advice for worried mom

[peggy]

I have PCOS and a thirteen year old daughter. I'm terrified that she'll also have PCOS, but I can see the bright side in that they now seem to know how to treat it. When I was a teen PCOS was totally unknown.

I had my daughter checked by a children's endo a few years ago. But now she's reached puberty and I'm worried again. She's had her period for a few months now, and suddenly she seems to have a skin tag on her eyelid. Also, there may be some dark-ening skin on her neck.

I'm trying to be calm and rational about all this...but of course, as a mom, I'm pretty concerned. I'm wondering if seeing an endo again is a good idea, or if I should wait. I don't want her all upset by this (I try to be pretty open about my current situation...but she has no idea of how emotionally and physically devestating this was for me to handle as a teen.)

If you were 13, would you want your mom interfering? Is having a skin tag enough of a sign that I need to be concerned about this now? I have had a hard enough time getting a doctor to treat me so can't really just call my own doctor and say "what about my kid." Would appreciate advice and support. Thanks.

[silentmouse]

Talking personally... I would leave it until she shows any symptoms which are going to affect her more, such as heavy periods, cramps etc
Leaving it isn't going to mean that she misses a chance or a cure as there is none, but personally I think that it would be too much to be dealing with at 13 (I was diagnosed at 16 and that was early enough, I'm 19 now) I think at the moment she would be better being a "normal" young teen and seeking diagnosis/ treatment when she's older if need be, but she will probably realise that herself if symptoms become severe

Thats just my opinion, I'm sure people will disagree but I hope it helps

Vicki xx

[peggy]

Thanks for sensible advice! I do think I'm a bit hysterical about this, but I didn't get any real help til I was over 50 (mostly because they didn't know much about PCOS when I was first diagnosed). Think that's why I'm so eager to get a jump on this and try to prevent as many problems as possible. But you are right about waiting and giving her a chance to be a normal teen for as long as possible. Really appreciate the support and a younger perspective on this.

[slightly]

I'm not a teenager, so I can't speak from that point of view, but my advice would be to do something now. Or at lthe very least keep a really close eye so that you do something as soon as she starts to show symptoms.

I know it might not be fun to learn about this (i know it wasn't for me, and i' wasn't 13 - i learned about it about 25 and ignored it till more recently), BUT, the stuff that i'm learning about the hightened risk for heart disease and diabetes is what has motivated me to actively learn and treat the PCOS.

I guess maybe you could just encourage her to try to eat well and diet and that might be enough, but i know my doc said the earlier they catch this and start treating it, the better. For example, with the dark unwanted facial hair - my understanding is that what i already have isn't going to go away, but that the meds will help keep it from spreading or getting worse. Do you know how much I wish one of the many docs would have treated this or at least listened to me when i gathered up the nerve to confide such an embarassing condition? I've been complaining to docs about this for years - and only now have i found a doc that gave me spiro for it. all my other docs just said "some people have to deal with things like this".

I don't know, I'm not a mom and i'm not a teenager, but I think its important to learn early on to take care of your health, you only get one body, and you have to be your own advocate - so i'd say start learning now, but maybe you can find a way to "Break it to her gently". I would FOR SURE just let her know that if she has it, its not a huge deal, that everything can be controlled, and the earlier she starts paying attention to her body and following a good plan like diet and excercise, who knows, maybe the proper diet and all that can dead off the worst of the symptoms and she might never have to experience some of them. If Insulin REsistance is one of the causes (like some think), perhaps being proactive would be the best thing for PCOS.

In the end, you are her mom and you know your daughter best and how she would handle it as well as how best to support her in whichever avenue you choose. My advice is trust your instincts as the mom.
Good luck!!

[sammyk]

well... im 16.... and my parents chose to avoid all my symptoms and things and just tell me "your getting a little hair on your chin, just wax it..." and "you need to do something about those skin tags" "if you dont wash your face everyday that acne wont get better" (ive had horrible acne since i was 12, but never got driven to a dermo) and they thought all my abdominal pain was imaginary.. so its really great that you are so interested. my dad and stepmom did all this avoidance, not my real mother. she took me when i went to see her. i would personally go check it out at a doctor with her, i wish i had the chance. she can develop horrible self esteem issues like i did, not to worry you (sorry!) but it was a big issue for me. i felt like the ugliest person and that no one would ever accept me you know? earlier is better. hope this helps!