Crying it out?

[proud2Bamommy]

I know this is a very controversial topic but I need to know. For those of you who believe in letting your babies "cry it out", how old were they when you started this technique? My child is barely a month old and DH and his friends are pretty much insisting that he is NOT to young to start doing this. I don't want to damage my child into being insecure or whatever but I really need to get some sleep with my child in his bed and me in my own. I heard you have to wait til they are 6 months. Is this right? Is there really even an age? Any help would be much appreciated!

PS... how long do you let them cry???

[lisamarie]

At one month...I dont think you should let them cry it out. And Im consider kinda the tough love kinda person in my family. Porkchop is 7 mths and I wont let her cry for more than 5 mins.
I really dont knwo what to tell you. Since this is my second I can tell when Porkchop really has something wrong..her cry is different. But I would go with what makes YOU feel comfortable.

[medic_632]

i agree with lisa...the "technique" won't work if you feel like you are doig something bad to your child...if you think it's just a stewwy type cry then do what you think is right but if it's a serious cry then of course you can't let him cry it out

DO WHAT YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH!!!

GOOD LUCK, we are here if you need to cry anything out though or cry with him :lol: :wink:

okay i gave in while i was at the gym and even though i had said i would only check every 10-14 days i had to...you guys got my curiosity peaked!!! so see the ticker below please,,,!!!!!! :lol:



http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/3;10701;98;0;0/c/-10/t/-45/k/0008/weight.png
(http://www.TickerFactory.com/)

[LCHAVEZ]

I think there are different ways that are easier on the parent and the baby - than the full Cry it Out. Check online and find alternatives or ways that are not quite as traumatic. I would think at one month - that is WAY too early, their stomachs are still so little and they need to eat during the night. I would possibly consider it around 4-6 months, once they can get in all their daily calories during the day. But - I am more of the attachment parent type - if they want me during the night they can have me. :roll:
They are only so little for so long - I want to enjoy every moment. :wink:
Lisa

[texasred1]

Mel - when my parents came for a visit shortly after we were home from the hospital they told me I was spoiling my child, I should let him cry it out. I on the other hand ignored them. I just can't stand to hear him cry. Even at night when he wakes to be fed I hear him before he starts wailing, I hear him when he starts stirring around - his bassinet is right beside me. But you gotta do what's right for you and what works best for you.

[MilitaryMom]

I tend to follow the 'cry it out' club some with Justin and it normally doesn't take him more than 10 minutes. Then there are some nights it doesn't seem to matter what I do, he's still crying for no discernable reason. Those are the worst. However, I did not start letting him "cry it out" until he was a minimum of 4 months.... and even then only for very short times. Now that he is 7 months old I will let him go longer. I agree with what the other ladies have said though.. if you are not comfortable with it, then don't do it. At one month of age I never let him cry unattended though... so I think your instinct is telling you correctly on this one.

-Cheryl

[prinny]

Oh poop.

I thought this was a "How To Get The Baby Out" thread.

Prinny xxxx

I've been trying this method... it does not work. :wink:

[esarah]

Hey Prinny. Hang in there. It will happen. I promise. He or she just is very comfortable. Before you know it you will have that baby in your arms! Good luck in the meantime!

[mara232]

I think CIO for a one month old is cruel. Sorry. Hopefull all the CIO moms won't be offended. I have never let Anthony cry it out. Whine it out - yes (after 7 months old) but if he is actually crying - NO. I mean they are babies for such a short time and are needy little creatures. You can't possibly spoil a baby at 1 month old. Like other people have said it really is your preference as a parent. I would say a 1 month old is crying for a reason and needs some need met. I can tell when Anthony cries for real and is just whining and I dont run to him with the whining. Hope that made sense.

[mara232]

Also let me add Anthony cried every night (from the day he was born until 4 months old) from 5-11pm STRAIGHT as well as for every meal (every 2-3hrs as I was BF). Poor baby had colic and a milk protein allergy (which we did not know until he was 4 months old) - poor thing was crying in pain. I am glad I held and rocked him and soothed him and NOT let him cry because it was obvious how much he was hurting. Now he cries out of frustration or for attention but as a baby of 1 month old - I'd say it was 100% physiological needs.

[cvalentine]

I get so tired of people telling me I'm spoiling Emma by picking her up every time she cries. I believe in CIO for a short period of time once they're maybe 6 months old, maybe a little older, but I won't let Emma cry more than a few minutes now. The only way babies can communicate with us is by crying and by not responding in my opinion is telling them their needs aren't important. Hopefully nobody gets offended by my opinion, because it is just my opinion, but I believe when Emma cries, it's 99% of the time because she needs or wants something, and it's my job to take care of that!

[nopey]

Crying it out at a month is way too young in my opinion. At that age she's crying for a reason. I don't know that there is a magic "age" when it's ok to let them cry it out, but the first few months is just too young. GL

[Leslie]

I have to agree with the others... one month is WAY to young for cry it out. Baby's can't be spoiled prior to six months (at least that what I've read). If they are crying it is for a reason.

I am not an advocate of cry it out. We did have to do it once Arianna got older (probably around 7 or 8 months). She had been sleeping through the night, and then she started waking around 2:00 am. In the beginning I was getting up and giving her a bottle. After awhile she was waking but hardly taking any bottle. DH and I figured it had become habit, so we decided to try cry it out to see what happened. First we agreed it would be no longer than 10 minutes (although I've read that 20 is the magic number). The first night she cried for right at 10 minutes and then went to sleep. The second night it was maybe 5 minutes. The third it was one or two minutes. Then she quit really crying at night at all. For a little while longer she would wake and whimper but not cry. Now she is a GREAT sleeper (knock on wood).

I will say a few weeks ago we had a scare. She woke at 1:00 am SCREAMING. I'm as so glad I went right to her. She had a temp of 103.8. We went straight to the ER. Had I let her cry it out things could have gotten bad.

Again I will say it... one month old is too young for cry it out. Oh yea, don't let others tell you what to do. You are the mommy of your baby. You have those maternal instincts that will tell you what is right and wrong for your little one.

[wantingbabynumber2]

My ped told us 1 year before you start letting them CIO. Then 5 min crying for each year of age. Obviously if the child is hysterical crying or flinging themselves against the crib bars etc that doesn't hold true. Everytime Hannah would stir I'd partially wake up and wait she'd lay in there and figet or squeek but no crying when she'd start to build up I'd pick her up. Generally it was to be changed and fed or change of scenary. I didn't care about spoiling her. She had a bunch of surgeries also so we over spoiled her and held her ALOT. She is now 3 and is self confident and will entertain herself. She was able to self soothe as an infant and toddler. I had great results with it and I will do it with our next child. Start too soon leaving them alone and crying and you teach them that when I need something and cry mom won't rescue me. Imagine if you could only cry to communicate and you were hungry, sad, lonely etc and no one listened. Drives me crazy when parents are in a mall letting their kids cry in a stroller and do nothing. There are times when CIO is necessary but really not till they are older and manipulating you to stay longer or when they go through separation anxiety etc.

[wantingbabynumber2]

Oh and I also have a child that went straight to a toddler bed with no issues and then twin size bed. She goes to bed at night and rarely gets up unless she needs something. She turned out great. Only thing I'd like to change is her being so WHINEY lately ugh.

[proud2Bamommy]

Ok ladies, thanks for all your opinions! I agree with you all that Dylan is just to young. I guess I needed to hear it from other people though. I don't want to spoil him but I don't want a child that sleeps in my bed wither. Which is what we have right now. I will just have to keep him in my bed until he will sleep on his own in his own bed. Is it possible that he has some security issues? I mean everytime I put him down, I'm lucky if he waits 5 minutes before he starts crying. When I pick him up, all is well. He's never wet, hungry or anything, he just wants to be held. Is this normal or should I talk to the doctor about that. He just seems unusually clingy. Oh well, no biggy, I love holding him but sometimes it's hard... like when I need to eat, cook, or pay bills. Oh well. I hope we can figure it out. Thanks for helping and any info/ideas on the security issue will be helpful, THANKS!

[LCHAVEZ]

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp

[nopey]

We used a heating pad to get Audrey to sleep on her own. Lay the heating pad on his mattress for 10-15 min before you put him to bed. REMOVE THE HEATING PAD BEFORE putting him in bed. The warmth of the bed will make him feel more comfortable. It was like MAGIC for us. She then started sleeping through the night. GL

[texasred1]

Mel - I had a friend recommend the Dr. Sears Baby Book, it has been such a wonderful reference book. Plus it's great that dh can read it and it's not "something I read online". Have you tried baby wearing? Like a sling? I got a hug-a-bub and 75% of the time it works wonders. Like yesterday, I got Mason to sleep in it for about 2 hours, meanwhile I got to do some stuff.

[Preemienurse]

I've heard nothing but good things about this book:

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child

http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0345486455/sr=8-2/qid=1160330627/ref=pd_bbs_2/104-8478818-7543119?ie=UTF8&s=books

[mara232]

I've heard nothing but good things about this book:

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child

http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0345486455/sr=8-2/qid=1160330627/ref=pd_bbs_2/104-8478818-7543119?ie=UTF8&s=books

I don't like this book. UGH - I HATE it! You use "CIO" methods. I really don't see how allowing a 1 month to cry for 15 minutes is ok? But that's just me. I am sure the method works - I read the book and found the methods not to fit well with my parenting style.

Bottom line - YOU have to do what YOU and YOUR Dh are comfy with. People will give you advice - you choose what you do with it.

[mara232]

He's never wet, hungry or anything, he just wants to be held.

He's a baby. Trust me in a few months he will be wiggling around not wanting to be held and off exploring!!! :lol: Baby-wearing works well as someone suggested. Does he like his swing? It's what saved us - he was sooo happy in it - he would sleep for HOURS in it and I could get so much done.

[greatOT]

Melanie, SO many other moms have advised that 1 month is too young for CIO method. I hate to be redundant, but I have to add my vote on the "too early" side, as well. Your baby needs something when they cry at that age. And yes, just needing to be held is a very valid reason for a baby to cry. You have great instincts, follw them! You are the mommy so your decisions are the right ones!

I can't comb through the cobwebs to remember when we started CIO, but I know it wasn't before DS's first b-day. And it didn't take long for him to become comfortable putting himself to sleep after we left the room.

Pauly, I LOVE your idea of using a heating pad to warm up the crib before you put the baby down! So smart!

what a great buch of moms!
-Sarah

[RE]

I've read many articles and books that have said that you cannot spoil your child by picking him/her up when they cry for at least the first 6 months of their life. The only way baby can communicate with you for the first few months is to cry, whether it be that they are hungry, tired, bored, colicy, want to cuddle, etc. I would never imagine letting my babies CIO at one month. It sounds like you already know the answer though - just remember, no one knows your baby better than you! You will learn what works best.
BTW - I just started letting my son CIO at bedtime. Sometimes he cries for 10 minutes, sometimes for 45 minutes - but I now know what all of his cries sound like. This doesn't mean I don't check on him (w/o him knowing of course), but he has to learn how to fall asleep on his own. His twins sister luckily goes to sleep the minute her head hits the mattress and isn't bothered by his cries.

[proud2Bamommy]

ok girls, thanks for all the replies! Umm... lets see.. to answer some ?'s....

He doesn't like the sling but he does like the back pack carrier which I use but it's difficult when I have to bend down and stuff.

He likes the swing but only when he's awake, otherwise he cries. If he by chance falls asleep there, he wakes up in five minutes literally screaming.

I think I will look into the books you ladies recomended thanks again. DH is on my sh1t list everytime Dylan cries. He keeps trying to make me do the CIO method and it's driving me nuts. Oh well, maybe these books will help. Thanks.

[kljoyce]

Melanie, Have you tried swaddling Dylan really tight when you lay him down? My daughter used to love this, I think it makes them feel like they are still being held.

[proud2Bamommy]

Kristi - He hates being swaddled. He loves being free to be his wiggle worm self. LOL, this is so funny, I love everyones suggestions.. you would think that at least one thing would work. Well I have to say for the past 2 days I have been able to lay him down on the couch to sleep. Not all the time but at least once a day and that is very helpful!

[cvalentine]

First off - I love your new picture of him on your ticker - too cute!

Second - My dh bugs me too with wanting to let dd CIO. Men just don't understand. Babies need their mommies, they need that security of being close to you. Emma is pretty clingy too, although she will sleep in her crib now. I don't really have a lot of suggestions though, I like the heating pad idea. Do you cover him with a blanket when you lay him down? Maybe you should sleep with a blanket one night so your scent gets on it, then try to cover him with that. Maybe if he wakes up and can still smell you and is already cozy, he'll think he's close to you?? Just a crazy idea, but it may work?? :)

[proud2Bamommy]

Thanks Cristen. However, in recent days... Dylan is sleeping in his crib at night! YEAH!!! I'm still having probs with the daytime naps but I'm so happy he's out of my bed! I was so scared I would roll over on him.