cant afford IVf which is her only option left. Her 52 year old father just had a baby....seriously???
Anyhow, his girlfriend has a 6 and 3 year old who have no winter clothes, the 6 year old only has 4T underwear. They smoke in the house and their clothes reak of smoke.....
My rant is.....they pay $70 a week for cigarettes, but cant buy their children weather appropriate clothing. And here is the kicker, it was $250 to get the baby circumsized.....did they save? NO. They had 9 freaking months....went out to eat, smoked it up, but didnt save up for their son to have a circumsized penis! Makes me so mad!
Then he was also born early and has breathing issues.....when the pediatrician came in she told them nicely that he couldnt be in the clothes they brought bc they reaked of smoke and the baby has lung issues. Also discussed not smoking around the baby....and she suggested washing all the clothes and linens and getting the walls and carpets clean to rid of the smoke in the house, then to start going outside to smoke.
Well my dad flipped and said he didnt want her to be his doctor anymore... and that he smoked around me and my sisters and we are fine... and who is she to tell him what to do in his on house....etc, etc, blah, blah, blah......
So i kindly remind him that i have asthma and allergies and that in the early 80's everyone smoked everywhere....even in hospitals. Since then they have done studies and found it was not good for anyone espevially children....there is a reason it is no longer allowed in public. As for the home, he can do what he wants., but now that he has a new baby at home with needs, he needs to stop being selfish and put his child first and go outside for the 2 minutes it takes to puff one down.
Ugh he is so irresponsible and is the last person that should be a parent (he left when i was little and did not raise me - my grandpa did)....i always have to lecture him on how to be responsible, like he is the child and i am the parent. He inherited his fathers double wide and i just know he wontpay the property taxes and will lose it. Then his family will have no where to live.... And they arent moving in with me....they all think "she is a doctor she is rich" bullcrap, i have a freakin mortgage of student loans and a regular mortgage, you try to pay two mortgages and see how "rich" you are.....anyhow, i am digressing.
Then about a week before he was born I get a facebook message from his girlfriend saying they have no diapers, wipes, formula, or bottles......First off, you can breast feed....second off if you cant, you qualify for WIC, so get off our ass and do the paper work.
My point is.....they didnt even save up money for circumcision, diapers, wipes or bottles. They didnt apply for WIC. My dad wont go outside to smoke and the child will have lung issues....and My dad will prob lose his home by not paying property taxes......and these moochers are gonna try to come live with me. NO FLIPPIN WAY!
And the worst part is, that baby is innocent and I just want to save him from all of that and cant.
10-24-2011, 01:50 PM
Kari - I'm sorry you're going through this! I can relate to your frustration... I have more distant family in similar situation... but with your dad... I can't imagine! It's different when it's a step-sister or ex-sister-in-law... (as mine are). Hugs to you and your sister for seeing this poor child in such a bad situation. I wonder if you could report them to CYS and take the baby? Knowing the lung issues and he's unwilling not to smoke in the home... is that endangering the child?
10-24-2011, 02:18 PM
Kari - I'm sorry you're going through this! I can relate to your frustration... I have more distant family in similar situation... but with your dad... I can't imagine! It's different when it's a step-sister or ex-sister-in-law... (as mine are). Hugs to you and your sister for seeing this poor child in such a bad situation. I wonder if you could report them to CYS and take the baby? Knowing the lung issues and he's unwilling not to smoke in the home... is that endangering the child?
I have thought about reporting him, but i worry as to who the baby would go to.......my sister would take him in a heartbeat, but i dont know the laws of that....the whole next of kin. She isnthe sister, so that is close enoughg i would hope. But i knowthe mom would never give him up. I actually dont even know if he is smoking insidemor not. I sure hope not....poor kid.
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